CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Man: I love you, honey.
Wife: I love you too, honey bee.
Small Child: I love you daddy.
Man: I'm rather fond of you too, small child.
(TERRORISTS show and KILL the wife and small child with SWORDS while the man is trying to start his car.)
Man: My car won't start...OH MY GOD, WHAT ARE YOU TERRORIST BASTARDS DOING?
Terrorist: HAHA, WE DO IT FOR OUR FICTIONAL MIDDLE EASTERN NATION! THE GREAT GAGHKASISTAN!
Terrorist#2: OH GAGHKASISTAN, OUR HOME AND NATIVE LAND...
Man: I'm gonna kill you!
(They shoot him in the legs.)
Terrorist: Tell me, old friend, how will you kill us with bullets in your legs?
Man: Old friend?
Terrorist: That's right...
(He takes off his BURKA and underneath he is the MAN'S BROTHER.)
Man: NOOOOOOOOO!
Terrorist Bro: YESSSSS!
(SIX WEEKS LATER.)
Doctor: Well, you can finallly walk again, the bullet wounds in your legs are healed!
Man: What's the point in walking when my wife and small child are dead and my brother's a bastard terrorist? What's the point?
Doctor: Hell if I know!
(The guy in the next bed perks up.)
Guy: Hey, my wife and child were killed by terrorists too. Once I pass this kidney stone I'm travelling to Gaghkasistan to kill their asses!
Man: Gaghkasistan? That's where my brother defected to!
Guy: Then you can come with me, I have a private jet and I'm trained in deadly combat!
Man: Think you can train me how to kill my brother in the most painful way possible during the flight?
Guy: You better believe it, buddy!
(They shake hands then kiss passionately, swept up in the moment. There is an awkward silence.)
Doctor: Damn, that's one thing we doctors can't cure yet! Maybe some day!
Man: I'm not gay, I loved my wife and small child and I will avenge them!
Guy: I AM gay and I was cheating on my wife with dozens of other married men which she was completely oblivious too and I didn't really love her or our small child who I suspect was fathered by the mailman anyway but still those terrorist bastards took what was mine and here in america we don't likes it when people takes what is ours!
Man: You said it!
(They kiss again.)
Man: Stop doing it!
Guy: You're the one holding my dick!
Man: Oh yeah...this is quite good fun actually.
(He starts pumping it backwards and forwards.)
Man: Hey, want to just stay here and fuck?
Guy: Sure, that's a much better idea than my plan!
Doctor: They must have been GAYING BULLETS!
(The doctor makes a secret phonecall to SOME ARMY GUY IN THE MIDDLE EAST.)
Doctor: That's right...the terrorists are using GAYING BULLETS now.
ARMY GUY: Well I guess that means I have to break into the terrorist liar and kick some ass!
Doctor: As long as that's all you do to their asses!
ARMY GUY: This is actually very serious.
Doctor: Yeah, seriously gay!
ARMY GUY: I'm about to risk my life to make sure the terrorists don't turn all of America queer!
Doctor: About to risk your anal virginity too!
ARMY GUY: Grrrr! Aah, I've been shot in the nose!
Doctor: SHIT! Who's going to save America now!
(The Man's brother walks in.)
Man's Brother: I will.
Doctor: But you're a terrorist!
Man's Brother: They brainwashed me into turning my own brother gay and murdering his family. I want to make amends. I want to make Gaghkasistan bleed.
Doctor: I'm coming with you!
Man's Brother: Really? You mean WE are the stars of this movie?
Doctor: Yeah. What a twist!
TO NEVER BE CONTINUED
Wife: I love you too, honey bee.
Small Child: I love you daddy.
Man: I'm rather fond of you too, small child.
(TERRORISTS show and KILL the wife and small child with SWORDS while the man is trying to start his car.)
Man: My car won't start...OH MY GOD, WHAT ARE YOU TERRORIST BASTARDS DOING?
Terrorist: HAHA, WE DO IT FOR OUR FICTIONAL MIDDLE EASTERN NATION! THE GREAT GAGHKASISTAN!
Terrorist#2: OH GAGHKASISTAN, OUR HOME AND NATIVE LAND...
Man: I'm gonna kill you!
(They shoot him in the legs.)
Terrorist: Tell me, old friend, how will you kill us with bullets in your legs?
Man: Old friend?
Terrorist: That's right...
(He takes off his BURKA and underneath he is the MAN'S BROTHER.)
Man: NOOOOOOOOO!
Terrorist Bro: YESSSSS!
(SIX WEEKS LATER.)
Doctor: Well, you can finallly walk again, the bullet wounds in your legs are healed!
Man: What's the point in walking when my wife and small child are dead and my brother's a bastard terrorist? What's the point?
Doctor: Hell if I know!
(The guy in the next bed perks up.)
Guy: Hey, my wife and child were killed by terrorists too. Once I pass this kidney stone I'm travelling to Gaghkasistan to kill their asses!
Man: Gaghkasistan? That's where my brother defected to!
Guy: Then you can come with me, I have a private jet and I'm trained in deadly combat!
Man: Think you can train me how to kill my brother in the most painful way possible during the flight?
Guy: You better believe it, buddy!
(They shake hands then kiss passionately, swept up in the moment. There is an awkward silence.)
Doctor: Damn, that's one thing we doctors can't cure yet! Maybe some day!
Man: I'm not gay, I loved my wife and small child and I will avenge them!
Guy: I AM gay and I was cheating on my wife with dozens of other married men which she was completely oblivious too and I didn't really love her or our small child who I suspect was fathered by the mailman anyway but still those terrorist bastards took what was mine and here in america we don't likes it when people takes what is ours!
Man: You said it!
(They kiss again.)
Man: Stop doing it!
Guy: You're the one holding my dick!
Man: Oh yeah...this is quite good fun actually.
(He starts pumping it backwards and forwards.)
Man: Hey, want to just stay here and fuck?
Guy: Sure, that's a much better idea than my plan!
Doctor: They must have been GAYING BULLETS!
(The doctor makes a secret phonecall to SOME ARMY GUY IN THE MIDDLE EAST.)
Doctor: That's right...the terrorists are using GAYING BULLETS now.
ARMY GUY: Well I guess that means I have to break into the terrorist liar and kick some ass!
Doctor: As long as that's all you do to their asses!
ARMY GUY: This is actually very serious.
Doctor: Yeah, seriously gay!
ARMY GUY: I'm about to risk my life to make sure the terrorists don't turn all of America queer!
Doctor: About to risk your anal virginity too!
ARMY GUY: Grrrr! Aah, I've been shot in the nose!
Doctor: SHIT! Who's going to save America now!
(The Man's brother walks in.)
Man's Brother: I will.
Doctor: But you're a terrorist!
Man's Brother: They brainwashed me into turning my own brother gay and murdering his family. I want to make amends. I want to make Gaghkasistan bleed.
Doctor: I'm coming with you!
Man's Brother: Really? You mean WE are the stars of this movie?
Doctor: Yeah. What a twist!
TO NEVER BE CONTINUED
