Troll Kingdom

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I feel akward

I don't want total control of anything. Especially reality! In fact I want to go deeper and deeper into pretend world/mode.
 
I am only good for PowerPoint client services, otherwise I am an inert mass.

Relatable.
And
There are no feelings.
Just a blank stare at the wall in front of me.
Any thought that does come to my head
I wish it would just leave
just leave me alone for a day
let me be a zombie
 
Man. In a funk. Doesn't help that today has been various degrees of cold, grey, howling wind, and pouring rain, but on top of that the weekends--my time--go by in a flash and then I have to slog through another week to get to a fleeting weekend while every week that goes by I get older and my old dog gets older. My old cat also gets older but it isn't as noticeable with her. Pushing hard on 50 and really starting to see aging the past few years. You can ignore things like your forehead getting taller and wrinkles, but you can't ignore having to put on glasses to read small print or having a hard time hearing high end sounds. Add to that that both my parents died at 79 and it isn't that upbeat. I'm beyond "middle-aged." I suspect I'll be able to retire in 15 years or so, but that's less thrilling, knowing that I get 15 years after that. :/ Oh, and I've got that damned "100 Years" by 5 for Fighting stuck in my head.
 
Amusingly enough, less than 24 hours after making my last post, my back went out while putting the leash on my dog. I'm in shape and not overweight--I even bent at the knees instead of bending over and still--"YOIK!" Back spasms that lasted well into Monday--like roll out of bed and try not to cry if I start to cough. The final insult was having to put on reading glasses to see the ibuprofen dosage.

Actually, I'd been wearing some boots with pretty spongy soles. They're lighter and comfier than most of my boots. But comfy costs in back support. Switched to combat boots today and it was a big improvement.
 
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