If Tarrentino had made star wars

[whisky]

The first half hour would be just Luke talking to Owen about blue milk, then a two second scene of Jawas burning, then another half hour of Han talking to Greedo, at the end of which they both shoot each other dead, and a stray bolt kills Chewie too.

Then another half hour continuous scene of Liea talking to the interogration droid about periods, at the end of which she would start to have one, ruining that white dress, followed by four frames of Alderan blowing up.

The last half hour would be General Doddona breifing the rebel pilots about the attack on the death star, where Biggs would be played by Samuel L Jackson, then it would just cut to a card saying "The plan worked" and the closing credits would roll over the music to car wash.

 

[headvoid]

I suspect that if Tarantino is very fond of Deus ex Machina as performed by the "little guy" or janitor type character.

For me, the death star plan would have worked, but someone in engineering (who had been having a doomed gay, S&M affair with a Stormtrooper) had fallen asleep, dropped a spanner into the death ray thing and it blew itself up on detonation.

But a great premise!

 

[whisky]

That actually works even for the original, since it was in the process of firing when it exploded, supposedly due to Luke's torpedo.

 

[curiousa2z]

I can see it in my mind's eye....

 

[whisky]

Mind out you dont get a splinter in it.

 

[Cassie]

Luke's torpedo!

 

[CaptainWacky]

WATTO WOULD SAY "cupcakeER" A LOT LOL.

 

[whisky]

Jar Jar Binks would carry a gun and accidentally shoot people to death all the time, which would then have to be cleaned up by Harvey Keitel, who would have four arms for no good reason.

 

[NeonMercuryASH]

I can see it going down. Han Solo talking with Leia after they escape from the garbage pit. " We wouldn't want 'em to think we had cooties," said Leia. Except it would have had to have Lawrence Fishburne in it.

 

[eloisel]

You forgot the part where Lucy Liu minced across the top of a table at lightning speed and sliced the head off of someone who said something with which she did not agree. Or the part where she minced across snow covered ground and lost the top of her head. There must also be blood spurting ridiculously at the conclusion of violent moments. Don't forget the part where Daryl Hannah loses an eye.

Okay - rewrite Kill Bill as Star Wars.

 

[NeonMercuryASH]

That's what I mean.

 

[Fuddlemiff]

"Use the motherfucking force, BITCH" would become quoted by everyone who wanted to demonstrate to others that they'd seen the movie and were therefore cool.

 

[whisky]

Death star, when you absolutely, posatively, got to kill every mother fucker on the planet.

 

[headvoid]

Han Solo would be an alcoholic, escapee from the Unification church.