Best Physical Threats

[Shitty Dual]

Your own or others.

"I will shove a pitchfork so far up your ass you will quite simply be dead."
--Ron Silver on The West Wing

 

[Sarek]

"My foot, your ass".

Plain yet speaks volumes. Elegant in it's simplicity. Leaves no room for doubt as to intention.

 

[Elrod]

"I am going to punch you in the tooth!"

- Michael to Dwight, blooper reel from The Office

 

[VKD]

knuckle sandwich time for sarek

 

[Gagh]

How about threats least likely to be carried out, and most hilarious in their lack of threat?

HeroicFool to Messenger: Still the funniest threat of all time:

I am a veteran of the armed forces and of a war.

I would turn you inside out.

Name a time and place.

http://www.trollkingdom.net/forum/showpost.php?p=859233&postcount=49

...and just to show the recipient of that 'threat' doesn't learn from the sad echoes that cheap, hollow threats ring the air with...

And If I see him, or someone like say, Isch or Kerb, IRL, I'm going to rotate their fucking jaw....

http://www.trollkingdom.net/forum/showpost.php?p=1214880&postcount=2

If I ever see Mentalist in real life, I am going to displace his fucking trash face.

http://www.trollkingdom.net/forum/showpost.php?p=1214917&postcount=10

 

[Sarek]

knuckle sandwich time for sarek

You gonna hire a man to do it for you?

 

[Starship Coyote]

I once threatened to kick Morrhigan in the babymaker.

 

[Shitty Dual]

I dare you or someone else to come to my doorstep and deliver one of your childish letters again. Me and 5 drunken polaks will crack your skull open.

:snack:

 

[Archibald Nixon]

Actual ad-lib from an improv I saw here in town last year (and it still cracks me up):

"DON'T FOLLOW ME OR I'LL SHOOT YOU IN THE DICK!"

 

[Gagh]

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