GAGH ANNOUNCES DIVORCE FROM EMILY FROM BAGPUSS

[CaptainWacky]

"IT IS WITH GREAT SADNESS AND SOME AROUSAL THAT I MUST DIVORCE EMILY FROM BAGPUSS," SAID GAGH IN A PRESS CONFERENCE ATTENDED ONLY BY THE SURVIVING CAST OF LAST OF THE SUMMER WINE, EXCEPT THE ONE THAT VOICES WALLACE IN WALLACE AND GROMIT AS HE WAS OUT GETTING LAID.

"IT JUST WASN'T WORKING BETWEEN US AS I'VE NEVER ACTUALLY MET HER AND ONLY MARRIED HER FOR ACCESS TO BAGPUSS. AND I HAVE HIM NOW!" AT THIS POINT GAGH PULLED OUT AN OBVIOUS FORGERY OF BAGPUSS AND START WAVINg IT AROUND.

"MIAOW, MIAOW, FUCKING MIAOW," HE SAID, GROWING INCREASINGLY DERANGED. "I'M OFF TO MARRY LENNY HENRY NOW TO GET FREE ROOMS AT PREMIER IN AND THEN FILL THE ROOMS WITH SOAP AND THEN GO TO THE FRONT DESK AND SAY 'HELP, MEL GIBSON'S IN MY ROOM AGAIN!' FLIBBLE, FLIBBLE, DREW CAREY, LO'DOWN, CANDY PANTS, OCH AYE JIMMY, EXCUSE ME I HAVE A BAP IN THE OVEN!"

GAGH THEN RAN AWAY INTO THE NIGHT RATHER THAN USING THE LAST OF THE SUMMER WINE BATHTUB TO ESCAPE AS HE HAD PLANNED.

MENTY WAS NOT AVAILABLE FOR COMMENT AS HE NEVER POSTS.

NEITHER WAS KATY PERRY BUT THAT'S BECAUSE SHE'S DEAD TURN ON CNN.

 

['Gear]

I would never turn on CNN.

 

[CaptainWacky]

GAGH DISCOVERS CACHED OF UNUSED GORDON THE GOPHER PUPPETS IN MINESHAFT NEAR HIS HOME, PLANNING NEXT MOVE?

 

[Cassie]

[YOUTUBE]oyRv4J5J8i8[/YOUTUBE]

NO GAGH, THAT'S NOT BAGPUSS

 

[CaptainWacky]

GAGH HAS FEET REPLACED WITH "LIVING FIRE" PLANS TO "KICK THE WORLD TO DEATH"?

 

[Dr Dave]

I've heard rumours that Gagh ate a block of BAD CHEESE to win a date with 55 BB Celebrity contestants, to be held in a phone booth.

Any truth to that?

 

[Gagh]

MIAOW, MUTHA FUCKAS!

 

[CaptainWacky]

RICHARD DAWKINS IS PROFESSOR YAFFLE.

 

[Gagh]

DAVID DUCHOVNY PLAYS SEBULBA BY LAYING ON HIS STOMACH, POKING HIS ARM IN THE AIR, DOING UNCONVINCING MOVEMENTS WITH HIS HAND AS IF IT WERE A MOUTH, AND A REALLY SHIT SEBULBA IMPRESSION.

 

[CaptainWacky]

RATTS TYERELL TO BE REPRESENTED BY A PILE OF MARSHMALLOWS WHICH THREEPIO CONFUSINGLY CLAIMS "ISN'T REALLY RATTS TYERELL" EVEN THOUGH NO ONE ASKS HIM THEN THE NEXT TIME YOU SEE THEM THEY'RE TOASTED MARSHMALLOWS AND JAR JAR EATS THEM AND SAYS "MMM, SPICY!"