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Attention: THERE IS NO REASON TO COME TO CALIFORNIA

Big Dick McGee

Big Dick McGee

If you don't know, now ya know
THERE IS NO REASON TO COME HER FOR VACATION THIS SUMMER. IT RAINS EVERY DAY, AND WHEN IT'S NOT RAINING, IT'S IN EXCESS OF 135 DEGREEES. THE HOLE IN THE OZONE LAYER IS DIRECTLY OVER LOS ANGELES, CAUSING COUNTLESS HUNDREDS OF TOURISTS TO BURST INTO FLAMES EVERY YEAR. DISNEYLAND IS CLOSED, AS IS UNIVERSAL STUDIOS, KNOTT'S BERRY FARM, AND DODGER STADIUM. THE BEACHES ARE ALL SHUT DOWN DUE TO POLLUTION. OUR GOVERNOR IS ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER, AND HE'S TRYING TO SOLVE THE BUDGET WOES BY SELECTING RANDOM TOURISTS TO COMPETE IN "RUNNIN MAN" COMPETITIONS. EVERY DAY, AT LEAST 1,500 PEOPLE ARE KILLED BY ILLEGAL MEXICAN GANGBANGERS, DO YOU REALLY WANT TO BECOME A STATISTIC? THE STATE BIRD HAS AVIAN FLU. THERE ARE EARTHQUAKES AT LEAST 4,000 TIMES PER DAY. THE BEAR IN THE STATE FLAG HAS EATEN AT LEAST 45 PEOPLE.

THE ENTIRE STATE IS ON FIRE, AND EVERYONE IS REQUIRED TO DON ASBESTOS SUITS.

Seriously, don't come here, it's totally awful.
 
Our beaches aren't closed due to pollution, but they might as well be, since they're all covered in rocks and you'd get hypothermia trying to swim in them, anyways.
 
Now that Damian Lewis has moved back to England there's no reason for me to visit. :(
 
DAMIEN LEWIS HAD TO BE DIPPED IN A VAT OF SPF 4 MILLION AT LEAST 15 TIMES PER DAY, OR HE'D HAVE GOTTEN SKIN CANCER AND DIED WITHIN 2.5 DAYS.
 
FBI parte due said:
Our beaches aren't closed due to pollution, but they might as well be, since they're all covered in rocks and you'd get hypothermia trying to swim in them, anyways.
Click to expand...

I will say that "certain" non-touristy beaches are the bomb. You know, like the beach that's named after a certain place in New York, and the one down from it that was immortalized in a Beach Boys song? But tourists should just stick to Santa Monica or Venice, those beaches are just totally rad, dude. ;)
 
You are correct, there is no reason to ever come to California.
 
Sounds like my kind of place.
 
THERE IS ALSO NO REASON TO COME TO FLORIDA. THE RETIREES WILL INFECT YOU WITH ZOMBIE GERMS. YOUR GLASSES WILL FOG UP THE MINUTE YOU STEP OFF THE PLANE AND YOU'LL NEVER SEE THEM COMING. SAVE YOURSELF! GO TO DOLLYWOOD OR SIX FLAGS IN TEXAS ANYWHERE BUT HERE.
 
Believe it BDM! Cassie speaks the truth! Florida is a God Forsaken Hellhole compared to what you described. Huricane comin' Grab the kids and run!
 
California's awful.
 
I've been watching the OC, and every single episode, I sing very loudly and obnoxiously along to the title screen.

CALIFORNIA HERE WE COME
RIGHT BACK WHERE WE STARTED FROM
CALIFORNIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
HERE WE COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME
 
Do you do that around people?
 
I'm pretty sure that all tourists are now required to sing that song wherever they may be in the state.
 
FBI parte due said:
Our beaches aren't closed due to pollution, but they might as well be, since they're all covered in rocks and you'd get hypothermia trying to swim in them, anyways.
Click to expand...

The beaches here in the Bay Area are freezing cold the whole year too. It can be 95 degrees at my house, I drive 30 minutes to the bay or 2 hours to the coast and the water is too fucking cold to set foot in.
 
SAUSAGEMAN said:
I've been watching the OC, and every single episode, I sing very loudly and obnoxiously along to the title screen.

CALIFORNIA HERE WE COME
RIGHT BACK WHERE WE STARTED FROM
CALIFORNIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
HERE WE COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME
Click to expand...
The funny this is, I never watched the OC, and I actully like that song, and when I play it in a mix, I'm enjoying it while others around me groan.

IT'S NOT MY FAULT I HAVE BETTER TV TASTE THAN THEY DO DAMMIT! I'M THE VICTIM HERE!
 
I'll track down Arnold Schwarzenegger and pee in his sink.
 
Eggs Mayonnaise said:
The funny this is, I never watched the OC, and I actully like that song, and when I play it in a mix, I'm enjoying it while others around me groan.

IT'S NOT MY FAULT I HAVE BETTER TV TASTE THAN THEY DO DAMMIT! I'M THE VICTIM HERE!
Click to expand...

Yeah I wouldn't call that better taste.

:P
 
I've never been to Cuba.
 
California Dreamin' is another great song about the fire devasted, botox riddled state.
 
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