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Mary Queen Of Shops is just a bitch, isn't she?

CaptainWacky

CaptainWacky

I want to smell dark matter
She just goes around shouting at old people "YOUR SHOP IS TOO OLD FASHIONED." The cow.
 
What does she know anyway?
 
I've never watched any of her things. I don't know what her credentials are, but just from the adverts she sounds like a judgemental cow.
 
Mary, Queen of Scotch is a pretty fun gal, though.
 
Want us to send Tabatha Coffey over to KICK HER ASS?
 
Wait this is a real person?
 
She's real and the queen of shops, somehow.
 
She has a nice line in pointy finger as well.

They call her gang the Muffia, as they are lesbian and like to kill people. Well, They are lesbians anyway, not so sure about the murder thing
 
Well, she does have a habit of going into shops and saying stuff like "if you listen to me, we can avoid anything... unpleasant... happening to this business that you've worked so hard to build."
 
Headvoid, any stories of Mary Portas and John Lewis CROSSING PATHS?
 
I hear she battered TJ Hughes to death, and Doroty Perkins is still on life support in a coma.
 
I heard she (name of shop) to (name of shop) and (name of shop) didn't know what to (name of shop)!
 
I did have a meeting once with her agency, there were about 6 young girls all called Annabel and Floretta or something like that. They talked about shoes a lot and sounded incredibly stupid. I dialed up my Scottish accent and told them I just wanted to sell slightly more (Product X) rather than talk about Christian Louboutin shoes.

The meeting went well after that, at least i thought it was a lot more productive. I was never asked back.
 
She carries a machete with a pink leather handle as well.
 
headvoid said:
I did have a meeting once with her agency, there were about 6 young girls all called Annabel and Floretta or something like that. They talked about shoes a lot and sounded incredibly stupid. I dialed up my Scottish accent and told them I just wanted to sell slightly more (Product X) rather than talk about Christian Louboutin shoes.

The meeting went well after that, at least i thought it was a lot more productive. I was never asked back.
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You should have went dressed up as Mrs Doubtfire. That would probably have been more appealing to her and her type (lesbians.)
 
I might have stood a chance if my Scottish had been more Alan Cumming and less Brian Cox.
 
Another tip is to tell them you're interested in promoting for the "queer" market using "queer" strategies. NEVER USE THE WORD "GAY". Everything would instantly turn sour. Using "queer" lets them know you're an insider.
 
Assure them that you're sex positive and programmed in multiple techniques.
 
CaptainWacky said:
Another tip is to tell them you're interested in promoting for the "queer" market using "queer" strategies. NEVER USE THE WORD "GAY". Everything would instantly turn sour. Using "queer" lets them know you're an insider.
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But wouldn't that queer the results?
 
That's what you WANT to happen, babes!
 
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