Based on actual events (names have been withheld to protect the innocent):
Once upon a time in the lovely late autumn of last year, I met a nice man on the internet. He was funny and sweet. We talked. We flirted. We shared stories about our lives and our families, our jobs, our histories, our most memorable experiences. It was nice. We realized we were pretty well matched. He had helped me through a bad spot. I saw him as someone I could love and trust, which was a refreshing change, after the hurtful, selfish, and dishonest man that came before him. Things were going so well, we made plans to see each other at Christmastime.
When you embark on what will surely be a long-distance relationship, you must realize that there is a great deal of trust involved. Especially when you have nothing but the other person’s word on which to base your opinion of him. So I had taken this man at his word and developed feelings for him based on what he told me about his life. We would talk for hours. He seemed to have endless entertaining stories about his experiences as a former cop. I remember one particularly heart-wrenching one about having to put down his police dog. And many stories about busts he had made, and things he wished he’d never seen. It seemed to be a really big part of his life, and he said he really wanted to get back into law enforcement. I thought that was admirable. I mean, I don’t much like cops, but if that is what he wanted to do, then he should do it…. Right? He seemed like a good man, and I wanted to be a part of his life. All I insisted upon was honesty.
After many weeks of getting to know each other, talking dirty, exchanging pictures, and sharing secrets, he decided it was time to make a weighty revelation. He told me, through tears, that he had never been a cop. He explained that it was impossible for him to be a cop, with what they paid starting cops in his humble southern State. He explained it was something he’d always wanted to do, but just couldn’t. He went on to further explain that no one at his precious internet message board knew the truth. He had found the board whilst trolling someone from another BBS. He claimed that he was a cop so that he could win an argument, and the persona just stuck. And for the past 5 or so years, he has been known as an expert on all things law because of his professional experience as a cop. It defined him.
I felt bad for him that he needed to pretend to be someone else. Especially considering the friendships he had forged in that particular internet community. I was initially stunned. But then the severity of his lie sunk in. All of his stories – the unsolicited meat of hundreds of hours of conversation – were lies, borrowed from the life of his father, a retired officer. This man did, indeed, know the law. He had taken the trouble to study the codes, in the hopes of eventually securing a job in law enforcement. It was pretty much his dream. But he pawned it off as reality to anyone who would listen.
It occurred to me that I didn’t really know much about him, because he had not told me much about his real life, since he’d spent so much time telling me about his pretend life. It bothered me.
Then it finally sunk in: he was capable of lying to people he cared about for years. What other lies could he tell me? What other lies had he already told me? What was it about me that made him feel he needed to lie? Did I really want to get involved with another liar?
It set a very bad precedent, and especially for such a new relationship.
I asked him to back off a bit. Maybe the visit could be postponed. Maybe we should think about the practicality of our relationship. Maybe he really wasn’t the sort of person I wanted to be with, considering how easily and effectively he could lie.
He apologized. And I know he felt really badly about it. And I felt badly about it. But I could not change the fact that I had lost interest. Everything was turned on end, with that one revelation: Once a liar, always a liar.
Shortly after this, I began talking to another man. This new man made the mistake of asking a meddling gossip-hound for some advice, and it eventually got back to the not-cop that I had been speaking to someone else. The not-cop got angry. He implied I was a slut. He lashed out. And he told a bunch of his message-board buddies that I had two-timed him.
He conveniently left out the bit about his gigantic lie.
So I became the bad guy, and he became the hapless victim of another heartless bitch.
I guess you could look at it two ways:
1) What an excellent troll! I mean, 5+ years! Over which time he grew to be a major feature of that particular community, well-respected, even loved. And eventually he ended up actually owning the board. Wow!
2) What a sad man. To have to pretend to be someone else and find such comfort in pretending to be something to strangers that he couldn’t be in real life. Lying so effectively to so many, how could he live with himself? How could he call himself a friend?
Well, the happy ending is that I have found a great love in the new man. And the not-cop found a great love in a new woman. And he even finally got a job as a real, honest-to-goodness cop, now that his new nurse girlfriend was able to help cover living costs, and allow him the freedom of pursuing his dream.
I am happy for him. But I do not understand why he allows my name to be dragged through the mud. Why he insists on implying that I am a two-timing slut when he knows the facts do not support that implication. Why he allows me to bear the entire responsibility for what ended our budding relationship.
Can anyone guess who it is?
