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Irony

FORGET TO MAKE YOUR HEART PUMP BLOOD THROUGHOUT YOUR BODY.
 
Other things I hate:

People talking to me in public
bad cheese
Things that are too expensive for me to buy.
 
BIGTIME
 
ASK A SHARK TO SHOOT YOU.
 
Life was should not to be lived by the living.

That is all.
 
DEATH BY DONUTS
 
GET INTO A "WHO CAN LIVE LONGEST" CONTEST AND LOSE.
 
Time travel to the Old West, and play poker against Jesse James, and cheat.
 
Overdose on tea.*


*This may take some time.
 
Play Patty Cake with a Snake.
 
Jump into a bear cage.
 
!

Jump into a tar pit.
 
Appear in a 1970's Batman episode and drown in a vat of TOXIC WASTE but kill Batman first obviously so he doesn't rescue you.
 
Play chicken with a wood chipper and lose.
 
FFS, read the original parameters! Painless, reliable, pretty corpse. Oh, and there should be music. For example, a hockey rink, crushed by an out of control Zamboni, while We Will Rock You is played over the sound system has certain appeal but it meets none of the criteria.

There is some temptation to make it look like an accident or to be incredibly dramatic but I don't want to end up getting a Darwin Award.

So painless, reliable, pretty corpse, does not win me a Darwin Award.
 
Tractor roll over.
 
Dutch Oven.

Death by Assfartsyation.
 
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