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How Do You Recover?

Vox Populi

Vox Populi

Still in Mom's basement
So... what's the best way to recover after the end of a relationship?

It's been 10 days since I left and I'm a wreck. I haven't eaten, I can't sleep and I break out in tears at the most unexpected times. This morning, I blacked out while getting dressed for work and hit my head on the wall. I thank God that all I have to show for that is a soft bruise and a mild headache.

It's absolutely insane to love someone so deeply and so devastating to not be able to make it work.

Help me out. What's the secret? What's the best way to recover? I was the one who left. I shouldn't be feeling this way.

Serious and not so serious replies are welcome. Trust me, I could use a good laugh right now.
 
you probably blacked out because you have not eaten.

you can't make things work in a relationship, you have to LET them work.
 
Vox Populi said:
So... what's the best way to recover after the end of a relationship?

It's been 10 days since I left and I'm a wreck. I haven't eaten, I can't sleep and I break out in tears at the most unexpected times. This morning, I blacked out while getting dressed for work and hit my head on the wall. I thank God that all I have to show for that is a soft bruise and a mild headache.

It's absolutely insane to love someone so deeply and so devastating to not be able to make it work.

Help me out. What's the secret? What's the best way to recover? I was the one who left. I shouldn't be feeling this way.

Serious and not so serious replies are welcome. Trust me, I could use a good laugh right now.
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I've been married for thirty years. Sometimes we fight like animals, but we're the best of friends. You're either full of shit about loving that someone so deeply, or just enjoying the pain of the breakup, pick 'em.

If you loved your partner that much there's no way you couldn't "make it work". For my wife, I'd walk in front of a train, even while shouting "fuck you you're wrong".

On another note, go to a bar, and find someone cute to have sex with. Then you'll feel REALLY awful.
 
Cock said:
you probably blacked out because you have not eaten.

you can't make things work in a relationship, you have to LET them work.
Click to expand...

That's sort of correct. It's actually a give and take. Sometimes you have to make a compromise, and actually do things the way the other person "needs" to have them done to build that bridge of trust that then becomes intimacy.
 
jack said:
That's sort of correct. It's actually a give and take. Sometimes you have to make a compromise, and actually do things the way the other person "needs" to have them done to build that bridge of trust that then becomes intimacy.
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What needs to be added to this is that when you do make those compromises, and if you truly love the person, it's not really a compromise. Seeing your partner happy is its own just reward.
 
I'm the wrong one to ask.
I never recovered.
Just made sure he understood he'd die if he ever darkened my space again and my space is made up largely of the US of A and adjoining countries.

The only thing I know for certain about relationships is to be certain it isn't salvageable before you leave it. I tossed a bomb into the room behind me, just before I closed the door. Kaboom. Next.
 
We were only together for 4 years, but we were the best of friends at one point in time also. I so wish I could rewind the clock and go back to that time. We very rarely had any arguments - but that was before his ex-wife came back to town.

Thanks for the cyber-therapy. Somehow getting bits of advice from people I don't know and probably will never meet has been helpful.

Jack, your wife is very lucky to have you - stay away from trains!
 
eloisel said:
I'm the wrong one to ask.
I never recovered.
Just made sure he understood he'd die if he ever darkened my space again and my space is made up largely of the US of A and adjoining countries.

The only thing I know for certain about relationships is to be certain it isn't salvageable before you leave it. I tossed a bomb into the room behind me, just before I closed the door. Kaboom. Next.
Click to expand...

I wish I was that violin.
 
Vox Populi said:
We were only together for 4 years, but we were the best of friends at one point in time also. I so wish I could rewind the clock and go back to that time. We very rarely had any arguments - but that was before his ex-wife came back to town.

Thanks for the cyber-therapy. Somehow getting bits of advice from people I don't know and probably will never meet has been helpful.

Jack, your wife is very lucky to have you - stay away from trains!
Click to expand...

Ah, the ex-wife, always a recipe for disaster. When I got married, I had broken off a pretty intense seven year relationship with my high school sweetheart. She re-appeared at various times in my life (always "innocently", I never re-hooked up) but it made intense waves of discord in our marriage whenever I talked to her. I finally cut off all communication with her about 8 years ago.

Jealousy is a funny critter, what you fear most you often manifest in the process.

So, do you love him? Is half of you "gone"? (or more perhaps?) Remember, feeling pain is ok... real emotion is necessary to process growth in your life. Through the doorway of your most intense pain is your best freedom and pleasure.

You never said what your dominant motive was for the split, only that you loved him, and now were sick since the breakup. What was the trigger?
 
Vox Populi said:
So... what's the best way to recover after the end of a relationship?

It's been 10 days since I left and I'm a wreck. I haven't eaten, I can't sleep and I break out in tears at the most unexpected times. This morning, I blacked out while getting dressed for work and hit my head on the wall. I thank God that all I have to show for that is a soft bruise and a mild headache.

It's absolutely insane to love someone so deeply and so devastating to not be able to make it work.

Help me out. What's the secret? What's the best way to recover? I was the one who left. I shouldn't be feeling this way.

Serious and not so serious replies are welcome. Trust me, I could use a good laugh right now.
Click to expand...


jack_daniels.jpg
 
jack said:
Ah, the ex-wife, always a recipe for disaster. When I got married, I had broken off a pretty intense seven year relationship with my high school sweetheart. She re-appeared at various times in my life (always "innocently", I never re-hooked up) but it made intense waves of discord in our marriage whenever I talked to her. I finally cut off all communication with her about 8 years ago.

Jealousy is a funny critter, what you fear most you often manifest in the process.

So, do you love him? Is half of you "gone"? (or more perhaps?) Remember, feeling pain is ok... real emotion is necessary to process growth in your life. Through the doorway of your most intense pain is your best freedom and pleasure.

You never said what your dominant motive was for the split, only that you loved him, and now were sick since the breakup. What was the trigger?
Click to expand...

Well, the ex-wife was not necessarily the recipe for disaster, but she was a main ingredient. In my situation, communication with the ex-wife could not be cut because they have children together.

He hooked up with her while we were together and I later found out that they were conspiring to hook up shortly after I'd moved in with him and his children. But all of that is water under the bridge. I could've left then, but I didn't. I loved him and was in love with him. I wanted to try to start over. I told him that I had forgiven him. But, for various reasons, I think I stopped behaving like I had forgiven him.

You're right about jealousy; it is a funny critter. I became intensely jealous of the ex-wife and his benevolence towards her. My jealousy was definitely an ingredient in the recipe for disaster.

Yes, I do love him. I've never met anyone like him and if you asked me for it, I could quickly rattle off a long list of reasons why I love him. I am physically gone, but I still love him.

It's a super long story, but the trigger was his ex-wife's established pattern of talking to me as if I were a piece of trash. If you only knew… I am mother teresa compared to her and she had no reason for treating me in that manner. He never did anything about it (like tell her to show me some respect) and he didn't want me to confront her and express my feelings to her. He and I have argued about this time after time with no resolution and I know another argument would not have gotten him to see things my way. I thought it would be better to leave than to stay and continue being disrespected by his ex-wife for the rest of my life.

With all that being said, we had an awesome relationship at one point in time and I still don't understand how such a good relationship went so wrong.
 
Sigh.

I know what you mean. I've just parted ways with a formerly dear friend. The reason is far more stupid than is to be believed. It hurts, and he's the one that walked away.

I've been told it gets easier, Vox. Hang in there. :(
 
I am mother teresa compared to her and she had no reason for treating me in that manner. He never did anything about it (like tell her to show me some respect)
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In my most humble opinion, here's the heart of it. Had he spoken up for you (even once) you'd have a leg to stand on. I really feel your pain. But you know, it's for the best. Your true love will always stand by you. No matter your feelings, it just isn't him. It's so worth waiting for the One True Love.

Divorces are still marriages, in nearly every sense of the word. Your ex is teaching you that.
 
Yet, years later you still talk about her and refer to her. My feeling is love and hate is the same emotion with a different "charge".

I'm not saying you're wrong and I'm right either, I'm just pointing out that you mention your ex a lot.
 
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