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Headvoid comments on the Christmas TV adverts 2013

But... don't animals hibernate for a reason? So they don't die of starvation from a lack of food during winter?

All those animals will die. John Lewis killed them.
 
Not sure if it was supposed to, but it reminded me a lot of British 90's kids tv classic The Animals of Farthing Wood.

[video=youtube;GWcCYu8glNo]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWcCYu8glNo[/video]
 
Ok, First up is Morrisons.


Are you a little bit stupid? Do you find yourself in an ad agency with an immense amount of pressure and no ideas? Do you have stupid Clients? Well, what you need is ANT AND DEC!

They provide all the solutions to your needs, these cheeky chappies can just glide by those poorly written scripts and horrific "Be our guest" line with aplomb. They can also avoid the fact that someone from TREND WATCHING GLOBAL INCORPORATED has told every ad agency that Disney and animated magic shit is WELL IN this year due to everyone wanting to escape their shit lives working as a checkout person at FUCKIN MORRISONS.
[youtube]vTLjulVbbE4[/youtube]
 
I saw a presentation by Trend Watching global shit stuff recently. I nearly asked them if they had spotted a trend called "Monetizing Antique Rope" as I had just sat through 45 minutes of it
 
Before every show Ant and Dec mutually masturbate each other with tears streaming down their face, looking at the life-size pictures of the Chuckle Brothers they keep in their dressing room.

(this was a fact given in the Ant and Dec Christmas Annual 2004)
 
I like the fact they haven't given Heston Bloominnickers or some other idiot some money, but frankly you can be a bit more exciting than this...

[youtube]KfxpTEY7UuQ[/youtube]

more to follow
 
Ok, Tesco next. From one extreme to the other.

Can I be arsed to watch this instagram wank fest all the way through? Oh, look, we had bad hair in the 70's, that's a new thought. We toss a coin - why? In fact, we do it twice in the advert and then something with football happens. Who the fuck does that? Oh look, he is wearing glasses and his moustache has gone, that must mean time is passing and we are started to be crushed by the ongoing mundane ennui of life? Oh, no, it just means this family (which doesn't fuckin exist anywhere) is getting older. Look a teenager! - he looks awkward, that's funny. NO ITS NOT and in fact try and tell one joke well rather than 17 pathetic clues time is passing and that is funny. What is Tesco doing for me? They don't provide a football pitch for me to have this fake family event on are they? Are they providing anything to help or move the story along? No, it's an instagram wank fest, we have established that.

I know this agency, full of very clever people with extraordinary creative minds. The thing is they have been allowed TOO MUCH FUN. At least the Disney emotive ball of kitten fluff that is the John Lewis ad at least has a gift involved that is transformative in some way. In fact the gift would fuck me right off if I am a bear, but never mind that - this is ad agencies having fun!

[youtube]Kpj_H0sqS44[/youtube]
 
This is actually quite clever, if a little dull and probably missed by 95% of the viewers.

Co-Op is a convenience supermarket - with 1000's of little stores but a good offer - so they differentiate themselves by the walking and the idea you can pick up cream quickly. Well thought through, not given over to too much sentimentality and showing a benefit. It's just not that obvious on first viewing.

[youtube]26Q1vBFIgt0[/youtube]
 
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