TO MY DEAR WIFE,
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every 10 days.
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
5 times you didn't want to mess your new hair do
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory
because 6 times you laid there, 8 times you reminded me
there's a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and
get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you and tell you it was
over, and one time I was afraid I hurt you because I felt you move.