starguard
Unluckiest Charm in the Box
To those here that are also still members of Wordforge, many of you know that I got myself deliberately banned for spamming the board with all kinds of ridiculous questions about Egypt’s Last Queen and Pharaoh Cleopatra…
Last night, I went to be laughing to myself thinking about this, and somehow found myself having a very unusual dream about this woman….
Somehow, I found myself back in time during the reign of the Ptolemaic Dynasty. While walking around, I couldn’t help but notice all of the strange animals that lived there. Seeing that this woman lived over 2000 years ago, many of the animals of her time have long gone into extinction. There were some animals there that would even scare Freddie Kruger shitless. Before I knew it, I found myself entering this woman’s palace. Dude I gotta tell you, this place smelled BAD. That whole palace smelled like a heard of wild animals had stampeded through it and died in there somewhere, and someone had hid the carcasses instead of burying them. There was all kinds of baskets lying around, half eaten fruit on the floor, dirty clothes scattered everwhere, and all sorts of garbage piled up all over the place. Man, I’ve seen crack houses that were cleaner than this palace was!
Finally before my eyes comes the almighty Cleopatra herself! I always thought she was this heartbreaking supermodel that was even more beautiful that Helen of Troy. This was not the case. This woman was about as ugly as Horseshit, and was about as wild as the wind could blow. I’ve seen Sea Hags that looked better. She had this pot gut belly, huge biscuit lips, and these big black rings around her eyes that made he look like she’d been hitting the crack pipe 24/7. Her hair was flying in all directions like some had just scared her to death, and she was just strolling along like she didn’t have a care in the world. My first thought was “Man, if only Shakespeare could be here with me to see this” :huh:
Apparently bras and panties hadn’t been invented yet, and walking around the palace topless with her bare crotch exposed didn’t seem to be an issue either. Woman walks up to the throne with nothing more than a thin see through silk garment wrapped around her waist, sits there with her legs wide open, starts scratching her pubic hairs, then starts barking orders to each and every person in sight.
And man I gotta tell ya, this woman’s breath stank… and I mean BAD. I have no idea what the hell she had been eating, but whatever it was, she could have stopped the entire roman army dead in its tracks with just one loud belch.
After scratching her belly and picking her teeth, she then gets up, stretches her arms out, and starts walking out to the courtyards with a swarm of flies following her.
I’m standing there thinking to myself “How this woman became the most famous woman in history I will NEVER know”
She would never allow her chefs to cook for her for fear of being poisoned, so many of the meals she ate were things she prepared herself.
Chocolate Covered Ants…..
Ginger fried Locusts….
Raw Bird eggs….
Roasted Chicken Heads….
Seeing that this woman was the direct genetic result of 300 years of incest, it was no real wonder why she behaved like this. Her genes were fucked up so bad that there is no telling what kind of thoughts were roaming through her head.
What Julius Caesar and Marc Antony saw in this woman is something I will never know!!
So.. When she finally comes in from the courtyards, she rushes straight up to me rapidly walking about ten steps a second and yells..
WHO THE HELL ARE YOU… AND WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN MY GODDAMN PALACE!!!
My first thoughts were “Oh Shit”
Bitch calls her guards out, and about 1000 bums and wino’s come crawling from under all the garbage she had laying around everywhere. Right away I took off running, but there was so much junk lying around that I kept tripping and falling. Before I knew it I way lying on my back with all of these bums standing over me closing in trying to go through my pockets for wine money!
As soon as I threw my head back screaming.. that’s when I woke up!
Strange dream.. to say the least!
Last night, I went to be laughing to myself thinking about this, and somehow found myself having a very unusual dream about this woman….
Somehow, I found myself back in time during the reign of the Ptolemaic Dynasty. While walking around, I couldn’t help but notice all of the strange animals that lived there. Seeing that this woman lived over 2000 years ago, many of the animals of her time have long gone into extinction. There were some animals there that would even scare Freddie Kruger shitless. Before I knew it, I found myself entering this woman’s palace. Dude I gotta tell you, this place smelled BAD. That whole palace smelled like a heard of wild animals had stampeded through it and died in there somewhere, and someone had hid the carcasses instead of burying them. There was all kinds of baskets lying around, half eaten fruit on the floor, dirty clothes scattered everwhere, and all sorts of garbage piled up all over the place. Man, I’ve seen crack houses that were cleaner than this palace was!
Finally before my eyes comes the almighty Cleopatra herself! I always thought she was this heartbreaking supermodel that was even more beautiful that Helen of Troy. This was not the case. This woman was about as ugly as Horseshit, and was about as wild as the wind could blow. I’ve seen Sea Hags that looked better. She had this pot gut belly, huge biscuit lips, and these big black rings around her eyes that made he look like she’d been hitting the crack pipe 24/7. Her hair was flying in all directions like some had just scared her to death, and she was just strolling along like she didn’t have a care in the world. My first thought was “Man, if only Shakespeare could be here with me to see this” :huh:
Apparently bras and panties hadn’t been invented yet, and walking around the palace topless with her bare crotch exposed didn’t seem to be an issue either. Woman walks up to the throne with nothing more than a thin see through silk garment wrapped around her waist, sits there with her legs wide open, starts scratching her pubic hairs, then starts barking orders to each and every person in sight.
And man I gotta tell ya, this woman’s breath stank… and I mean BAD. I have no idea what the hell she had been eating, but whatever it was, she could have stopped the entire roman army dead in its tracks with just one loud belch.
After scratching her belly and picking her teeth, she then gets up, stretches her arms out, and starts walking out to the courtyards with a swarm of flies following her.
I’m standing there thinking to myself “How this woman became the most famous woman in history I will NEVER know”
She would never allow her chefs to cook for her for fear of being poisoned, so many of the meals she ate were things she prepared herself.
Chocolate Covered Ants…..
Ginger fried Locusts….
Raw Bird eggs….
Roasted Chicken Heads….
Seeing that this woman was the direct genetic result of 300 years of incest, it was no real wonder why she behaved like this. Her genes were fucked up so bad that there is no telling what kind of thoughts were roaming through her head.
What Julius Caesar and Marc Antony saw in this woman is something I will never know!!
So.. When she finally comes in from the courtyards, she rushes straight up to me rapidly walking about ten steps a second and yells..
WHO THE HELL ARE YOU… AND WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN MY GODDAMN PALACE!!!
My first thoughts were “Oh Shit”
Bitch calls her guards out, and about 1000 bums and wino’s come crawling from under all the garbage she had laying around everywhere. Right away I took off running, but there was so much junk lying around that I kept tripping and falling. Before I knew it I way lying on my back with all of these bums standing over me closing in trying to go through my pockets for wine money!
As soon as I threw my head back screaming.. that’s when I woke up!
Strange dream.. to say the least!
