I tried skiing once, in 1987. After tumbling down the bunny slope several times, I tumbled down a beginner's slope a couple of times, and then said fuck it and went to the lodge to start drinking.
don't you see that you're tearing us apart? the kids won't stop crying, the dog is shivering in the corner, and the local ski bum is ready to slit his wrists. he was counting on you!! HE WAS COUNTING ON YOU, GAGH!
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