Emotionally available

[Consumer]

Mmmm...if I were overly interested in continuing to breed, you might have a point. However, I don't want more children, and have medically made sure I won't so the point becomes one of instinct rather than practical relationships.

Sex is secondary. Power is the point, and in M-Dom relationships the power dynamic is that the woman holds the "keystone" of sexuality, and when she gives that power up (the power to choose when/where/with whom she has sex) to a male, that's a BIG part of the thrill. The dynamic in a F-Dom relationship is quite different, and a Domme can discuss that.

Something to think on.

 

[The Call Of Nature]

I think it's not just about keeping someone for breeding. Many women will do everything a man demands just because they worry to be left and are panicking at the thought of being alone. They propably define themselves only by their sexual attraction (that's merely a speculation, though).

I have a totally different way of thinking than the women in your examples and explanations do, hence I can't quite follow your argumentation. Or rather I can follow your train of thoughts and there are indeed women who may feel this way, but I am definitely not one of them. I'm a very strong character, lead a good life on my own, am dependent of nobody and would never do anything that is against my wishes or against my sense of honour and self-esteem. When I say no, I mean it, ninety-eleven percent. When it comes to RPGs my answer is a decisive no and I wouldn't advise anyone to try to force me. (ok, admittedly one no earned me a 6 inch scar, but those two guys didn't look any better, afterwards :ramen

 

[Consumer]

My Dear Ms. Nature,

I think that you mis-understand. I'm not interested in "converting" anyone. There are many, many more women who have the mind-set that I find attractive than I can possibly engage with, so if you feel differently that's perfectly ok with me.

Here is the arrogance in me, however. I do feel bad for those who don't. I know, you don't want my pitty or even sympathy, but I feel that there are many, many women out there who have been forced to live "out of role" due to society induced pressures (i.e. what I'd term as "bad feminism").

Some of the happiest women I know have a collar around their neck (and a PHD in many cases). Of course, some of the most un-happy women I know used to have one around their necks and have vowed "never again". The "Never again" crowd, however, often wish things had been different...because what they walled off out of defense is still something they want to feel complete.

My two cents. It really doesn't bother me if others feel differently. However, if you want to understand my viewpoint, I'll engage.

 

['Gear]

Mmmm...if I were overly interested in continuing to breed, you might have a point. However, I don't want more children, and have medically made sure I won't so the point becomes one of instinct rather than practical relationships.

Sex is secondary. Power is the point, and in M-Dom relationships the power dynamic is that the woman holds the "keystone" of sexuality, and when she gives that power up (the power to choose when/where/with whom she has sex) to a male, that's a BIG part of the thrill. The dynamic in a F-Dom relationship is quite different, and a Domme can discuss that.

Something to think on.

Everything you've mentioned above boils down finally to controlling the placement of semen. You controlling yours medically. M-dom controlling when/where/with whom (at least on it face) with her. And F-dom controlling his. Sex and power are interchangeable. Even if you aren't able to impregnate a women, you're still acting out the version of biological imperative that works best for you. Which is an expression of your power and also your sexuality. They are one and the same in the final rendering.

The upside of realizing things can be reduced to the point that almost nothing matter, is you can then decide what matters to you. And that decisive action is a process by which power is exerted. But that exertion will be inextricably intertwined with sex because that, in the end, is all we are.

 

[Consumer]

Often sex and power are one in the same, I agree.

However, don't make the mistake of over-simplification. For the vast "unwashed masses" power and sex are intertwined and enough (even if they don't realize it).

For a few, Power can also be a fetish in itself, and such individuals are less easy to predict (and maybe they should be contained or executed for the good of society).

That fact is one that Heinlein missed.

 

[Mirah]

Hi emme, it is nice to see you here. : )

It almost seems as if you were seeking approval from Friday. Or as if you wanted her acceptance.

Friday, I have a question for you. Have you ever had a spiritual advisor? Or someone you have been accountable to? Perhaps a group even?

 

[Love Child]

Because, Ms. child, and I say this with the utmost gentleness: anyone worth making love to will fall in love with you sooner or later. The ones who just fuck are not worth the time, are ignorant of themselves, and miss 90% of the experience.

You don't strike me as that sort of woman.

It looks as if we're the two extremes, LC: while you seek a purely sexual relationship, I could never have one. I'm just not able to sleep with a man whom I don't love (and not interested in doing so, anyway). For me, sex is not just the mechanical act itself, a building and releasing of tension, but rather a physical expression of the uttermost emotional closeness.
There is a Native American legend which says that originally humans had 2 heads and 4 arms and legs each. They were perfect, almost god-like, so that some spirit got envious, split them and scattered the halves all over the planet. Ever since, the halves are wandering around, searching for their missing part. In very rare cases they find each other and become perfect again.
That's exactly what I need for good sex: the feeling that we are in fact one, not only physically, but in every aspect of our lives. Without that feeling, masturbation is propably the better solution. At least I can be sure it's done by someone who loves me.

I never said I didn't love them. Perhaps I have become cynical. Perhaps I have given up hope of something special between two people. Perhaps I am full of fear.

I will not just fuck anybody. There has to be a connection.

I guess what I am saying is that I would love to have a relationship with someone where our intentions are clear and there are no hidden agendas.

I don't need a guy to pay my bills, I don't want to make babies, I am not going to cook and clean for him or do his laundry. We are just going to fuck.

 

[The Call Of Nature]

I will not just fuck anybody. There has to be a connection.

I guess what I am saying is that I would love to have a relationship with someone where our intentions are clear and there are no hidden agendas.

I don't need a guy to pay my bills, I don't want to make babies, I am not going to cook and clean for him or do his laundry. We are just going to fuck.

That sums it up perfectly.

 

[Consumer]

Maybe this comes full circle then.

I eventually, sooner in some cases, later in others, fall in love with my lovers. The Power dynamics make that intimacy possible in my case, giving us both a 'safe place' where we can predict the other's actions.

The D/s may be a shield. But ultimately, I do love. I am "Emotionally available".

And I am sad for those who are not.

 

[emme]

Hi emme, it is nice to see you here. : )

It almost seems as if you were seeking approval from Friday. Or as if you wanted her acceptance.

Friday, I have a question for you. Have you ever had a spiritual advisor? Or someone you have been accountable to? Perhaps a group even?

I Mirah. Always good to see you.

As to your questions, it's not about Friday's approval. It's about challenging her disapproval, and although that sounds like the same thing, it isn't. Friday is a smart and evolved woman, and I expect her to keep on evolving when it comes to the choices of women. By that I mean, limiting her disrespect for some choices and instead praising an informed choice.

If the choice is informed, that is the win for a woman. The freedom to make herself happy and forge her own direction in life. That deserves praise and respect, because there was a time when women had no choice in their own happiness.

Additionally, lacking respect for any man who would dominate a woman flies in the face of thousands of years of evolution. Men do dominate. There are some who would have no respect for a man who didn't try and dominate a woman. He'd be seen as not male enough.

It's in male DNA, it's instinctual. What gets missed in this kind of conversation is that D/s often speaks to instinctive cause and effect in male/female interactions. As in all scales there are extreme points and a long middle with varying degrees of non power interactions all the way to total power exchanges. But what is in ALL relationships is a power dynamic.

People in D/s just quantify it, examine it, and determine what works between the two in terms of power exchange. I find more respect in that than the push/pull of people who claim an equal power relationship and play tug-of-war all the time over power in a daily, and sometimes hourly fight over it.

What people in D/s have already settled is how power works best between two people. It limits the day to day bickering that others call a healthy relationship.

Another supposition about D/s is that they are all the same. Just as so-called equal power relationships aren't all the same, so D/s couples aren't all the same either. So, generalities are a straw man in my opinion, a straw man built on the fears of people who can't confront power issues in relationships.

I can respect people who make different choices, but I'll challenge anyone who makes a value judgement about woman who dare to make different choice based on nothing but hearsay over what they believe D/s is about and how it has to be a mental illness.

 

[Gagh]

I must be a really faggy man compared to the 'butchy beefy' stereotype. I have always been a prude sexually, but I have now got to a stage where I am interested mostly in making a close emotional connection with somebody, and fitting everything else around it.

Sex is amazingly overrated, and merely a way to consumate a deeper feeling of togetherness for me. Now I've had a long period of singledom, I can look back on all previous relationships and feel that an important connection was missing, and that was exclusively emotional.

Now, onto these:

A man should not cry in front of their lover/lovers. Not more than once a decade at least. Exceptions for really SAD movies, but even then it's just a few tears and you excuse yourself to the bathroom.

I blub at the drop of a hat to movies, and TV Shows, and a lot more beyond that - well, not that bad. A few tears, a little sniffle, and then done. I've always been happy with that. Fuck anyone who thinks that faggy as well. I have a heart & a brain, and they both work just fine.

A man SHOULD be able to tell you that you (the woman) have annoyed him, crossed the line in some way, or otherwise caused trouble in a level and rational manner. We should also accept that you'll do the same in an irrational manner (but you have breasts, so we give you a pass on this).

He shouldn't just be able to 'tell' them, but explain it too, otherwise everything is doomed to fail. This is equally true of both genders.

Now, everyone take your pants off.

 

[emme]

Gagh, a man doesn't have to be all "beefy" and aggressive to show control and confidence [and more importantly power over himself and his world]. It's a lot more than just the stereotypical beefy asshole [IMHO]. So sure, if you get teary at a movie, g'head.

People look for fulfillment in a relationship. How they arrange the details, and what works for couples--works. What doesn't--doesn't. Couples make those distinctions, not the people looking in on any given day.

 

[The Call Of Nature]

you don't necessarily need a teary movie to impress a woman. I recommend "Someone Like You" with Hugh Jackman. A very funny love story or a slightly romantic comedy - depends on your point of view. At any rate it's both romantic and hilarious. The perfect girl-bait. (Well, at least it'd work on me if I wasn't already totally in love with Mr Jackman :biggrin

 

[Consumer]

"Secretary" works as a date-flick too.

(and after she goes to sleep, sneak back to the livingroom and watch "Biker Vixen Cheerleaders in Chains".)

 

['Gear]

"Secretary" works as a date-flick too.

(and after she goes to sleep, sneak back to the livingroom and watch "Biker Vixen Cheerleaders in Chains".)

One of the sweetest love stories of all time. And certainly her best work by far.

"Secretary" I mean.

Spader was no slouch either.

 

[emme]

One of the sweetest love stories of all time. And certainly her best work by far.

"Secretary" I mean.

Spader was no slouch either.

It really *is* the sweetest love story. Two kinky quirts, both damaged, and able to find love. It's the all-American love story. Well, except for all the kinky stuff. LOL

I also think it's Maggie's best work to date. Spader never disappoints. Hard to pick a "best" performance with him.

 

[Blindgroping]

This thread has now gotten psychologically interesting.

I approve.

 

[Blindgroping]

The line in Forrest Gump where he says, "And Jenny died on a Saturday" always gets me too tear up.

 

['Gear]

It really *is* the sweetest love story. Two kinky quirts, both damaged, and able to find love. It's the all-American love story. Well, except for all the kinky stuff. LOL

I also think it's Maggie's best work to date. Spader never disappoints. Hard to pick a "best" performance with him.

What do you mean 'except for'?? I'd say 'especially with'. How can you really love someone if you can't love those wonderful kinks? And how can you feel loved if you have to keep your kinks to yourself?

TO KINK!

 

[emme]

What do you mean 'except for'?? I'd say 'especially with'. How can you really love someone if you can't love those wonderful kinks? And how can you feel loved if you have to keep your kinks to yourself?

TO KINK!

Well, I meant it tongue 'n cheek, of course it's a lot more fun to "love" the quirks than the perfections [if there actually is such a thing as perfection]. A LOT MORE FUN!! And I agree, real love is in the wonderful kinds and quirts, otherwise we'd all be cookie cutter images of each other. Our individuality is in our quirks and our particular damage.

So "here here" to kink and quirks -- and real love.