CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
(Asperger's boy is walking down the street at a steady pace, making sure to avoid stepping on all the cracks in the pavement, of course. Some other kids look at him and point and laugh and stuff.)
Bully: HEY ASSBURGER BOY, YOU EAT BURGERS MADE OUT OF ASS!
Assperger's Boy (Billy): I do not.
Other Bully: You do men up the ass, you homo!
Billy: No, I'm straight and also too young for sexual intercourse.
Other Bully: AHAHAHAH, WHAT A PUSS!
Girl: Leave him alone, he can't help it if his brain is broken! I think he's cut!
(Billy stares at the girl, not sure how to thank her.)
Girl: EWW, stop staring at me, you ugly freak!
(Billy starts walking again, upset but not showing it on the outside. The children keep playing games.)
Somewhat Kinder Child: Don't you wanna play, Billy?
Billy: I do not find your games fun.
Somewhat Kinder Child: But they ARE funny, Billy, they are! You'd enjoy them if you just joined in and acted like everyone else!
Billy: I do not believe that to be true.
Somewhat Kinder Child: Ah, forget you then, can't help someone who won't help themself as Jesus said in the Bible!
(Billy walks on. ONe boy throws an apple at Billy, it hits him in the face. He grabs it befofe it hits the ground. Billy takes a bite.)
ONe BOy: Hey you freak, what you doin' to my apple!
Billy: You threw it at me, I assume you do not want it.
One Boy: You can't eat my apple, you nigzoid!
Billy: Do you want it?
One Boy: NO, but I don't want YOU to eat it! Besides, you can't eat something I threw at you! Don't you know the rules of throwsy-hittsy?
Billy: I do not know the rules of any of your games.
One Boy: Ya freak!
Billy: Sorry, I was not born with the knowledge and did not pick it up naturally.
One Boy: FREAK FREAK FREAK, hey everyone, let's throw BRICKS at him, then he'll eat them!
Billy: I will not eat bricks.
(Billy keeps walking as the other boys start looking for bricks. SUDDENLY, an ALIEN SPACESHIP appears, blocking out the son. It's is fucking massive. A lazer shoots out of it and all the other kids but Billy are disintegrated!)
Billy: How odd.
(FUCKING green-skinned aliens beam down from the spaceship.)
Alien: Hello Billy, you brick-muncher! Haha, just kidding! We've been monitoring you for quite sometime, you asperger's boy!
Billy: What do you want?
Alien: That's easy, we want you to show us around Earth and explain your Earthly customs to us!
Billy: But I have Asperger's.
Alien: Exactly! Look, it's said that, because you have Asperger's you often feel like an alien amongst other humans.
Billy: That is true, I do indeed feel that way.
Alien: Well that's exactly how WE feel around humans, since we're aliens! And who better to show aliens around than the closest thing to an alien, a little Asperger's freaknose!
Billy: You killed all the others.
Alien: So? It was funny, watching 'em die!
Billy: You don't value human life?
Alien: FUCK kid, we don't value ANY life! Watch!
(The alien turns his raygun on the alien standing next to him, disintegrating it.)
Alien: See! That was fucking funny! Haha, it's all meaningless! I don't even value my own life!
(The alien turns the raygun on himself, firing.)
Alien: See?
(The alien disintegrates.)
Billy: He's dead.
Another Alien: So what? If he hadn't died that way, he just would have died some other way in the future! Makes no difference kid! Now are you going to show us around or not?
(Some SEXY WOMEN run up to the aliens and start stripping off.)
Sexy Woman: Aliens, aliens, make love to us!
(The aliens start shooting the sexy women indiscriminately.)
Other Alien: HAHAHA, die motherfuckers!
(Despite this, the women keep running back for more.)
Woman: It's worth it, to see the aliens!
Billy: You know, I sometimes think that I don't have Asperger's and, in fact, there's nothing wrong with me at all, it's just that the rest of the planet is crazy.
(The other alien fires his raygun into his own crotch.)
Other Alien: Aaaah, the giddy thrill of a SEXY DEATH!
(The other alien disintegrates. More of the aliens shoot each other, themselves, and the women, all ignoring Billy, all laughing likes maniacs, while Billy stands in silence, just watching, as though seperate from the whole scene despite being a part of it.)
Billy: I believe I shall update that to state that it is in fact the rest of the UNIVERSE that is crazy.
(Billy walks away from the scene of chaos, just as the army arrive for a MASSIVE BATTLE SCENE.)
FIN
Bully: HEY ASSBURGER BOY, YOU EAT BURGERS MADE OUT OF ASS!
Assperger's Boy (Billy): I do not.
Other Bully: You do men up the ass, you homo!
Billy: No, I'm straight and also too young for sexual intercourse.
Other Bully: AHAHAHAH, WHAT A PUSS!
Girl: Leave him alone, he can't help it if his brain is broken! I think he's cut!
(Billy stares at the girl, not sure how to thank her.)
Girl: EWW, stop staring at me, you ugly freak!
(Billy starts walking again, upset but not showing it on the outside. The children keep playing games.)
Somewhat Kinder Child: Don't you wanna play, Billy?
Billy: I do not find your games fun.
Somewhat Kinder Child: But they ARE funny, Billy, they are! You'd enjoy them if you just joined in and acted like everyone else!
Billy: I do not believe that to be true.
Somewhat Kinder Child: Ah, forget you then, can't help someone who won't help themself as Jesus said in the Bible!
(Billy walks on. ONe boy throws an apple at Billy, it hits him in the face. He grabs it befofe it hits the ground. Billy takes a bite.)
ONe BOy: Hey you freak, what you doin' to my apple!
Billy: You threw it at me, I assume you do not want it.
One Boy: You can't eat my apple, you nigzoid!
Billy: Do you want it?
One Boy: NO, but I don't want YOU to eat it! Besides, you can't eat something I threw at you! Don't you know the rules of throwsy-hittsy?
Billy: I do not know the rules of any of your games.
One Boy: Ya freak!
Billy: Sorry, I was not born with the knowledge and did not pick it up naturally.
One Boy: FREAK FREAK FREAK, hey everyone, let's throw BRICKS at him, then he'll eat them!
Billy: I will not eat bricks.
(Billy keeps walking as the other boys start looking for bricks. SUDDENLY, an ALIEN SPACESHIP appears, blocking out the son. It's is fucking massive. A lazer shoots out of it and all the other kids but Billy are disintegrated!)
Billy: How odd.
(FUCKING green-skinned aliens beam down from the spaceship.)
Alien: Hello Billy, you brick-muncher! Haha, just kidding! We've been monitoring you for quite sometime, you asperger's boy!
Billy: What do you want?
Alien: That's easy, we want you to show us around Earth and explain your Earthly customs to us!
Billy: But I have Asperger's.
Alien: Exactly! Look, it's said that, because you have Asperger's you often feel like an alien amongst other humans.
Billy: That is true, I do indeed feel that way.
Alien: Well that's exactly how WE feel around humans, since we're aliens! And who better to show aliens around than the closest thing to an alien, a little Asperger's freaknose!
Billy: You killed all the others.
Alien: So? It was funny, watching 'em die!
Billy: You don't value human life?
Alien: FUCK kid, we don't value ANY life! Watch!
(The alien turns his raygun on the alien standing next to him, disintegrating it.)
Alien: See! That was fucking funny! Haha, it's all meaningless! I don't even value my own life!
(The alien turns the raygun on himself, firing.)
Alien: See?
(The alien disintegrates.)
Billy: He's dead.
Another Alien: So what? If he hadn't died that way, he just would have died some other way in the future! Makes no difference kid! Now are you going to show us around or not?
(Some SEXY WOMEN run up to the aliens and start stripping off.)
Sexy Woman: Aliens, aliens, make love to us!
(The aliens start shooting the sexy women indiscriminately.)
Other Alien: HAHAHA, die motherfuckers!
(Despite this, the women keep running back for more.)
Woman: It's worth it, to see the aliens!
Billy: You know, I sometimes think that I don't have Asperger's and, in fact, there's nothing wrong with me at all, it's just that the rest of the planet is crazy.
(The other alien fires his raygun into his own crotch.)
Other Alien: Aaaah, the giddy thrill of a SEXY DEATH!
(The other alien disintegrates. More of the aliens shoot each other, themselves, and the women, all ignoring Billy, all laughing likes maniacs, while Billy stands in silence, just watching, as though seperate from the whole scene despite being a part of it.)
Billy: I believe I shall update that to state that it is in fact the rest of the UNIVERSE that is crazy.
(Billy walks away from the scene of chaos, just as the army arrive for a MASSIVE BATTLE SCENE.)
FIN
