Duncelor
New member
...cat.
Since cats are annoying, mindless, selfish and worthless vermin, I thought of a great idea: list your favourite means of disposing of these household parasites.
I’ll start with (the most humane methods of elimination first) a few, and you guys can add on as we go.
101. Cervical dislocation, otherwise known as “breaking its neck.†Quick, easy, and painless for those squeemish types.
100. Bullet to your cat’s head.
99. Knife through your cat’s head.
98. Something hard and cylindrical inserted into your cat’s head.
97. Strangle your cat to death. This one is tricky if Fluffy is not declawed.
96. Duct tape your kitty to the side of your car’s tire. Then of course start up your car and begin driving. The bonus here is no clean up after it’s gone, but you might need a couple rolls of duct tape to keep the critter on there.
95. Take kitty to the zoo. Find a wolf area, or some equally nasty forest predator. Then, well, you’ll know what to do next. (Chance of escape is high, so be sure to bind kitty’s hind legs before the toss over.)
94. Hang your cat from a tree. By its neck of course. Stand back! It’ll try to take you with it!
93. Throw your cat in a bag, with ample weight, and toss it into the river.
92. Ever give kitty cat a bath? This time, toss in the toaster while it’s plugged in! Fun for a family of four!
91. Put Frisky in the microwave, set on high for about ten minutes. Messy, and noisy, and not exactly creative, but genuinely entertaining.
90. Watching your cat fall from a very tall building is great and effective. And educational: see if it can land on its feet after plummeting 10 floors . . .
Alrighty, maggots, keep them coming!
Cheers…
Since cats are annoying, mindless, selfish and worthless vermin, I thought of a great idea: list your favourite means of disposing of these household parasites.
I’ll start with (the most humane methods of elimination first) a few, and you guys can add on as we go.
101. Cervical dislocation, otherwise known as “breaking its neck.†Quick, easy, and painless for those squeemish types.
100. Bullet to your cat’s head.
99. Knife through your cat’s head.
98. Something hard and cylindrical inserted into your cat’s head.
97. Strangle your cat to death. This one is tricky if Fluffy is not declawed.
96. Duct tape your kitty to the side of your car’s tire. Then of course start up your car and begin driving. The bonus here is no clean up after it’s gone, but you might need a couple rolls of duct tape to keep the critter on there.
95. Take kitty to the zoo. Find a wolf area, or some equally nasty forest predator. Then, well, you’ll know what to do next. (Chance of escape is high, so be sure to bind kitty’s hind legs before the toss over.)
94. Hang your cat from a tree. By its neck of course. Stand back! It’ll try to take you with it!
93. Throw your cat in a bag, with ample weight, and toss it into the river.
92. Ever give kitty cat a bath? This time, toss in the toaster while it’s plugged in! Fun for a family of four!
91. Put Frisky in the microwave, set on high for about ten minutes. Messy, and noisy, and not exactly creative, but genuinely entertaining.
90. Watching your cat fall from a very tall building is great and effective. And educational: see if it can land on its feet after plummeting 10 floors . . .
Alrighty, maggots, keep them coming!
Cheers…
