SOME YEARS AGO
Wee Jimmy liked to climb. He wasn't supposed to be on the grounds of Saint Andrew's University, of course. He didn't care. It was a great place to climb. There was an old tower nobody used. He decided to climb up there.
He had heard that Prince William was attending the university and was dating a woman named Kate he'd met there. Wee Jimmy didn't care about them. He didn't even know what they looked like. He just wanted to climb.
He made his way up the tower. It was easy. He was pleased with himself. He went higher than ever before. There was no one around to see him anywaay. Or was there? He heard a noise. A sound of flesh on flesh, slapping together. Grunting, moaning. Where were these noises? He climbed round to see. He found a window. The foothold wasn't good, but he held himself up anyway. He stared in shock at what he saw.
Two men were wrestling, naked. One, the older of the two, was on top of the other, riding him almost like a horse. But he had his willy up the other's bottom. Wee Jimmy was shocked. What were they doing? They looked a bit alike. The one on the bottom was ginger, though. They could almost have been brothers, Wee Jimmy thought. Maybe brothers with different fathers, half brothers? He didn't know. Suddenly they both spotted him. The younger gasped.
"Wills, stop!" he said. "He's seen us!"
"Shut up, Harry," said the one on top. He started to walk towards Wee Jimmy. We Jimmy panicked. He almost slipped. The one known as Wills grabbed him, stopping him from falling to his death. We Jimmy sighed in relief.
"What are you doing?" asked Harry. "He SAW US."
"Yes, yes," said Wills, annoyed. "What age are you, son?" he asked.
"Eight," said Wee Jimmy.
"Eight years old," said Wills, turning to Harry. "The things I do for love," he said with venom. He gave Wee Jimmy a shove. Wee Jimmy knew no more.