CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Conservative Party leader David "Big Brother Four Winner" Cameron today announced a "better sex" policy at the Conservative Conference in Blackpool in order to "put the Tories back on top where they belond, yeah, whoo-wheee!"
"Basically, it goes like this," continued Cameron, massaging his own thighs as he talked. "If YOU STINKING PEOPLE elect us, we'll give you BETTER SEX! We know that's what you really want! Not tax cuts! Not more police on our streets! Not illegal immigrants kicked back to their own country where they belond the bastards! Not The Road Warriors! But BETTER SEX! And I am the man to give you it! Elect us and you will start enjoying sex up to TEN TIMES MORE! Oh, and by the way, if Gordon Brown thinks that Margret Thatcher is HIS friend now, that one-eyed fatass Jock bastard has another thing coming!"
At this point, the Thatcherbot shambled onto stage and said "THAT IS CORRECT, I SUPPORT CAMERON STOUT AND HIS BETTER SEX POLICY, MINER STRIKE LOL!" and exploded, killing 27 Tory MPs (but who'll miss them, eh chaps!)
"Wait, I'm confused" said ACE reporter with the Daily Planet, Beyonce. "How, exactly, will electing the Tories make sex more enjoyable?"
"Oh, you're confused, are you?" said Cameron.
"That's right," said the bootylicious star.
"Oh, YOU'RE confused!"
"That's right!"
"YOU would be, haha, SUCK IT!" said Cameron, executing a perfectly timed crotchchop as his Gamerreon guards dragged Beyonce out of the conference and threw her in the sea. "SAVE US 222!" he added, cryptically.
Mister Kennedy was unavailable for comment as he was lying about his steroid use in a tv interview at the time.
...KENNEDY!
"Basically, it goes like this," continued Cameron, massaging his own thighs as he talked. "If YOU STINKING PEOPLE elect us, we'll give you BETTER SEX! We know that's what you really want! Not tax cuts! Not more police on our streets! Not illegal immigrants kicked back to their own country where they belond the bastards! Not The Road Warriors! But BETTER SEX! And I am the man to give you it! Elect us and you will start enjoying sex up to TEN TIMES MORE! Oh, and by the way, if Gordon Brown thinks that Margret Thatcher is HIS friend now, that one-eyed fatass Jock bastard has another thing coming!"
At this point, the Thatcherbot shambled onto stage and said "THAT IS CORRECT, I SUPPORT CAMERON STOUT AND HIS BETTER SEX POLICY, MINER STRIKE LOL!" and exploded, killing 27 Tory MPs (but who'll miss them, eh chaps!)
"Wait, I'm confused" said ACE reporter with the Daily Planet, Beyonce. "How, exactly, will electing the Tories make sex more enjoyable?"
"Oh, you're confused, are you?" said Cameron.
"That's right," said the bootylicious star.
"Oh, YOU'RE confused!"
"That's right!"
"YOU would be, haha, SUCK IT!" said Cameron, executing a perfectly timed crotchchop as his Gamerreon guards dragged Beyonce out of the conference and threw her in the sea. "SAVE US 222!" he added, cryptically.
Mister Kennedy was unavailable for comment as he was lying about his steroid use in a tv interview at the time.
...KENNEDY!
