FHM's 100 sexiest 2012 (annotated)

[CaptainWacky]

Got to admit, they've outdone themselves this time! Here's the unmolsted list first with comments to follow.

1. Tulisa Contostavlos
2. Cheryl Cole
3. Rihanna
4. Rosie Jones
5. Georgia Salpa
6. Katy Perry
7. Megan Fox
8. Keeley Hazell
9. Mila Kunis
10. Emily Atack
11. Pippa Middleton
12. Pixie Lott
13. Daisy Lowe
14. Mollie King
15. Millie Mackintosh
16. Jessie J
17. Zooey Deschanel
18. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley
19. Frankie Sandford
20. Kelly Brook
21. Laura Haddock
22. Berenice Marlohe
23. Kate Upton
24. Holly Willoughby
25. Cher Lloyd
26. Michelle Keegan
27. Lana Del Rey
28. Katrina Bowden
29. Taylor Momsen
30. Scarlett Johansson
31. Angelina Jolie
32. Kate Middleton
33. Miley Cyrus
34. Mellisa Clarke
35. Paris Hilton
36. Karen Gillan
37. Emma Stone
38. Beyonce
39. Naya Rivera
40. Olivia Munn
41. Jessica Alba
42. Fearne Cotton
43. Nicole Scherzinger
44. Dianna Agron
45. Adriana Lima
46. Bar Refaeli
47. Helen Flanagan
48. Caroline Flack
49. Jade Thirlwall
50. Jessica Michibata
51. Miranda Kerr
52. Kristin Stewart
53. Olivia Wilde
54. Vanessa Hudgens
55. Carey Mulligan
56. Kaley Cuoco
57. Florence Brudenell-Bruce
58. Christine Bleakley
59. Britney Spears
60. Yasmin
61. Jennifer Lopez
62. Hayley Williams
63. Rachel Bilson
64. Emma Watson
65. Kim Kardashian
66. Una Healy
67. Lucy Mecklenburgh
68. Minka Kelly
69. Abbey Clancy
70. Ashley Greene
71. Natalie Portman
72. January Jones
73. Kaya Scodelario
74. Jennifer Lawrence
75. Selena Gomez
76. Amanda Seyfried
77. Alison Brie
78. Freya Mavor
79. Jennifer Aniston
80. Caggie Dunlop
81. Janina Gavankar
82. Alex Jones
83. Sofia Vergara
84. Rachel Riley
85. Alexandra Stan
86. Jorgie Porter
87. Laura Whitmore
88. Nicki Minaj
89. Christina Hendricks
90. Jenna Randall
91. Jenna-Louise Coleman
92. Florrie
93. Alexandra Breckenridge
94. Rita Ora
95. Irina Shayk
96. Helen Skelton
97. Kate Garraway
98. Jessica Findlay Brown
99. Taylor Swift
100. Franziska Klein

 

[CaptainWacky]

1. Tulisa Contostavlos - AAAAAAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA HAHA HAHA HA HA HA HA ha ha ha ha...ha ha...ha...ha? What the fuck.
2. Cheryl Cole
3. Rihanna
4. Rosie Jones - Who?
5. Georgia Salpa - Okay, she nearly got raped on CBB and has huge breasts. But I refuse to believe she's this popular.
6. Katy Perry
7. Megan Fox - Maybe she'll finally drop off these lists next year now that she's pregnant.
8. Keeley Hazell
9. Mila Kunis - They actually put someone good in the top ten!
10. Emily Atack
11. Pippa Middleton - FUCK OFF.
12. Pixie Lott
13. Daisy Lowe
14. Mollie King
15. Millie Mackintosh
16. Jessie J - WHAT.
17. Zooey Deschanel - How the fuck is she so popular with FHM readers? I mean she's nice enough but 17th? Why?
18. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley
19. Frankie Sandford
20. Kelly Brook
21. Laura Haddock
22. Berenice Marlohe - There's so many people on this list I don't know so I'm just randomly singling this one out.
23. Kate Upton
24. Holly Willoughby
25. Cher Lloyd - LOL WHAT.
26. Michelle Keegan
27. Lana Del Rey - WHAT LOL.
28. Katrina Bowden
29. Taylor Momsen - Yeah I'm fine with this.
30. Scarlett Johansson - Better than the 29 above her (and many below her.)
31. Angelina Jolie
32. Kate Middleton - No.
33. Miley Cyrus - LOL.
34. Mellisa Clarke - I think they meant "Emilia Clarke".
35. Paris Hilton - Who the fuck, in the entire world, would vote for her?
36. Karen Gillan - Apparently not as hot as PARIS HILTON.
37. Emma Stone - She's cute.
38. Beyonce - where's SHAKIRA.
39. Naya Rivera
40. Olivia Munn
41. Jessica Alba - She still exists?
42. Fearne Cotton - Okay, I don't think she's ugly or anything, but isn't this a bit insanely high?
43. Nicole Scherzinger
44. Dianna Agron
45. Adriana Lima
46. Bar Refaeli
47. Helen Flanagan
48. Caroline Flack
49. Jade Thirlwall
50. Jessica Michibata
51. Miranda Kerr
52. Kristin Stewart
53. Olivia Wilde - She's 50 places higher on the Wacky Hot One Hundred.
54. Vanessa Hudgens
55. Carey Mulligan - I'm amazed FHM readers would vote for her.
56. Kaley Cuoco - MENTY WILL BE HAPPY.
57. Florence Brudenell-Bruce - They're just making names up.
58. Christine Bleakley - The fuck?
59. Britney Spears - LOL.
60. Yasmin - She only has one name!
61. Jennifer Lopez - Jesus Christ.
62. Hayley Williams
63. Rachel Bilson
64. Emma Watson
65. Kim Kardashian - Why.
66. Una Healy
67. Lucy Mecklenburgh
68. Minka Kelly
69. Abbey Clancy
70. Ashley Greene
71. Natalie Portman - Seventy places too low.
72. January Jones
73. Kaya Scodelario
74. Jennifer Lawrence
75. Selena Gomez
76. Amanda Seyfried - Should be in the top ten.
77. Alison Brie - I guess she's done enough photoshoots to be noticed by FHM readers? She's lovely but Gillian Jacobs is even lovelier.
78. Freya Mavor
79. Jennifer Aniston - LOL. Come on.
80. Caggie Dunlop
81. Janina Gavankar - She's in True Blood and she is hot, but how could she make it and not Deborah Ann Woll?
82. Alex Jones - The annoying Welsh woman from The One Show. Not even good looking.
83. Sofia Vergara
84. Rachel Riley - Way too low.
85. Alexandra Stan
86. Jorgie Porter
87. Laura Whitmore
88. Nicki Minaj
89. Christina Hendricks - Too low.
90. Jenna Randall
91. Jenna-Louise Coleman
92. Florrie - What.
93. Alexandra Breckenridge
94. Rita Ora
95. Irina Shayk
96. Helen Skelton - FOR GAGH?
97. Kate Garraway
98. Jessica Findlay Brown - It's Jessica Brown Findlay, actually.
99. Taylor Swift
100. Franziska Klein

There's so many glaring ommissions that I don't know where to begin.

 

[Loktar]

Fuck FHM. I don't even know half the people on that list. The Wacky Hot One Hundred is way better.

 

[SAUSAGEMAN]

I think they meant Melinda Clarke.

 

[headvoid]

Could only be bothered to comment on the Top 50

1. Tulisa Contostavlos - I can only assume this position as everyone feels sorry for her, while secretly sneaking a peak at the video with a knob in her mouth. They then get all moral and say it’s terrible.
2. Cheryl Cole – Just laughable
3. Rihanna – I assume Visibility / fame counts for something. Then why isn’t Hillary Clinton on this list?
4. Rosie Jones - The Nuts vote
5. Georgia Salpa – Big nockers
6. Katy Perry – See Rihanna
7. Megan Fox – Beyond me
8. Keeley Hazell – Horribly big breasts urgh.
9. Mila Kunis - Nice
10. Emily Atack – Big forehead, funny looking
11. Pippa Middleton – She is attractive, but the hanging around with French aristocrats who seemed to have avoided the guillotine annoys me.
12. Pixie Lott - Urgh
13. Daisy Lowe – see above
14. Mollie King – Orange, with teeth
15. Millie Mackintosh - attractive
16. Jessie J – I really like her, it’s the legs I am afraid.
17. Zooey Deschanel - accepted
18. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley – Cheekbones and Lingerie
19. Frankie Sandford – bit plain without make up
20. Kelly Brook – Gagh knows my feelings on this one, would promote chemical weapons if they paid her enough.
21. Laura Haddock – Talented and cheekbones
22. Berenice Marlohe – finally, an interesting, attractive and talented woman.
23. Kate Upton – Knows how to jiggle
24. Holly Willoughby – isn’t she friends with Fearne Cotton?
25. Cher Lloyd – please, stop it, just stop it.
26. Michelle Keegan – pointless soap star
27. Lana Del Rey – Mmmm, not sure if I am honest
28. Katrina Bowden – looks plain
29. Taylor Momsen – Not nice
30. Scarlett Johansson – very lovely indeed, again talent should have her higher
31. Angelina Jolie – Why?
32. Kate Middleton – attractive, yet ever so slightly unavailable…
33. Miley Cyrus – again, stop it.
34. Mellisa Clarke – Nuts vote
35. Paris Hilton – very strange
36. Karen Gillan – Thank you! About time we had someone funny and attractive
37. Emma Stone – I can see this
38. Beyonce – Is this the first non Aryan excepting Mila Kunis?
39. Naya Rivera - Now we are going Puerto Rican to make up for it?
40. Olivia Munn – attractive and cheeks
41. Jessica Alba – don’t see it
42. Fearne Cotton – THIS IS THE BEST LIST EVER YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND AND I HAVE ALL YOUR ALBUMS
43. Nicole Scherzinger – Orange at a new level
44. Dianna Agron – the most attractive glee on the list?
45. Adriana Lima – Brazil, Lingerie and smiles – what isn’t to like?
46. Bar Refaeli – Attractive Jewish lady
47. Helen Flanagan – another pointless soap star, at least she isn’t too orange – but attractive? No.
48. Caroline Flack – don’t understand this at all. She isn’t that pretty.
49. Jade Thirlwall “the new Cheryl cole” god help us
50. Jessica Michibata – Big in Japan, it’s the cheeks again!

 

[Tisiphone]

Okay, looking at the pix of some of these women....WHAT THE FUCK

Um, Cher Lloyd??

Please, if this is what men really find sexy in a woman, I'm going to move to a cave.

 

[Gagh]

That fucking dumb droob should never be at number 1. I hope somebody shoves Dappy up her snatch.

 

[Gagh]

I read through that list fully now. I haven't heard of a lot of them, and the ordering is fucking bullshit. How is FHM even still in circulation? I guess there will always be a market for legal softcore porn.

Helen Skelton is so fucking adorable. She's got a wonky little grin that makes the cute factor soar through the roof. Poor Kelly Brook isn't ageing at all well either.

 

[CaptainWacky]

22. Berenice Marlohe – finally, an interesting, attractive and talented woman

I looked her up and yeah, looks good. Must have had her place bought on the list to promote the next Bond movie?

 

[whisky]

The list seems so topical that the top 100 of the year seems complied of whoever was in the news/charts the week the mag was being written.

Maybe next year instead of padding the list with nobodies and has beens, they just make it a top 40 and just have quality birds in.

Yeah, I said birds.

 

[SAUSAGEMAN]

Please don't.

 

[FBI parte due]

"FHM's 100 famous women in randomly-determined order 2012"

 

[Fuddlemiff]

I'm baffled that FHM still exists too. Same for Nuts. They were popular when I was still in high school, but surely kids just use the internet for porn now. And anyone older either does the same, or has a lady friend.

 

[whisky]

If people weren't still buying them, they wouldn't be able to afford to print them.

I reckon is mostly barbers, they tended to have FHM's at my last hairdresser, before he closed, and I started using clippers.

 

[Cassie]

I don't remember another FHM list where I knew so few of the people on it.