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Doctor Who's next Dalek episode

CaptainWacky

CaptainWacky

I want to smell dark matter
(The Doctor and Martha are in, let's say, King Arthur's court.)

Martha: Wow I've always wanted to be in King Arthur's court and stuff!

Lancelot: Good morrow, dark Lady of the three Africas.

(He kisses her hand.)

Martha: Ooooh!

Doctor: Hang on, don't I get a kiss?

Lancelot: Of course!

(He kisses the Doctor on the mouth.)

Lancelot: For I am, bisexual!

Random Knight: Me too!

Another Random Knight: And me!

Third: I'm all the way straight.

(They stare at him in disbelief for a moment.)

Third: Just kidding!

(They all laugh and make until a KITTEN with a plunger sticking out its tail runs over.)

Kitten: Exterminate! Miaow!

(It kills all the gays!)

Doctor: Wait a minute, kittens can't do that! This isn't WACKY RACES!

Martha: Huh?

Doctor: Shit I'm running out of pop culture references.

Martha: Ones that make sense anyway.

Lancelot: Follow that kitten!

(They chase the kitten into the CASTLE BASEMENT where lots of other kittens are waiting with kitten guns.)

Doctor: SHIT!

(Dalek Khan rolls out.)

Dalek: HAHAHAHA I YET LIVE.

Doctor: No, no! My greatest foe!

(REALLY FUCKING DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS just so that you know the daleks are really dangerous and shit, even though they capture the doctor all the time and never just SHOOT HIM.)

Dalek: BEHOLD MY KITTEN ARMY.

Doctor: You're going to take over Earth in King Arthur's time using the kittens, you monster! ALL YOU KNOW IS KILLING AND BEING MEAN AND STUFF.

Dalek: YES.

(A kitten jumps in Martha's lap and she strokes it.)

Lancelot: What manner of manacle monstrosity is this, a creation of the lady Morwen!?

Dalek: SHUT UP.

(It shoots him in the LEG.)

Doctor: Ah, your power is low, so you can only shoot people in the leg and need kittens to do your dirty work!

Dalek: SI-LENCE! KIT-TENS, EX-TER-MIN-ATE THE DOC-TOR!

Kitten: Why?

Dalek: What!?

Kitten: Why should we? The nice black woman stroked me!

Another Kitten: I'd rather have sex with other kittens of both gender, rather than kill!

Doctor: HAHA, one thing the great daleks didn't take into account again, the independance of kittens!

Dalek: THE DAL-EK KITTEN EXPERIMENT IS A FAIL-URE! MUCH LIKE THIS SCRIPT!

(The Dalek melts all the kittens with a GAMMA OMEGA RAY which he could have just used to kill the Doctor but didn't for some REASON.)

Doctor: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Martha: Hey Doctor, do you think, one day, like, if you get really lonely, maybe, you'd give me a shag?

Doctor: All right Dalek, put them up, let's have this out once and for all!

Dalek: TEMPORAL SHIFT!

(It goes back in time AGAIN and Russel T Davies appears on Confidential saying "we have to keep the daleks alive, obligatory 'hiding behind the sofas' reference!")

Martha: We did it!

Lancelot: Oh, my leg! But I have to do something HISTORICALLY RELEVENANT in eight minutes! But how, with only one leg!

Doctor: Fucked if I know!

(The Doctor and Martha leave.)
 
Sounds more enjoyable than tonights episode.

No doubt the next one will either have a wrath of Caan line, or shaka Caan.
 
I think some people are scared to say anything negative about New Who in case it disappears for fifteen years again.
 
Question: roughly what percentage of the UK population are race-mixing queers? NuWho seems to portray it as rather common.
 
5%
 
RTD, the producer and sometime scriptwriter is gay and apparently extremely proud, so virtually every episode has a reference to homosexuals or bisexuals or doggers or something(this week someone thought the Doctor was gay). It hasn't gone unnoticed.

Usually I like Who when it's being intentionally naff, but lately it just hasn't been as good. They're getting lazy.
 
I didn't notice any gay reference this week.
 
Telullha or however it's spelt thought the Doc was gay because he liked musicals and Martha mentioned him having a companion which does admittedly sound gay.
 
It's just when they try to act like homosexuality is no big deal in the future (which it shouldn't be of course) but still make it a jokey reference like the two old women lesbians a few weeks ago shocking the Father Dougal cat, it was supposed to be the year FIVE BILLION so whey the fuck would two women being married be a big deal TO A CAT MARRIED TO A HUMAN WOMAN?
 
Mmm, despite the fact that it "isn't a big deal", the writers draw as much attention to it as possible, just ramming it down people's throats. Behaviour like that is one of the things that makes gay people disliked, so they're doing the community a disservice. I'd rather there weren't any gay people if that's the way they're going to go about it.
 
That's one of the factors that's been bothering me about NuWho and Torchwood.

Look, gays on TV or gays in the plot is nothing new, but Davies acts like he's some sort of pioneer... wanting to "explore homosexuality in Torchwood" and all that crap.

They did that in the 70s on Soap with Billy Crystal's character and on Dynasty with whatshisname's son. It's been done.

Fuddlemiff hit it on the head... Davies is cramming it down people's throats just like gay rights advocates in RL do.
 
That's what I meant, slgh
 
Maybe one day you'll hit it on the head too. :)
 
Maybe Captain Jack will start wanking me off against my will and I'll say "I'm really not comfortable with this" and he'll say "oh come on, it's Torchwood!" and I'll say "YES YES OH GOD I LOVE IT" and nut in his eyes, blinding him and he accidently touches Owen Harper's duck but the duck is INTO it and Owen gives him a blowjob, TWCIE!?q
 
You're not allowed to say "Captain Jack", you're supposed to introduce him as "John Barrowman, star of Torchwood" or "Star of Torchwood, John Barrowman". Then he can press his palm to your chest under the pretext of checking if you're breathing from your nose or not.
 
He'd go hetero for Judy Finnegan.
 
Who wouldn't?
 
SANE PEOPLE!?
 
Richard "limp wrist action" Madley?

Cheers, whisky, that's a good way to get round Lonaf stilllll not having karma!
 
Many LONAF is so behind the times they still hate Christian and Lisa!
 
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