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EVERY MORNING I WAKE UP AND OPEN PALM SLAM A VHS INTO THE SLOT. ITS STAR WARS: EPISODE IV - A NEW HOPE AND RIGHT THEN AND THERE I START DOING THE MOVES ALONGSIDE WITH THE MAIN CHARACTER, LUKE SKYWALKER EXCEPT ON A SPACE HOPPER. I DO EVERY MOVE AND I DO EVERY MOVE HARD. MAKIN VWOOM-VWOOM SOUNDS WHEN I SLAM DOWN SOME STORMTROOPERS OR EVEN WHEN I MESS UP TECHNIQUE. NOT MANY CAN SAY THEY ESCAPED THE GALAXYS MOST DANGEROUS BATTLESTATION. I CAN. I SAY IT AND I SAY IT OUTLOUD EVERYDAY TO PEOPLE IN MY COLLEGE CLASS AND ALL THEY DO IS PROVE PEOPLE IN COLLEGE CLASS CAN STILL BE IMMATURE JEKrS. AND IVE LEARNED ALL THE LINES AND IVE LEARNED HOW TO MAKE MYSELF AND MY APARTMENT LESS LONELY BY SHOUTING EM ALL. 2 HOURS INCLUDING WIND DOWN EVERY MORNIng
Coming soon: Can Tomtrek teach Michelle Trachtenberg to recite the script of Star Wars: A New Hope on a Space Hopper, and NOT die of moisture loss via drool from the mouth!
I picture a freshly dug grave, a grinning orange spacehopper on one side, a polaroid of The Trach tilted on an angle on the other. The stone read "In the line of duty...".