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How many of you were aware that CaptainWacky isn't ACTUALLY a Captain?

And I'm pretty certain I'm actually a Saint, insofar as the man in the funny hat who was hitting me with the stick was to be believed.
 
He's as much as Captain as Picard was!

That's true; Picard wasn't really the Captain, he was just a guy that got tired of being a 60 year old busboy. Riker was really the Captain the whole time, but by the time he boarded the Enterprise, the busboy had been running the show and everybody would've been way too embarrassed that they were taken in to not just go with it.
 
Riker couldn't even beat his old man up with a Cotton Bud (Q-Tip).

Speaking of Q-Tips, I just realised if you spell it Q'Tip, you'll have a very strange name for a Klingon.
 
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