A new era for TK

[Donovan]

So are you saying jack is extraordinary?hpmrgreen:

He said there is nothing out of the ordinary for him in his current behavior. Sadly, I think he's right. This IS his normal self.

 

[Sarek]

Fuck. Since when.

May 26th.

 

[NeonMercuryASH]

I remember

 

[Donovan]

Sorry to hear about your dad, Sarek.

 

[jack]

Could it be the absence of a truly worthy adversary for Jack to exchange verbal sword play? *sigh*

Need a crane for the way this thread swung around afaict.

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

Sorry for your loss, Sarek.

 

[Seph]

Does nobody remember him posting about it?

 

[jack]

I remember him saying his dad was really sick. Missed the rest but he may have posted it in the MF which would explain that.

 

[Donovan]

I think I missed it.

 

[Sarek]

It was just a post in another topic in SF. I didn't broadcast it, just mentioned it when jack had asked why I hadn't been around much lately.

 

[Donovan]

I can see that taking some of the mindless fun out of life. You sorting it out okay?

 

[Sarek]

Pretty much. Sadly, he was doing well until the last in week May when he went from being mobile, to bed ridden to having to be carried to dying in 5 days. Though, in retrospect, it was a blessing that it happened so fast. Doctors told us end stage could last for months. He was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer the day before Christmas and it had already spread to his liver and brain. Went into his spinal cord by the end of April even after treatment. We had him on home hospice and I took vacation from work for the last month to care for him. The only problem was with the rapid spread, there's a lot of legal issues and care issues for my mother that I've now got to take care because of he didn't have time. And it's taken up a lot of mine. So playing on line hasn't been a high priority.

 

[jack]

Many blessings to you and your family.

 

[Donovan]

That sucks, my G/f is going through the same thing this last year. Her mom went in for some routine tests, had a stroke in the hospital and was just...gone. Suddenly there's all this paperwork, care for her grampa who's having late stage alzheimer's, some messy legal issues with estates, divorces, and who has the right to sign what. You don't even have time to grieve properly and suddenly everyone is looking to you for answers. Good luck with it, and don't forget to take a few minutes every day to just think about the old man, for nobody else but you.

 

[Ilyanna]

^ you beat me to it, kinda.

Been there, too, back when my dad died. Can't stress enough how important it is to take time to, you know, understand what the deuce is going on, and to deal with the situation on a conscious level, no matter how pressing the issues to solve seem to be. Took me almost 3 years to regain a sense of normalcy, and I believe that if I had had the time to properly grieve and cope with the loss shortly after his demise, it would have been easier to let him go.

Anyway - my condolences, Sarek.

 

[Sarek]

Thanks all.

I don't think things will ever be "normal" again. My entire life style changed over the last 5 months. I used to work evenings, go to bed around 2 AM, get up at 9 AM and start my day. When dad was diagnosed, I was the one handling all the doctor appointments, schedules, bill paying and transportation. I started getting up at 6 AM to take him to appointments 50 miles away, go to work in the afternoon and I'd get off work and be asleep my 11 PM. Been two months now and I still can't go back to a "normal" routine. The thing is, I can't chalk it up to "grieving" or depression, because I don't really have any of that. One thing my dad and I had was no regrets or wishes that we'd done things differently. But now, I have to also worry about my mother and her health issues. So that takes up a good chunk my time now. I also think a large part of it is just that no matter how old you get, when your parents are still there, there's a sense of not really needing to grow up. But when they're gone, you kind of realize that things can't go back to the way they were. The funny thing is, my dad and had talked about the changes he went through when my grandfather died. But as he put it, "you'll never understand until I'm gone." He was right.

 

[Ilyanna]

I don't think things will ever be "normal" again.

But when they're gone, you kind of realize that things can't go back to the way they were.

Very, very true. The normalcy you had before he passed away is gone, probably forever. And that is not only because you suddenly have to care for your mother and help her with her health issues, but mainly because, as you said, it's a fundamental emotional change that happens right now. You may be independent, lead your own life, make your on decisions, and so on, but a part of your psyche has never stopped being defined by being your father's child, and that part has just been ripped away. You're in some kind of limbo now, where nothing is normal, and life's like a constant state of emergency (for lack of a better expression).
You'll need time to sort that out, but still (sorry if that sounds a bit cold, it's not intended -) you will adapt. That's what I meant with state of normalcy - you will eventually grow accustomed to this new situation and find a way to deal not only with the new responsibilities and challenges, but also with the gap in your emotional life. Even if that may seem impossible right now.
Try to take a breath now and then, one hour, maybe two, or maybe, eventually, a whole day of doing something just for yourself, something that used to be normal. It will help you deal with the transformation that is being forced on you, and remember that not everything has to change.

But as he put it, "you'll never understand until I'm gone." He was right.

Yes. There are things we simply cannot imagine or prepare for.

 

[Donovan]

Well wherever we are tonight, let's raise one in honor of Sarek's pop who raised a boy to be a man, knowing all the while that there is no ending save a bittersweet one. If you have no regrets, then you did it right.

On three everybody: One, two,


"SHUT THE FUCK UP, HENOCH."

 

[jack]

Thanks all.

I don't think things will ever be "normal" again. My entire life style changed over the last 5 months. I used to work evenings, go to bed around 2 AM, get up at 9 AM and start my day. When dad was diagnosed, I was the one handling all the doctor appointments, schedules, bill paying and transportation. I started getting up at 6 AM to take him to appointments 50 miles away, go to work in the afternoon and I'd get off work and be asleep my 11 PM. Been two months now and I still can't go back to a "normal" routine. The thing is, I can't chalk it up to "grieving" or depression, because I don't really have any of that. One thing my dad and I had was no regrets or wishes that we'd done things differently. But now, I have to also worry about my mother and her health issues. So that takes up a good chunk my time now. I also think a large part of it is just that no matter how old you get, when your parents are still there, there's a sense of not really needing to grow up. But when they're gone, you kind of realize that things can't go back to the way they were. The funny thing is, my dad and had talked about the changes he went through when my grandfather died. But as he put it, "you'll never understand until I'm gone." He was right.

Testify. Thank you very much, Sarek.

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

That's so true. I went through something very similar when my mother died after battling a brain tumor for 8 months. Someone summed it up for me nicely at the wake: "It's not something you get over, it's something you learn to live with."

My mother's been gone for over 20 years, and my father passed in his sleep 8 years after her, but even now I can occasionally have vivid dreams about them, and then wake up and have to take a second to remember that they're not around anymore.

One day at a time. You don't really "return to normal," but you create a new normal for yourself. Take care.