What's new
Troll Kingdom

This is a sample guest message. Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

Cast Dirk Benedict

whisky

whisky

Boobie inspector
The man clearly needs more work, so suggest a show and a role he could do.

Heroes, he'd be a con man with the power of suggestion, able to make anyone do what he said, even talking women into bed.
 
Eastenders - A US associate of THE LATEST EASTEND GANGLORD who just happens to turn up in Albert fucking Square.
 
Son of Matlock- Matlock's long lost sun comes back to the south to bring a new brand of justice to the fair state of Georgia.
 
Smallville - Dirk Benedict stars as an escaped phantom zone creep who's formed entirely of RED kryptonite! As the evil genius abducts each female cast member in an attempt to restore the balance and bring some quality MASCULINITY to the US tv networks, Clark strives to get close enough to make the kill, but each time he falls under DirKryptonite's powers. The final straw is when Clark awakens from his temporary insanity to find himself in a fan made Cylon centurion suit. Teaming up with Pete “The Boss” Ross, Clark is further disgruntled with Pete's “lol, now we BOTH have metal feet!” joke. As Clark rushes to save the girls from an underground dungeon that's clearly ripped off from the movie “Hostel”, Pete beats Dirk into submission using his elasticated ballbags. “When I said there should be more testosterone shown on TV, this isn't really what I had in mind”, cries Dirk, cigar in hand. Just as Pete is about to make the final blow (lol) and shatter Dirkryptonite into pieces with his elasticated phallus, Clark whooshes back from saving the damsels. “Pete, NO!”, he cries. “That's not our way!” With Clark unable to come any closer for fear of marrying Lois again (shudder) in a red kryptonite induced insanity, Pete makes his decision. Raising a metal foot, he launches it full on into Dirk's crystalline crotch. “NNNOOOOO!” shouts Clark, firing searing dual beams of fire from his eyes and reducing Pete's foot to a molten blob. “AAAAHHH! MY METAL FOOT!”, Pete screams in pain. Chortling, Dirk says “Haha, well you've always got another one! Bye bye now, boy's, gotta run!” And with that he's gone, to live another day and show up in a sequel episode when the writers can't come up with anything new. Back in Clark's barn there's the traditional scene where a character is shirtless, his wounds being tended to by a loving friend. In this case, Pete is that 'character'. “I'm sorry I had to do that to you, Petey”, Clark declares as he pats down Pete's blob with gauze. “But it was the only way. We CAN'T lower ourselves to their standards, or we'll be JUST like them...” “YOU DESTROYED MY FUCKING FOOT!”, Pete yelps. “How is that better than what Dirk Benedict did?!” “You're missing the point, Pete. Sometimes in love, nothing really makes sense.” “What?” “Just remember, I'll always be proud of you!” “But I'm not your... what the fuck?” “It's okay, Pete, just rest your funny shaped head and I'll be here when you wake up”, Clark says, smiling, as he thwacks Pete's funny shaped head with a hand. As the camera pans back up to Clark, Dirkryptonite is standing by his side!

Credits roll.
 
Lost - Sawyer's dad, who gets conned & shoots himself.
 
Battlestar Galactica - The last man alive on Earth.
 
Both good suggestions.

I especially like the Face/Sawyer connection.
 
Star Wars: The Clone Wars - Dirk voices a young Jedi named Beni Dirka who frequently goes off script and points out similarities in the plot and visual style to a scifi series he was once involved in.
 
re: "Lost" --I forget...did Sawyer have a con-artist "mentor"?

I could totally see DB as that.
 
I think his mentor was Locke's (I can't remember if that is spelled with an e!!) father, who conned his mother. He probably learned it all the hard way.
 
Locke's dad was Sawyer's nemesis & raison d'être, for sure, but he didn't learn anything from him except how to be a total bastard. I honestly can't remember if there was someone in a past episode, like a fence or some colleague who might have once been his Jedi Master or whatever...but you have a point: perhaps it's better if all of Sawyer's con-man skills were learned hard-knock style.

Still, it'd be fun to see Face showing young Sawyer the ropes ONLY TO BE BETRAYED LATER ON OMG
 
Dirk Benedict as "Sally Field" in "Steel Magnolias 2: Julia's Still Dead"!
 
Neighbours - Dirk arrives on Ramsey Street with the rest of the Benedicts. Joe Benedict, his half brother with a dark past. Maria Benedict, the attractive one who will stay with the series till she's bone dry and ugly. Dirk Jr who has an eye for the ladies and has kinky nazi *** *** at least once per episode. Finally, there's Dirk's daughter Eve Benedict, a replacement religious figure (now that Harold's gone) who pours scorn on her father's misogynistic outlook, her mother's attractiveness (Eve's fugly!) and her brother's *** nazi ***. The family are welcomed with open arms.
 
Whats with teh censoring?
 
They're not allowed to say "gay" or "sex" on Neighbours, but "kinky" and "Nazi" is fine.
 
Ah right!
 
Dirk as a reprogrammed terminator. HE'S REPROGRAMMED FOR SEX. He gets into hilarious hi jinks with his enormous flow metal dick.
 
Dirk as Clubber Lang's penis in Rocky 7: Rocky Battles Glacouma & Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
 
My Name is Earl - Dirk plays a small town sheriff who was hideously mutilated and left unable to perform sexually by Randy and Earl after an evening of playing with fireworks. Earl saves the day the only way he knows how; bribing Joy to dress as Dirk's 'ghost penis'.
 
Ice Road Truckers - Dirk drives the A-Team van through Alaska. And freezes to death. Quite dark.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top