CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
"HEY, KIDS, HAPPY EASTER!" said Johnny, jumping out of the bushes in front of two children who were about to eat easter eggs.
"Who are you?" one asked.
"HEY KIDS, DO YOU BELIEVE IN THE EASTER BUNNY?" asked Johnny.
"No," said the kids.
"DO YOU BELIEVE IN JESUS?"
"Maybe," said one. The other shrugged. "Why are you shouting at us, mister?"
"WRONG ANSWER!" said Johnny. He easily grabbed an egg from one. He tried to grab the other, but the kid held on tight.
"MUMMY!" he shouted.
"FUCK YOU!" said Johnny, and he ran away with his one stolen egg. That made eight. Four stolen from shops, four stolen from children. Not bad. He put it with the others in his house, under the bridge. He had been homeless for some months now. He sat alone, looking at his eggs. He wondered if he'd remember to eat them before they melted.
"Have to go out and look at some girl bums," said Johnny, to no one, trying to stay sane. Trying to keep thinking, anyway. He left his cardboard home.
He went to the park. Sometimes there were girls there and he could look at them. Maybe one would talk to him some day. It wasn't so unbelievable, was it?
He saw some more kids, this time doing an easter egg hunt. It would be harder to steal from them, their parents were watching. He finally found one unsupervised boy, sitting on a bench. He was reading a wrestling magazine. Johnny stone beside him.
"So, you like wrestling, eh?" Johnny asked.
"Yeah," said the boy, not even looking up.
"Not eating egg hunting like the others, eh?" asked Johnny.
"Why are you talking to me, man?" asked the boy.
"I couldn't believe who you were when the bartender told me your name," said Johnny.
"What?" asked the boy.
"NOTHING," said Johnny. "So, you're a LONER, eh?"
"I suppose I am," said the boy.
"A loner who likes WRESTLING, eh?" asked Johnny. "What do you think about CHRIS BENOIT, eh? Killed his wife and son, but still a great wrestler!"
"I don't know who that is," said the boy. "I've only been watching for a year.
"You're a loser!" said Johnny. "You remind me of a young me! No eggs, no wrestling knowledge! But don't worry, I'm here to help! You can come back to my house and eat eggs with me!"
The boy looked up at Johnny. "Are you a paedo?" he asked.
"YES!" said Johnny. He wasn't.
"I don't believe you," said the boy, going back to his magazine.
"Hey, watch this!" said Johnny. "There's some eggs hidden over there for the easter egg hunt..."
Johnny ran over and stomped the eggs into nothing.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" said Johnny, running back to the bench.
"Why did you do that?" asked the boy.
"To ruin some fucking kid's easter!" said Johnny.
"You're really sad," said the boy.
"YOU'RE REALLY UGLY!" said Johnny. "I'D NEVER MOLEST THE SHIT OUT OF YOU! EWW!"
The boy just kept reading his magazine. Johnny clenched his fists, like he was going to hit the child...then he turned and ran away instead. He wan all the way back to his home under the bridge.
He found that his easter eggs had been stolen.
The end.
"Who are you?" one asked.
"HEY KIDS, DO YOU BELIEVE IN THE EASTER BUNNY?" asked Johnny.
"No," said the kids.
"DO YOU BELIEVE IN JESUS?"
"Maybe," said one. The other shrugged. "Why are you shouting at us, mister?"
"WRONG ANSWER!" said Johnny. He easily grabbed an egg from one. He tried to grab the other, but the kid held on tight.
"MUMMY!" he shouted.
"FUCK YOU!" said Johnny, and he ran away with his one stolen egg. That made eight. Four stolen from shops, four stolen from children. Not bad. He put it with the others in his house, under the bridge. He had been homeless for some months now. He sat alone, looking at his eggs. He wondered if he'd remember to eat them before they melted.
"Have to go out and look at some girl bums," said Johnny, to no one, trying to stay sane. Trying to keep thinking, anyway. He left his cardboard home.
He went to the park. Sometimes there were girls there and he could look at them. Maybe one would talk to him some day. It wasn't so unbelievable, was it?
He saw some more kids, this time doing an easter egg hunt. It would be harder to steal from them, their parents were watching. He finally found one unsupervised boy, sitting on a bench. He was reading a wrestling magazine. Johnny stone beside him.
"So, you like wrestling, eh?" Johnny asked.
"Yeah," said the boy, not even looking up.
"Not eating egg hunting like the others, eh?" asked Johnny.
"Why are you talking to me, man?" asked the boy.
"I couldn't believe who you were when the bartender told me your name," said Johnny.
"What?" asked the boy.
"NOTHING," said Johnny. "So, you're a LONER, eh?"
"I suppose I am," said the boy.
"A loner who likes WRESTLING, eh?" asked Johnny. "What do you think about CHRIS BENOIT, eh? Killed his wife and son, but still a great wrestler!"
"I don't know who that is," said the boy. "I've only been watching for a year.
"You're a loser!" said Johnny. "You remind me of a young me! No eggs, no wrestling knowledge! But don't worry, I'm here to help! You can come back to my house and eat eggs with me!"
The boy looked up at Johnny. "Are you a paedo?" he asked.
"YES!" said Johnny. He wasn't.
"I don't believe you," said the boy, going back to his magazine.
"Hey, watch this!" said Johnny. "There's some eggs hidden over there for the easter egg hunt..."
Johnny ran over and stomped the eggs into nothing.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" said Johnny, running back to the bench.
"Why did you do that?" asked the boy.
"To ruin some fucking kid's easter!" said Johnny.
"You're really sad," said the boy.
"YOU'RE REALLY UGLY!" said Johnny. "I'D NEVER MOLEST THE SHIT OUT OF YOU! EWW!"
The boy just kept reading his magazine. Johnny clenched his fists, like he was going to hit the child...then he turned and ran away instead. He wan all the way back to his home under the bridge.
He found that his easter eggs had been stolen.
The end.
