The Dork Lord
Whipping Boy
I used to live in the Bob Jones Mobile Home Park...
Troll Kingdom
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Did a little writting today
- Thread starter whisky
- Start date
The Dork Lord
Whipping Boy
indeed
whisky
Boobie inspector
Anyway...
“Who and what the hell are you?” Bob asked in amazement, while the cig fell out of an astonished Fred’s mouth.
“I am a Biotech 5000 series android with a genetically engineered organic CPU, my designation is XP-97324439-FIF-2423#23, but you can call me Biotech for short.” The robot explained.
“Where did you come from?” Fred asked in awe.
“Originally, from a manufacturing moon on the other side of the galaxy, but more recently, from a spaceship orbiting this planet.” Biotech replied.
“How are you speaking English?” Bob asked in wonder.
“On my way down from the stratosphere I accessed the internet and downloaded it.” Biotech responded.
“Downloaded what, the English language?” Fred asked.
“No, the entire internet, and let me tell you, there’s a lot of porn on there!”
“You must have one hell of a connection speed!” Fred said in amazement.
“Hang on, does this mean you have seen the last episode of Lost?” Bob asked tentatively.
Biotech angled his head towards Bob curiously.
“So I come from the other side of the galaxy, I’ve been on a spaceship orbiting your planet, I burned through this atmosphere specifically to meet you, and the first thing you want to know is how the season ends on a TV show?” The robot asked incredulously.
“Well, in my defence this has been quite an unusual day up to now, and I am just trying to hold onto my slender grip of reality.” Bob countered.
“Hang on, did you say you came specifically to see Bob?” Fred asked puzzled.
“Yes, and this is where it gets a bit complicated. My body shell should have cooled down now, perhaps we can discuss this inside?” Biotech replied, pointing towards the kitchen.
“Sure, why not.” Bob said dryly, then they all headed inside, Biotech having to duck to get his head under the door frame.
Passing through the kitchen where a 7 foot robot would still be visible through the windows, the three of them ended back in the living room, where Bob and Fred both sat on the same couch, while Biotech remained standing in the centre of the living room.
“So, why did you come looking for me?” Bob asked.
“I was programmed to seek you out when the time was right, and this was the right time” Biotech explained.
“Programmed by who?” Bob asked curiously.
“You.” Biotech replied simply.
“What? When? How?” Bob stuttered.
“This is where it gets a bit complicated, although I don’t have access to all the memories of how this happened, I know I was programmed by you, to meet you at this point, but the version of you that programmed me was younger than you are now, and had already known me for many years by that point.” Biotech explained.
“You know, you would think I would remember something like that.” Bob said dryly.
“Best I can figure out, is that we have been something similar to the events today, but many years earlier, in a different timeline that branched off a parallel universe, the one we are in now.” Biotech theorised.
“Yeah, that’s what I was going to say.” Fred said, rolling his eyes.
“Wait, so in another universe I have been having adventures in space and time for years, while here in this universe I have vegging out alone and stagnating in offices?” Bob asked incredulously.
“Apparently, but if its any consolation, that kind of life is waiting for you right now.” Biotech said enticingly.
“Just Bob?” Fred asked in anticipation.
“You are integral to this too Fred, although you seem to be a little different in this universe than the last.”
“So we’re both going to go with you and have adventures in space?” Bob asked wondering what the catch was.
“Well you did in the other universe, from what little fractured memories I have of those events, you both experienced a lot, there is however one thing we need to overcome first.” Biotech explained ominously.
Bob and Fred looked at each other in alarm.
“Ok, what’s the catch?” Bob asked.
“The spaceship I was on wasn’t mine, I was able to scramble the sensors while I escaped, and I have set up a program that will do the same to cover our arrival back up there, but there’s still a crew on there, and they are planning and rehearsing for an attack on earth.”
Bob and Fred both gulped.
“More robots?” Fred asked anxiously.
“Aliens, Jugjhools to be precise.”
“Jugjhools? What kind of shitty name is that for an alien race?” Bob asked incredulously.
“What kind of shitty name is Klingons for an alien race?” Biotech countered.
“Touché.” Bob admitted.
“This is a Jugjhool.” Biotech explained, as a holographic form appeared in the room.
The alien was reptilian, looking like an upright lizard, seven feet tall, green scaly skin, powerful looking limbs, a large tail and lots and lots of teeth.
Bob and Fred looked at each other with “oh oh” looks on their faces.
“And how many of those things are on the ship?” Bob asked, not really wanting to know the answer.
“103.” Biotech replied calmly.
“Oh is that all, piece of piss!” Bob said sarcastically.
“Well it could have been worse, when the captain left port he had a crew of a thousand, but he has been whittling them down since then.”
“Any chance he’ll kill a few more before we get there?” Fred asked hopefully.
“Doubtful, he’s finally got them down to just the ones he trusts.”
“So just the three of us have to take down 103 of those things?” Bob asked sighing.
“The universes might have gone in different directions when you were 22, but until then they were the same, and I know you have killed more than that before.”
“Humans yeah! But humans die easy, sometimes its hard not to kill them, but those things… If you can mess with the sensors, cant you just open all the airlocks?” Bob asked hopefully.
“The ship’s too big, it would take too long for all the air to be sucked out, and the crew would have too much time to find a way to close them again.” Biotech countered.
“Anyway we can just blow up the ship?” Fred suggested.
“Yes, but if the history of this universe is anything like the history of the other one, we are going to need that ship, and very quickly to fight off more invaders.”
“More aliens?” Bob asked wearily.
“No, these are robots.” Biotech replied.
“Like you?” Fred asked hopefully.
“No, these are called the Batarg, they kill everything that’s not a Batarg.”
“If we just leave the Jugjhools alone wont they take out the Batargs for us?” Bob asked.
“No, if we leave things as is, the Batargs will take out the Jugjhools, then earth.”
“But if the people who know how that ship works cant beat off the Batargs, how are we meant to?” Bob complained.
“Timing is everything, when the Batargs arrive their scanners will be just set to Jugjhool life forms, if they find none on the ship their defences will be down, with their defences down we will have a small window of opportunity to destroy their ships.” Biotech explained.
“What sort of timeframe are we looking at here?” Fred asked.
“We need to have taken over the Jugjhool ship in the next 51 minutes or there’s no point even going.” Said Biotech ominously.
“No pressure then.” Bob said dryly.
He walked over to the mirror on the wall, and reached behind it.
When he pulled his hand out, there was a Beretta model 92 in it.
He pulled back the slide and popped the first round into place.
“That wont do much good up there, but don’t worry, I have some laser weapons for us when we get to the ship” Biotech explained.
“That’s not for up there.” Bob said smiling, then handing the gun to Fred.
“What we are going to do sounds strenuous, and you shouldn’t really do a lot of exercise without having a warm-up first.” He added, heading for the front door.
“Bob!” Fred said in alarm.
“We don’t have time for this!” Biotech added.
Bob opened his front door.
The gang that had gathered across the road had already downed a few beers each by now, and Mr Gobby had got back some of his courage that had failed him earlier in the day.
He was approaching Fred’s car with a spray can of black paint in his hand.
“Got another speech for me?” He asked, looking at Bob with renewed contempt.
“Nah, actions speak louder than words.” Bob replied, sprinting forwards, leaping up on the car bonnet, then launching himself feet first at the annoying man.
Both feet ploughed into the man’s chest, sending him flying back to the other side of the street, the spray can flying out of his hand, up into the air.
Bob twisted in mid air, landing back on his feet, the pain in his groin was his hernias way of letting him know this wasn’t a good idea, but the gang rapidly approaching him weren’t about to let what he did to their friend go unpunished.
Bob straightened up, and the can of paint landed in his hand.
With a rapid arm movement he sprayed a fine mist of black paint towards the faces of the men, catching one of them full in the face, as that one staggered backwards, one of the others who had avoided the paint launched a fist towards Bob’s face.
Bob swerved away from the punch, grabbed the arm, then simultaneously twisted it, then using the back of the paint guy who was doubled over, he stepped up and jumped, still holding onto the guys arm, there was a snapping noise from that guy, and then two of the others got kicked in the head, before Bob landed back on his feet again behind the gang, who now numbered just two still on their feet.
Before either of them could turn around, Bob delivered a pair of karate chops to the nerve bundles just above their hips on the sides.
The two of them slumped to their knees, suddenly unable to stand, and as they went down Bob banged their heads together.
Big gob started to struggle to his feet, only to find all his friends on the floor and either unconscious, or moaning in pain.
He himself was finding it hard to breath, and when he spat out what was in his mouth, a good amount of blood landed on the pavement.
Bob looked at him and smiled.
“Looks like its your lucky day, I am so out of shape you are all still alive. You want to stay that way, then the police don’t here about this, that car stays in immaculate condition, and nothing happens to my house.” Bob said coldly.
Big gob nodded painfully.
“One of your friends has a broken arm, and it looks like you have broken ribs and possibly a punctured lung, I wouldn’t leave it long before you get those seen too, your other friends shouldn’t have anything that needs more than a handful of painkillers.”
The man nodded again.
Bob strode back into his house and closed the door.
“Now where were we?” He said dryly.
“Who and what the hell are you?” Bob asked in amazement, while the cig fell out of an astonished Fred’s mouth.
“I am a Biotech 5000 series android with a genetically engineered organic CPU, my designation is XP-97324439-FIF-2423#23, but you can call me Biotech for short.” The robot explained.
“Where did you come from?” Fred asked in awe.
“Originally, from a manufacturing moon on the other side of the galaxy, but more recently, from a spaceship orbiting this planet.” Biotech replied.
“How are you speaking English?” Bob asked in wonder.
“On my way down from the stratosphere I accessed the internet and downloaded it.” Biotech responded.
“Downloaded what, the English language?” Fred asked.
“No, the entire internet, and let me tell you, there’s a lot of porn on there!”
“You must have one hell of a connection speed!” Fred said in amazement.
“Hang on, does this mean you have seen the last episode of Lost?” Bob asked tentatively.
Biotech angled his head towards Bob curiously.
“So I come from the other side of the galaxy, I’ve been on a spaceship orbiting your planet, I burned through this atmosphere specifically to meet you, and the first thing you want to know is how the season ends on a TV show?” The robot asked incredulously.
“Well, in my defence this has been quite an unusual day up to now, and I am just trying to hold onto my slender grip of reality.” Bob countered.
“Hang on, did you say you came specifically to see Bob?” Fred asked puzzled.
“Yes, and this is where it gets a bit complicated. My body shell should have cooled down now, perhaps we can discuss this inside?” Biotech replied, pointing towards the kitchen.
“Sure, why not.” Bob said dryly, then they all headed inside, Biotech having to duck to get his head under the door frame.
Passing through the kitchen where a 7 foot robot would still be visible through the windows, the three of them ended back in the living room, where Bob and Fred both sat on the same couch, while Biotech remained standing in the centre of the living room.
“So, why did you come looking for me?” Bob asked.
“I was programmed to seek you out when the time was right, and this was the right time” Biotech explained.
“Programmed by who?” Bob asked curiously.
“You.” Biotech replied simply.
“What? When? How?” Bob stuttered.
“This is where it gets a bit complicated, although I don’t have access to all the memories of how this happened, I know I was programmed by you, to meet you at this point, but the version of you that programmed me was younger than you are now, and had already known me for many years by that point.” Biotech explained.
“You know, you would think I would remember something like that.” Bob said dryly.
“Best I can figure out, is that we have been something similar to the events today, but many years earlier, in a different timeline that branched off a parallel universe, the one we are in now.” Biotech theorised.
“Yeah, that’s what I was going to say.” Fred said, rolling his eyes.
“Wait, so in another universe I have been having adventures in space and time for years, while here in this universe I have vegging out alone and stagnating in offices?” Bob asked incredulously.
“Apparently, but if its any consolation, that kind of life is waiting for you right now.” Biotech said enticingly.
“Just Bob?” Fred asked in anticipation.
“You are integral to this too Fred, although you seem to be a little different in this universe than the last.”
“So we’re both going to go with you and have adventures in space?” Bob asked wondering what the catch was.
“Well you did in the other universe, from what little fractured memories I have of those events, you both experienced a lot, there is however one thing we need to overcome first.” Biotech explained ominously.
Bob and Fred looked at each other in alarm.
“Ok, what’s the catch?” Bob asked.
“The spaceship I was on wasn’t mine, I was able to scramble the sensors while I escaped, and I have set up a program that will do the same to cover our arrival back up there, but there’s still a crew on there, and they are planning and rehearsing for an attack on earth.”
Bob and Fred both gulped.
“More robots?” Fred asked anxiously.
“Aliens, Jugjhools to be precise.”
“Jugjhools? What kind of shitty name is that for an alien race?” Bob asked incredulously.
“What kind of shitty name is Klingons for an alien race?” Biotech countered.
“Touché.” Bob admitted.
“This is a Jugjhool.” Biotech explained, as a holographic form appeared in the room.
The alien was reptilian, looking like an upright lizard, seven feet tall, green scaly skin, powerful looking limbs, a large tail and lots and lots of teeth.
Bob and Fred looked at each other with “oh oh” looks on their faces.
“And how many of those things are on the ship?” Bob asked, not really wanting to know the answer.
“103.” Biotech replied calmly.
“Oh is that all, piece of piss!” Bob said sarcastically.
“Well it could have been worse, when the captain left port he had a crew of a thousand, but he has been whittling them down since then.”
“Any chance he’ll kill a few more before we get there?” Fred asked hopefully.
“Doubtful, he’s finally got them down to just the ones he trusts.”
“So just the three of us have to take down 103 of those things?” Bob asked sighing.
“The universes might have gone in different directions when you were 22, but until then they were the same, and I know you have killed more than that before.”
“Humans yeah! But humans die easy, sometimes its hard not to kill them, but those things… If you can mess with the sensors, cant you just open all the airlocks?” Bob asked hopefully.
“The ship’s too big, it would take too long for all the air to be sucked out, and the crew would have too much time to find a way to close them again.” Biotech countered.
“Anyway we can just blow up the ship?” Fred suggested.
“Yes, but if the history of this universe is anything like the history of the other one, we are going to need that ship, and very quickly to fight off more invaders.”
“More aliens?” Bob asked wearily.
“No, these are robots.” Biotech replied.
“Like you?” Fred asked hopefully.
“No, these are called the Batarg, they kill everything that’s not a Batarg.”
“If we just leave the Jugjhools alone wont they take out the Batargs for us?” Bob asked.
“No, if we leave things as is, the Batargs will take out the Jugjhools, then earth.”
“But if the people who know how that ship works cant beat off the Batargs, how are we meant to?” Bob complained.
“Timing is everything, when the Batargs arrive their scanners will be just set to Jugjhool life forms, if they find none on the ship their defences will be down, with their defences down we will have a small window of opportunity to destroy their ships.” Biotech explained.
“What sort of timeframe are we looking at here?” Fred asked.
“We need to have taken over the Jugjhool ship in the next 51 minutes or there’s no point even going.” Said Biotech ominously.
“No pressure then.” Bob said dryly.
He walked over to the mirror on the wall, and reached behind it.
When he pulled his hand out, there was a Beretta model 92 in it.
He pulled back the slide and popped the first round into place.
“That wont do much good up there, but don’t worry, I have some laser weapons for us when we get to the ship” Biotech explained.
“That’s not for up there.” Bob said smiling, then handing the gun to Fred.
“What we are going to do sounds strenuous, and you shouldn’t really do a lot of exercise without having a warm-up first.” He added, heading for the front door.
“Bob!” Fred said in alarm.
“We don’t have time for this!” Biotech added.
Bob opened his front door.
The gang that had gathered across the road had already downed a few beers each by now, and Mr Gobby had got back some of his courage that had failed him earlier in the day.
He was approaching Fred’s car with a spray can of black paint in his hand.
“Got another speech for me?” He asked, looking at Bob with renewed contempt.
“Nah, actions speak louder than words.” Bob replied, sprinting forwards, leaping up on the car bonnet, then launching himself feet first at the annoying man.
Both feet ploughed into the man’s chest, sending him flying back to the other side of the street, the spray can flying out of his hand, up into the air.
Bob twisted in mid air, landing back on his feet, the pain in his groin was his hernias way of letting him know this wasn’t a good idea, but the gang rapidly approaching him weren’t about to let what he did to their friend go unpunished.
Bob straightened up, and the can of paint landed in his hand.
With a rapid arm movement he sprayed a fine mist of black paint towards the faces of the men, catching one of them full in the face, as that one staggered backwards, one of the others who had avoided the paint launched a fist towards Bob’s face.
Bob swerved away from the punch, grabbed the arm, then simultaneously twisted it, then using the back of the paint guy who was doubled over, he stepped up and jumped, still holding onto the guys arm, there was a snapping noise from that guy, and then two of the others got kicked in the head, before Bob landed back on his feet again behind the gang, who now numbered just two still on their feet.
Before either of them could turn around, Bob delivered a pair of karate chops to the nerve bundles just above their hips on the sides.
The two of them slumped to their knees, suddenly unable to stand, and as they went down Bob banged their heads together.
Big gob started to struggle to his feet, only to find all his friends on the floor and either unconscious, or moaning in pain.
He himself was finding it hard to breath, and when he spat out what was in his mouth, a good amount of blood landed on the pavement.
Bob looked at him and smiled.
“Looks like its your lucky day, I am so out of shape you are all still alive. You want to stay that way, then the police don’t here about this, that car stays in immaculate condition, and nothing happens to my house.” Bob said coldly.
Big gob nodded painfully.
“One of your friends has a broken arm, and it looks like you have broken ribs and possibly a punctured lung, I wouldn’t leave it long before you get those seen too, your other friends shouldn’t have anything that needs more than a handful of painkillers.”
The man nodded again.
Bob strode back into his house and closed the door.
“Now where were we?” He said dryly.
curiousa2z
Be patient till the last.
“No, the entire internet, and let me tell you, there’s a lot of porn on there!”
bwahahaha!
this is great!
Go, Bob Jones!
bwahahaha!
this is great!
Go, Bob Jones!
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
BUMP
whisky
Boobie inspector
Next bit
“Was that really necessary?” Biotech asked as Bob joined him and Fred in the living room again.
“Well if I’m going to die in an hour it seemed like a good thing to do first.” Bob replied, making Fred grin.
Biotech looked at Bob, and for an instant his eyes changed colour.
“Well congratulations, you have strangulated your hernia.” He announced, having scanned Bob internally.
“Ah, that would explain the crippling pain then.” Bob replied wincing.
“Do you want me to find some painkillers?” Fred offered heading for the kitchen.
“No need, I can take care of this in about 30 seconds on the ship, we’ve wasted enough time, we should go now.” Biotech replied firmly.
“Yeah, about that, if we have to go up the same way you came down, I have to tell you I’m really not that good at holding my breath.” Bob said dryly.
“That wont be necessary.” Biotech replied, then he, Bob and Fred winked out of existence.
Only to wink back in inside a strange metal room that looked a lot like a hospital ward.
“What the fuck?” Bob gasped, as he tried to comprehend what had just happened.
The air he was breathing was colder than in his house and had a strange aroma to it, kind of swampy.
Fred was smiling broadly.
“We just beamed up!” He said with much excitement.
“That’s right. Now listen, this is the sickbay, no-one should be here as the doctors are all dead, internal sensors are still down so no-one should know we are hear, but try and keep your voices down, you never know if anyone is going to walk by outside and hear the voices.” Biotech explained, before walking over to a large machine with a long glass door in the side.
He pressed a few buttons and the door slid open.
The inside was a bare metal chamber with some lights, big enough to hold a Jugjhool, easily large enough for a human.
“Get in there and I’ll fix your hernia.” He said, looking at Bob.
“Will it hurt?” Bob asked striding towards the machine.
“No, its very similar to the transporter you just used, only after it takes you apart, it analyses your DNA to see how you should be put together rather than how you are now, and fixes everything that’s wrong with you, it can also be manually tweaked.” Biotech explained.
“What sort of tweaks?” Said Bob intrigued.
“Less fat, more muscles, hair length, pretty much anything really.”
Bob nodded and climbed into the machine, while Fred looked on in interest.
Biotech closed the door over Bob, and the machine glowed inside, filling it with light so Bob was no longer visible.
A few seconds later and the light faded, and Bob was back, although his clothes were not.
Biotech opened the door for him and he stepped out.
“Oh I forgot to mention it only works for you, not your clothes.” The robot said lightly.
Bob shrugged, then stood up, his hand going for where his hernia used to be, but he found no lump.
As he smiled at the lack of hernia, his eyes also started to notice other things.
His stomach no longer carried years worth of fat accumulated from too many pizzas and booze, it was not only flat, it was ripped, a fully formed six pack.
And the hand that was touching where the hernia used to be was connected to a forearm that was beefy, witch itself was connected to an upper arm with a hell of a good bicep on it.
“Nice!” Bob said, admiring his new physique.
“This machine, could it make me a woman?” Fred asked Biotech hopefully.
“You do remember the whole 44 minutes left to save the world thing right?” Biotech replied anxiously.
“Yeah, but if we are going to die saving it, then I’d rather die as a woman.” Fred said determinedly.
“Just let him do it.” Bob said firmly.
“Fine!” Biotech said testily, opening the door to the machine again.
Smiling Fred stepped into the machine, and as Biotech closed the door, Bob watched fascinated as the glow did its job again, while Biotech did some extra programming.
The glow dissipated and the door opened again, and out stepped Fred, naked as Bob was.
Still same height, same eye colour, same hair colour, but definitely different body, with shoulder length real hair.
“Dude looks like a lady!” Bob said smiling, enjoying the view even though he knew deep down this was still Fred.
Fred put a hand on her breast and cupped it, it was a good size, then her other hand crept down to her crotch, and what had been there for 37 years no longer was, and what she had always wanted for almost as long was there instead.
“Man, I feel like a woman!” She replied.
“When you’re quite finished with the song quotes, we still have a ship to take and a planet to save!” Biotech said hurriedly.
“Well some clothes would be nice.” Bob replied, trying to think of other things so he wouldn’t react in inappropriate way over his friends hot naked body.
Biotech’s eyes flickered slightly as he communicated with the ship, then with a faint hum, two uniforms appeared over Bob and Fred, complete with boots.
“That’s better.” Said Fred, still admiring her new form.
“Yeah much better.” Bob replied, glad he didn’t still have as good a view of it.
Biotech walked over to a wall cabinet and opened it up.
From inside he pulled two mean looking guns.
They were like nothing the humans had seen before, but they had a trigger and a barrel, so it didn’t take a lot of working out which was the good end to be on.
He handed one each to them, and it took them a few seconds to get used to the weight.
“So what’s the plan?” Bob asked, looking over the gun.
“Head for the bridge, kill everyone on the way, when we get to the bridge, kill everyone there, after we’ve done that kill everyone else, and assuming we’re still alive and have done all this in the next half hour, save the earth from the Batargs.” Biotech explained.
“No pressure then.” Fred replied dryly.
“Before we go, there is something I must do, just in case I am killed or damaged and cannot help you run the ship.” Biotech said ominously, before placing his metal hand on Bob’s forehead.
Before Bob could even ask what was going on, a wave of nausea flooded into his mind, images and information flooding in so fast he could make no sense of any of it, and then a second later it was over.
Biotech took his hand away, and Bob shook his head trying to clear it.
“Whoah!” He said, in awe.
“What happened?” Fred asked nervously.
“I appear to have windows XP in my head.” Bob replied in all seriousness.
“I just picked something you would be most familiar with.” Biotech explained. “I have established a psychic link with you, everything you need to know about the ship is on the desktop inside the ship icon, if the desktop gets too distracting you can minimize it. I can access the ships sensors and send the info to you so it can be used in a HUD.”
“When do I get mine?” Fred asked.
“I can only do this once I’m afraid, but if its any consolation, when you were in the machine it did program your brain to understand and speak all known languages in the galaxy.”
“Cool, if we survive this, I’ll never have to read a subtitle again!” Fred said smiling.
“Shouldn’t you have a gun?” Bob asked, looking at Biotech.
Biotech tapped the circular protrusions on his chest.
“Built in.” He explained.
“Oh well, guess we better do this then.” Bob said resignedly.
Fred nodded, then Biotech opened the door and the three of them charged out into the corridor.
“Was that really necessary?” Biotech asked as Bob joined him and Fred in the living room again.
“Well if I’m going to die in an hour it seemed like a good thing to do first.” Bob replied, making Fred grin.
Biotech looked at Bob, and for an instant his eyes changed colour.
“Well congratulations, you have strangulated your hernia.” He announced, having scanned Bob internally.
“Ah, that would explain the crippling pain then.” Bob replied wincing.
“Do you want me to find some painkillers?” Fred offered heading for the kitchen.
“No need, I can take care of this in about 30 seconds on the ship, we’ve wasted enough time, we should go now.” Biotech replied firmly.
“Yeah, about that, if we have to go up the same way you came down, I have to tell you I’m really not that good at holding my breath.” Bob said dryly.
“That wont be necessary.” Biotech replied, then he, Bob and Fred winked out of existence.
Only to wink back in inside a strange metal room that looked a lot like a hospital ward.
“What the fuck?” Bob gasped, as he tried to comprehend what had just happened.
The air he was breathing was colder than in his house and had a strange aroma to it, kind of swampy.
Fred was smiling broadly.
“We just beamed up!” He said with much excitement.
“That’s right. Now listen, this is the sickbay, no-one should be here as the doctors are all dead, internal sensors are still down so no-one should know we are hear, but try and keep your voices down, you never know if anyone is going to walk by outside and hear the voices.” Biotech explained, before walking over to a large machine with a long glass door in the side.
He pressed a few buttons and the door slid open.
The inside was a bare metal chamber with some lights, big enough to hold a Jugjhool, easily large enough for a human.
“Get in there and I’ll fix your hernia.” He said, looking at Bob.
“Will it hurt?” Bob asked striding towards the machine.
“No, its very similar to the transporter you just used, only after it takes you apart, it analyses your DNA to see how you should be put together rather than how you are now, and fixes everything that’s wrong with you, it can also be manually tweaked.” Biotech explained.
“What sort of tweaks?” Said Bob intrigued.
“Less fat, more muscles, hair length, pretty much anything really.”
Bob nodded and climbed into the machine, while Fred looked on in interest.
Biotech closed the door over Bob, and the machine glowed inside, filling it with light so Bob was no longer visible.
A few seconds later and the light faded, and Bob was back, although his clothes were not.
Biotech opened the door for him and he stepped out.
“Oh I forgot to mention it only works for you, not your clothes.” The robot said lightly.
Bob shrugged, then stood up, his hand going for where his hernia used to be, but he found no lump.
As he smiled at the lack of hernia, his eyes also started to notice other things.
His stomach no longer carried years worth of fat accumulated from too many pizzas and booze, it was not only flat, it was ripped, a fully formed six pack.
And the hand that was touching where the hernia used to be was connected to a forearm that was beefy, witch itself was connected to an upper arm with a hell of a good bicep on it.
“Nice!” Bob said, admiring his new physique.
“This machine, could it make me a woman?” Fred asked Biotech hopefully.
“You do remember the whole 44 minutes left to save the world thing right?” Biotech replied anxiously.
“Yeah, but if we are going to die saving it, then I’d rather die as a woman.” Fred said determinedly.
“Just let him do it.” Bob said firmly.
“Fine!” Biotech said testily, opening the door to the machine again.
Smiling Fred stepped into the machine, and as Biotech closed the door, Bob watched fascinated as the glow did its job again, while Biotech did some extra programming.
The glow dissipated and the door opened again, and out stepped Fred, naked as Bob was.
Still same height, same eye colour, same hair colour, but definitely different body, with shoulder length real hair.
“Dude looks like a lady!” Bob said smiling, enjoying the view even though he knew deep down this was still Fred.
Fred put a hand on her breast and cupped it, it was a good size, then her other hand crept down to her crotch, and what had been there for 37 years no longer was, and what she had always wanted for almost as long was there instead.
“Man, I feel like a woman!” She replied.
“When you’re quite finished with the song quotes, we still have a ship to take and a planet to save!” Biotech said hurriedly.
“Well some clothes would be nice.” Bob replied, trying to think of other things so he wouldn’t react in inappropriate way over his friends hot naked body.
Biotech’s eyes flickered slightly as he communicated with the ship, then with a faint hum, two uniforms appeared over Bob and Fred, complete with boots.
“That’s better.” Said Fred, still admiring her new form.
“Yeah much better.” Bob replied, glad he didn’t still have as good a view of it.
Biotech walked over to a wall cabinet and opened it up.
From inside he pulled two mean looking guns.
They were like nothing the humans had seen before, but they had a trigger and a barrel, so it didn’t take a lot of working out which was the good end to be on.
He handed one each to them, and it took them a few seconds to get used to the weight.
“So what’s the plan?” Bob asked, looking over the gun.
“Head for the bridge, kill everyone on the way, when we get to the bridge, kill everyone there, after we’ve done that kill everyone else, and assuming we’re still alive and have done all this in the next half hour, save the earth from the Batargs.” Biotech explained.
“No pressure then.” Fred replied dryly.
“Before we go, there is something I must do, just in case I am killed or damaged and cannot help you run the ship.” Biotech said ominously, before placing his metal hand on Bob’s forehead.
Before Bob could even ask what was going on, a wave of nausea flooded into his mind, images and information flooding in so fast he could make no sense of any of it, and then a second later it was over.
Biotech took his hand away, and Bob shook his head trying to clear it.
“Whoah!” He said, in awe.
“What happened?” Fred asked nervously.
“I appear to have windows XP in my head.” Bob replied in all seriousness.
“I just picked something you would be most familiar with.” Biotech explained. “I have established a psychic link with you, everything you need to know about the ship is on the desktop inside the ship icon, if the desktop gets too distracting you can minimize it. I can access the ships sensors and send the info to you so it can be used in a HUD.”
“When do I get mine?” Fred asked.
“I can only do this once I’m afraid, but if its any consolation, when you were in the machine it did program your brain to understand and speak all known languages in the galaxy.”
“Cool, if we survive this, I’ll never have to read a subtitle again!” Fred said smiling.
“Shouldn’t you have a gun?” Bob asked, looking at Biotech.
Biotech tapped the circular protrusions on his chest.
“Built in.” He explained.
“Oh well, guess we better do this then.” Bob said resignedly.
Fred nodded, then Biotech opened the door and the three of them charged out into the corridor.
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Tweaks!
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
shameless courtesy bump
curiousa2z
Be patient till the last.
GOSH I FELL FOR THE BUMP!
ANY MORE ON THE WAY?
ANY MORE ON THE WAY?
curiousa2z
Be patient till the last.
AM I BEING TOO PUSHY?
curiousa2z
Be patient till the last.
heh.
we'll just have to wait patiently til inspiration hits him again.
we'll just have to wait patiently til inspiration hits him again.
curiousa2z
Be patient till the last.
why do we say inspiration hits?
inspiration strikes?
sounds violent.
inspiration strikes?
sounds violent.