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A Lesson in Humility

Laker_Girl

Laker_Girl

Mrs. Big Dick McGee
Today, I, Laker_Girl took a big fat juicy bite out of the wormy apple known as reality.

I was inches from setting a definite wedding date. I spent the morning thumbing through my bride's workbook, checking the folders I'd lovingly put together for my matron of honor and bridesmaid and was scanning the calendar for the perfect Saturday in November. When came the crushing blow...

Think the episode of friends when Monica's parents tell her that her wedding savings is now known as "The Beach House"...My parents call it a platinum world wide golf membership.

No big right? My fiancee will pay for it except every time I mention us paying for the wedding I feel him cringe. I can see it in his eyes, "Weddings are a waste of money. I mean if you've got an extra $50,000.00 lying around that's one thing but that's house buyin' money!" And besides, he's been married, he's had the wedding of his dreams.

So I cried and cried all day long and my mom got mad because I was making her feel guilty and how dare I?! Meh, she has a point, I'm almost 35, I took my sweet time finiding Mr. Right so I'm old enough to foot the bill on the shindig.

I've got ten grand saved up but truthfully, in this day and age you can't get pissed on by an Irish priest for ten grand.

So no pretty flowers, no beautiful dress, no dazzling bridesmaids, no handsome tux clad groom, no cake, no dinner, no gifts, no walking down the isle on daddy's arm, no first dance, no nothin'. Just me, the HB and the Justice of the Peace.

The only real shame is that I'll have to wait a whole year to find out that I'm barren and will have to sell an organ in order to afford fertility treatments. I like to get all of my spirit crushing done at once.
 
Laker_Girl said:
The only real shame is that I'll have to wait a whole year to find out that I'm barren and will have to sell an organ in order to afford fertility treatments. I like to get all of my spirit crushing done at once.
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Color me trolled, perhaps, but could you explain this little statement?
 
Ah, the Great Compromise begins.

Settling really sucks.

Laker_Girl said:
"Weddings are a waste of money. I mean if you've got an extra $50,000.00 lying around that's one thing but that's house buyin' money!"
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Don't you already have a house? With the housing market being what it is, be thankful for what you've got, let it (the market) recover, and use the equity built up help you buy a new home at a better time, perhaps.

And besides, he's been married, he's had the wedding of his dreams.
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So? There was no Before. There is only Now.

MM's right, it's the marriage what's important. However, there's nothing wrong with a proper celebration of the happy affair, either.
 
You can't get married on $10,000? I could. Except, I'd spend most of the money on the honeymoon.

I'm guessing you are talking about a Saturday in November of 2008 because there are no Saturday's left in this November. You've got the better part of a whole year to readjust your "dream" wedding to fit your pocketbook. Lucky you!
 
The fertility comment was not about baby making A.S.A.P. more about my dreams being crushed one by one. All I've ever wanted for as long as I can remember is to get married and have children...And be a dentist but that's a whole other thing.

And yes mm, I completely agree, it's the marriage not the wedding and that's why we're still getting married just not having a wedding. I mean I could do a back yard bar-b-que style wedding and go to the wholesale flower mart and hand make my decorations and go to some discount mall to find my dress but that's not the dream. It's not at all what I want so it's all or nothing quite frankly.

I own a condo, not a house and the hubby wants a house, as do I. The market is soft and ripe and we're looking to buy before we ever get married. Every red cent will go to the purchase and while responsible and all I'll have a house full of pretty furniture but no freeze dried bouquet, beautifully framed next to a gorgeous wedding picture and it's a real drag.
 
Use the JP, spend a lot on the honeymoon, and don't buy a house until after the baby comes. Little packages cost big money, and the soft, ripe real estate market is a step away from rotten. You'll have a great memory in the honeymoon instead of a bridal dress that gets packed away in some closet and is never seen again, and a crusty old bunch of flowers and a stale cake that you're only going to angrily throw out when this venture fails. Because let's face it, if you make it a year it'll be a fucking miracle...you don't have the marrying mind yet.
 
Would he put in $10,000 to match yours? You could do a lot for $20,000 if you stay focused on what's really important to you. Some things might not be in the cards, but there's no reason you can't have a gorgeous dress and a good photographer.
 
Donovan said:
Use the JP, spend a lot on the honeymoon, and don't buy a house until after the baby comes. Little packages cost big money, and the soft, ripe real estate market is a step away from rotten. You'll have a great memory in the honeymoon instead of a bridal dress that gets packed away in some closet and is never seen again, and a crusty old bunch of flowers and a stale cake that you're only going to angrily throw out when this venture fails. Because let's face it, if you make it a year it'll be a fucking miracle...you don't have the marrying mind yet.
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Your marriage failed and you're now going to school me on a marrying mind? That's like asking a convicted murderer on Death Row how to get away with murder.

I don't know what it was about my pity post that leads you to believe that I don't have a mind for marriage but I do know that whatever your thoughts, and undoubtedly you will share them, I will take them all into consideration. I am not so foolish as to think I can't learn a little something from every single, married, and divorced person when it comes to marriage.

That said, I have taken my time finding the right person, observed very loving and successful marriages as well as trainwrecks posing as marriages and I feel confident that I have what it takes to have a very happy, loving and successful marriage.

Oh and we're buying the house first. This isn't our first rodeo, we know how to buy property.

As for him matching my 10? Twenty grand for a wedding is nothing to sneeze at, the wedding would be gorgeous without question but I just don't see the Mr. parting with that kind of dough for a one day event.
 
Well, from the tone of this topic, I don't think we'll be seeing any breasts in this thread.
 
This thread should be nominated for Troll Of The Year award.

What utter bullshit.
 
My wedding cost me the gas it took to drive from Santa Fe village to the T'sankawi Prehistoric National Monument in the Jemez, where our entourage (about 70 people, hippies, native americans, friends etc) gathered at sunrise on the 21st of October in 1979. The aspens were just turning in the Sangre de Cristo's. We had a JP do the ceremony, and we partied in the monument for 4 days. Everyone agrees to this day it was the most beautiful, unique and authentic wedding ceremony they had ever participated in.

I think I made dinner for the nice lady who did our robes for the ceremony.

That was 28 monogamous, tempestuous years ago.

What's your point (besides the whining) I mean? You materialist Barbie's always get it wrong. It isn't the pomp or the circumstance, idiot.
 
jack said:
My wedding cost me the gas it took to drive from Santa Fe village to the T'sankawi Prehistoric National Monument in the Jemez, where our entourage (about 70 people, hippies, native americans, friends etc) gathered at sunrise on the 21st of October in 1979. The aspens were just turning in the Sangre de Cristo's. We had a JP do the ceremony, and we partied in the monument for 4 days. Everyone agrees to this day it was the most beautiful, unique and authentic wedding ceremony they had ever participated in.

I think I made dinner for the nice lady who did our robes for the ceremony.

That was 28 monogamous, tempestuous years ago.

What's your point (besides the whining) I mean? You materialist Barbie's always get it wrong. It isn't the pomp or the circumstance, idiot.
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What Jack is so eloquently trying to say is, the Wedding is a brief blip in a successful marriage, wherein two people care more about the other person's welfare than their own. It's a lifelong series of compromises and "meeting in the middle" and the occasional sacrifice for the greater good, none of which I see you capable of sustaining for twelve months. You couldn't even keep the ring he picked out for you.
 
Laker_Girl said:
Your marriage failed and you're now going to school me on a marrying mind? That's like asking a convicted murderer on Death Row how to get away with murder.

I don't know what it was about my pity post that leads you to believe that I don't have a mind for marriage but I do know that whatever your thoughts, and undoubtedly you will share them, I will take them all into consideration. I am not so foolish as to think I can't learn a little something from every single, married, and divorced person when it comes to marriage.

That said, I have taken my time finding the right person, observed very loving and successful marriages as well as trainwrecks posing as marriages and I feel confident that I have what it takes to have a very happy, loving and successful marriage.

Oh and we're buying the house first. This isn't our first rodeo, we know how to buy property.

As for him matching my 10? Twenty grand for a wedding is nothing to sneeze at, the wedding would be gorgeous without question but I just don't see the Mr. parting with that kind of dough for a one day event.
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My advice to you would fall on deaf ears, because it would consist of this: "Selfishness has no place in a marriage of two minds. All your thoughts, efforts, and actions should bend toward keeping the marriage partnership healthy, before it seems to need it. By the time you see problems, it will be too late."

My ex failed to understand this, because she was ultimately unable to see anyone's needs but hers. You also will fail to understand this for the same reason: you are only capable of seeing things for how they either assist or inconvenience you.

My advice to your hubby to be would be this: "It is much easier, and less expensive, to lance a painful boil before it becomes infected. California is a community property state. Run now while there is no binding legal documentation."

Be a dear and pass that along, Laker Girl?
 
See Donovan, I read and took into consideration everything you said. Unfortunately you reiterate time and time again how selfish I am and you don't know me at all. I could, of course, go on and on and on about the many very unselfish things I do every single day but then you'd somehow determine that my even so much as stating the unselfish things I do makes me selfish and/or I'm lying. You've pigeon holed me based on a troll board and you're never going to believe any other way.

As for the ring, had my fiancee NOT said, "I know this is not the style you wanted but I just wanted to get you a ring and we can pick something else out later." And instead said, "I love this ring, this is the ring I see you wearing for the rest of our lives." I'd never have given getting another ring a second thought. However, my fiancee went to my cousin who is a jeweler and asked him to find as flawless a two karet as he could and set it in 14k yellow gold for now. My fiancee later went back to my cousin and consulted him on what the best setting based on my lifestyle while also keeping in mind that I like antique looking jewelry and my cousin chose a pave setting for my fiancee. All of this had nothing to do with me. My fiancee was also thoughtful enough to look up Swedish wedding traditions and bought me two wedding bands instead of one. The second band is for fertility. I would never poo-poo any piece of jewelry, if he'd shown up with a cubic zarconia set in aluminum foil I'd have worn it proudly.

Oh and somehow I just knew you'd tell me your failed marriage was all your wife's fault. I was positive you'd let me know you were the perfect husband. Except a failed marriage is rarely one spouse's fault.
 
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