What's new
Troll Kingdom

This is a sample guest message. Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

I'm sweet enough thank you!

My Dad says that and a myriad of other old fashioned phrases that sound like they've been skimmed off of Dick van Dyke dialogue from Disney movies.
 
The quickest way to get people to stop telling you "you're so sweet," is to reply "You think THAT's sweet you should try my penis."

Works every time.
 
My mum has a few sayings that are probably either northern exclusives, or exclusive to hull.

For example, if you have sisscors that are blunt she says "you could ride bare arsed to london on these"
 
My Mum used to say "Do you think I came up the Clyde on a banana boat?" until I pointed out to her it might be just a teeny eeny bit racist.
 
My mom used to say "40 whacks with a wet noodle." I always thought to myself "well that makes no sense. that wouldn't hurt at all"
 
If you ask where someone is, you might get this reply: He went to pee, and the hogs ate him.
 
My dad likes to say "Well, I'll be a ding dong's daddy," or "slap me silly and call me willy."

And no, he isn't being dirty.
 
Speaking of sweet...My mom has started reading aloud the cute sayings on the Splenda packets and it reminds me of that SNL skit where Farley's character was reading the Zagat's restaurant guide aloud to Sandler's character.
 
"FUCK MY BOOTS!!" is one of my Dad's favourites when he has a near miss while driving. If there's some clever double meaning there, I'm not getting it.
 
On my grandmother's deathbed, she was doped up and delirious and began to mumble some stuff so my mother tried to rearrange her legs to make her more comfortable. She kept asking "are you hot, mom?" "Can I move your legs mom?" and abruptly out of her delirium my grandmother yelled, "NO, goddammit, I said get me some water, I'm dryer than a popcorn fart!"

It was comforting to know there was still some of her in there...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top