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If I were a billionaire

Big Dick McGee

Big Dick McGee

If you don't know, now ya know
I'd do a remake of the 1993 Kurt Russell Western "Tombstone", with all of the parts being played by Robert Beltran, Garrett Wang, and a visibly intoxicated Jennifer Lien.
 
Beltran fat, Lien thin.
 
This is madness...
 
I'd buy two mansions and then two of every Star Wars toy ever made. In one mansion I'd put them all on display. In the other I would hire people to play with them with me and we'd have the ultimate battle.

THAT'S NORMAL, RIGHT?
 
I'd build a 1.21 gigawatt broadband tower in my yard so all the country fried homies could have INTERNETS. Then I'd build a big house to go with it, and I'd live on the top floor by myself, and I'd invite the cast of Spartacus Blood and Sand over for afternoon naked parties. OH AND I'D PROBABLY HAVE SEX A FEW TIMES ON THE ROOF. Also, I'd hire a hot Mexican gardener to tend to my lady GARDEN. I'd hire Oprah to be my personal narrator. I'd buy Dr Phil so I could practice my bullwhip skills on a live subject (SORRY ABOUT YOUR EYE, DR PHIL). Captain Kirk could move out of my shower and into my living room. OH and my bed would be a scale replica of the Battlestar Galactica.
 
No, it's only normal if said people are nude 18-year-old girls, and the figures are GI Joes, not Star Wars.
 
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I'd buy a big house where we both could live. NO WAIT THAT'S FAT SIR ELTON LOL

I would buy and run a piano bar/cabaret in the Village, just so I could have a place for me and my sad friends to hang out and sing and drink for free.
 
I'd buy my own private island, invite my friends to hang out at the mansion stocked with all the latest cool electronic gizmos and gadgets.

My family can live in a mudhut on the farside of the island.
 
I would create an entirely convincing back story that I had appeared in Spartacus Blood and Sand.
 
CaptainWacky said:
I'd buy two mansions and then two of every Star Wars toy ever made. In one mansion I'd put them all on display. In the other I would hire people to play with them with me and we'd have the ultimate battle.

THAT'S NORMAL, RIGHT?
Click to expand...

The people should be the members of your top ten and they should change every week to reflect the top ten.
 
Yes. But they would have to play with the toys PROPERLY. No stopping to do "sexy" stuff. Otherwise they'd be punished.
 
A billion is a lot of money...I would definitely set my parents both up with houses and pay off all of their bills. They've helped me more than I probably ever deserved, lol.

I would buy my hubby a state of the art hot rod shop and quit my job and do makeup full time (my favorite hobby). Then, we could COMBINE our businesses and do endless hot photo shoots of pinup models on sexy old cars.

In all honesty, I would probably get my boobs done, get knocked up (money is a main factor in waiting to have kids), take tons of vacations, and shop a lot. Not necessarily in that order.
 
I would allow Natalie a brief moment to point out to the other girls that she's playing with a figure based on a character she played. But only a momemnt.
 
If I were a billionaire, I'd hire Mitchell and Webb to make a shitload of "Peep Shows" for my own enjoyment.

Then I'd buy an uncharted island, and strand Andy Dick there forever.

Then I'd buy a Dairy Queen, and eat all the ice cream I want.

Then I'd hire Susan Powter to whip me back into shape, and it would work because she scares the hell out of me.

The End
 
A high powered sniper rifle. A list of people who piss me off. A good lawyer if I got caught.
 
If I were a billionaire, I would have my own hovering satellite of love, complete with Tom Servo, Crow and young Joel and we would riff not only on movies, but the small peons below us who don't have a billion dollars.

I would then buy the New Zealand, and stage live action Xena movies all day, everyday. And yes, real people would get killed.

James Franco and Eric Skarsgard would be my personal bodyguards...and I do mean, "body"guards.

I would force Bryan Singer to come back and direct a real X3 movie.

Oh, and I'd give my parents money.
 
I'd buy a plane ticket to Oregon.
 
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