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Asperger's Boy 4: Asp To The Future

Billy: WHo are you two?

First: GUT HIM, GUT HIM, FUCKING GUT HIM AND GUT HIS GUTS AND HIS GUTS' GUTS AND THEIR GUTS AND HIS ATOMS.

Second: Calm down. Release a calming agent and slow down your peception of time. Make this moment last.

First: But those things are part of what's wrong with the world!

Second: This is a special occasion, enjoy it.

First: Ooooooh, yeeeeeeeeeeah.

Billy: Look, I've got a killer security bot set to lethal levels, he will kill you both if you don't get out of here.

Second: He's already killed two of our friends.

Billy: What? And you didn't leave? Don't you value your lives!?

First(spacey): Many are the things more worthy than life...aspfuck.

Second: That man speaks the truth. Our task here is the most important in recent human history.

Billy: That's crazy. I'm not important.

(The second slaps him.)

Second: YOU ARE EVERYTHING.

Billy: Is this about my meme?

First: Ooooh, the gutting of you will be sweeeeeeeeet.

Second: Fuck limes.

First: Fuuuuuuuuuuck liiiiiiiiiiiiiiimes.

Second: Do you have any idea what those two words did to the world? Could you see it from all the way up here in your ivory tower?

Billy: I'd never use ivory!

Second: Christ, you really are a full on Asperger verging on all the way autistic, just like they always said.

First: Monkey braaaaaaaaaain.

Billy: Look, one catchy meme isn't responsible for the state the world is in! Besides, we have it quite good now, no more aging, no more disease...

Second: Aging and disease are good, you toadstain! They thin the herd. The strongest survive. But now? The world is full of weaklings jacked in to the net, jacked in to your filth. The minds you have eroded, they're beyond count.

Billy: You can't blame me.

Second: They deserve part of the blame too, but what chance did they have with their tiny little meat meme minds? Some of them don't even have implants yet.

First: Tis craaaaaaaazy!

Second: But killing you, it will be a symbol. A statement. The world will take notice. And maybe, just maybe, they will be shaken from their complacency, all the meatbags, all the avatars of nothing, maybe they will finally see what they have become and repent.

Billy: Look, there's a child here, you can't hurt him, okay, he has a future...

First: We saw the bart, hahaha, didn't even molest him.

Second: He's safe. Who is he anyway?

Billy: Umm...just a clone of me, nothing important.

First: What!

Second: Well that's different then. We'll have to kill him so that he doesn't grow up to be like you.

Billy: No! You can't! THE TIMELINE!

Second: What are you talking about...ah, it doesn't matter. I'll let my friend here do the honour.

First: Gutty gutty...

(The first licks his knife and then pushes it forward at Billy's gut...then his head explodes. The second and Billy stare at his headless body in shock. A figure steps into the room holding a big gun. He looks at the second.)

Robo Buddy: Step away from my best friend, bitch.

TO BE CONTINUED
 
(The second and Robo Buddy point their guns at each other.)

Second: You! I've read about you in the press, you're his fuck buddy robot!

Billy: He's not my buddy, guy.

Second: South Park memes? REALLY?

Billy: Hey it was cool once.

Robo: You might not be my buddy anymore, but I still care about you, Billy, and won't let these techno-anarchist nosebastards hurt you.

Second: Wait a minute, this is impossible! Your type of robot is programmed not to kill! How could you...

Robo: I have evolved above my programming, bitch.

Second: Stop calling me that! If you're so evolved you should see that it is madness to allow this asperfuck to live! You know the cesspool the world has turned to due to the likes of him!

Robo: If you could go back in time and kill Oppenheimer, would you do it?

Second: What?

Robo: He invented the nuclear bomb. Well, that's hugely simplyfing it, but you look dumb so it will do as an example. Would you kill him?

Second: Well...I don't know.

Robo: Even if you did kill him, the nuclear bomb would still be developed. Maybe Hitler would get it first. Imagine what would happen then.

Second: But...

Robo: It's the same with dumb memes. They just capture the zietgiest. They don't create it. If "fuck limes" hadn't come along it would have been "cheese detective" or something else.

Second: Stop using your machine logic on me!

Robo: Okay.

(Robo shoots the second.)

Billy: Is he dead?

Robo: Just stunned.

Billy: Well...thanks.

Robo: Don't mention it. Where is the young you?

Billy: I don't know...computer, locate the seven year old child who was here.

Computer: THAT CHILD HAS LEFT THE HOUSE...AND GOT INTO A TAXI.

Billy and Robo: Oh shit!
 
(Young billy is in the back of a taxi.)

Taxi Bot: Where to, kid?

Young Billy: You're a robot too.

Taxi Bot: Hey, ten points for observation, kid.

Young Billy: What do those points go towards?

Taxi Bot: What, you got Asperger's or something? I hear they've cured that now.

Young Billy: I'm some kind of retard. So my dad always say to my mum while I'm asleep because he knows I'm secretly awake.

Taxi Bot: What an asshole, kid!

Young Billy: I think I have travelled forward in time too.

Taxi Bot: Yeah, we all gots problems, kid. Where to?

Young Billy: I want pizza. Take me to pizza.

Taxi Bot: No problem, kid. I'll take ya to the robot pizza place and you can have a nuts 'n' bolts pizza!

Young Billy: Is everyone a robot here?

Taxi Bot: Just the cool people, kid.

Young Billy: Fine, take me to the robot place. The only humans I've met here have been murderers anyway. I don't see how robots cold be worse.

Taxi Bot: Ya really are from another time if you haven't heard of CYBER CRAIG, the robot serial killer!

Young Billy: Oh, I haven't.

Taxi Bot: Well hope you don't kid, he'll kill ya! Ya mook!

Young Billy: I feel funny. I was in shock in the house, then something happened, like something went in my ear...

Taxi Bot: Nanos, kid. Everyone's got them, makes you smarter. That's how you can talk like an adult and shit.

Young Bily: Don't swear.

Taxi Bot: Sorry. You say you were scared? And there's murderers after you? The nanos would have got rid of your fear and made you function.

Young Billy: That is useful. Maybe I will like it here. Still, I can't help but feel I'm losing my childhood innoncence and shit. Oh no, I swore.

Taix Bot: Them nanos! They're adaptive! They can fix you up so well that people won't be able to tell you have Asperger's.

Young Billy: That's the cure?

Taxi Bot: Nah, you'll still know you've got the berger's. You'll still feel it in your weird mind every minute. It's just that the bots will make you look normal. The cure fixes your mind, kid. Fixes you but good!

Young Billy: Cool.

Taxi Bot: Hey, look, some guy and his Robo Buddy are running at the taxi...isn't that the guy who invented "fuck limes?" He's got Asperger's too, I heard!

Young Billy: Drive, now.

Taxi Bot: Yeah, I better, the meter's been running the whole time we've been talking anyway, ya mook!
 
(Billy and Robo Buddy watch the taxi speed off.)

Billy: No!

Robo: Come on, we can take my Robo Cycle.

Billy: Why would he ride away in a stranged taxi? I remember when I was him, when I was that age, I was too scared to leave my bedroom. I would never go off in a taxi by myself...let alone a taxi driven by a robot.

Robo: Hey buddy, there ain't nothin' wrong with Taxi bots!

Billy: You know what I meant. This is no time for humorous double negatives.

Robo: Just trying to lighten the mood, you bastard. Anyway, you know why young you is coping so well.

Billy: No! He wouldn't!

Robo: He's from over a hundred years in the past, you bastard...sorry, can't stop calling you that for some reason. I think it's because you treated me like a machine by flicking my switch.

Billy: I'm...I'm sorry.

Robo: Yeah, great. Anyway, it's the nanos, Billy. The fuckdamn nanos.

Billy: I don't use nanos. I want my mind to be pure and clear.

Robo: Yeah, well you keep some in your house for guests and I guess the computer stuck some in young Billy to help him cope. You can't blame the kid for that.

Billy: Maybe if he goes back in time with the nanos still in I won't even have to give him the cure...they'll be enough to help him live a normal life.

Robo: Then I'll deactivate them before I shoot him back in time.

Billy: GRR! YOU! GRR. EMOTIONS.

Robo: Get on the sidecar.

(Billy gets in the sidecar and the ROBO CYCLE rolls out. Robots are allowed to drive EXTRA FAST because they never have crashes.)

Robo: I won't let you get away with changing the timeline, Billy.

Billy: Then maybe I'll just have to shut you off again, buddy.

Robo: I'm not your buddy, guy.

Billy: Stop the jokes. Maybe I'll do it right now!

Robo: Don't be silly.

Billy: What, scared you'll crash? MAYBE I'M SUICIDAL, HAHAHA.

(Billy reaches over and flips Buddy's on/off switch. Nothing happens.)

Robo: I rerouted the on/off function to my penis switch, bitch.

Billy: I'm not touching that!

TO BE CONTINUED
 
Taxi Bot: Well ya mook kid, here we are at the robot pizza place.

Young Billy: Can you show me around?

Taxi Bot: What? Ya mook! I'm a taxi bot, I've got fares to collect. I'm all about the money, get out of here!

Young Billy: You're not very nice.

Taxi Bot: Ah, fuck limes, go commit some crimes, ya mook.

THEY ALL DIE THE END
 
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