Donkey Kong tried to kill himself this morning

[CaptainWacky]

Diddy was surprised when Donkey Kong finally let him into hit hut this morning. He then watched in disbelief as Donkey took a frozen banana out of his fridge and drove it into his own heart. The symbolism was obvious. Diddy called Funky Kong for help right away, but it may have been too late. Doctors are fighting to keep Donkey Kong alive as we speak.

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooo not on Christmas!

 

[Dr Dave]

This is tragic news.

 

[Henoch]

Christmas is a good day to die on.

 

[Cassie]

Donkey Kong needs a hot banana injection!

 

[Dr Dave]

Slutty Kong should go help him out.

 

[CaptainWacky]

He's still hanging onto life!

 

[Dr Dave]

I hope he gets the help he needs.

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

HE HAS TO PULL THROUGH!

WE SHOULD ALL DONATE COINS AND MUSHROOMS!

 

[Big Dick McGee]

It's all the fault of that fucking Dago Mario and his retarded half-brother, Luigi!! Plumber, my ass! Those dudes are clearly greaseball Sicilian hitmen!!

 

[Dr Dave]

How many forest fires have they caused after shooting fireballs?

 

[Loktar]

They're closet furries too. Raccoon fursuits.

 

[CaptainWacky]

Cranky Kong is refusing to visit him in hospital.

 

[Dr Dave]

What a jerk.