Johnny gets on a bus.
"I don't want to pay, can you let me ride for free?" he says to the driver.
"No," says the driver.
"Haha, good on you, sticking to your guns!" says Johnny, paying up and taking his ticket. There are plenty of empty seats, but he goes and sits down beside a blond girl with glasses reading a book.
"Hello there!" says Johnny.
"Uhh, hi," she says, looking up for the briefest of moments, then going back to her book, as if doing so will make the strange man go away.
"What you reading there? Hitler's book?" he asks.
"No...it's Children of Dune," she says.
"Oh, Dune had children, great! Never knew he had it in him. HAHA! No, I've never read Dune. Or Hitler's book. Or anything. I have no eyes."
"That's nice," she says, not looking up.
"No eyes, but plenty of penises, I can assure you! Well, one penis. But I've never had any complaints! Well, that's not strictly true. I've had complaints. Boy, have I had complaints! But usually just about my general behaviour. Not about my penis. Well...apart from that time I..."
"Can I get up?" she asks.
"Oh, right," says Johnny. "I suppose your FUCKING STOP is coming up, right?"
She nods and het lets her pass. But she simply goes to another seat further down the bus and sits back down. Johnny gets up and sits down beside her.
"CAN'T HELP BUT NOTICE that you're trying to avoid me!" he says.
"Look...leave me alone, okay?" she says. "The driver can hear you and I think he's going to kick you off."
"I'll whisper then," says Johnny. "Thanks for your concern, by the way, that's nice of you. Yeah, anyway, I'm not going to rape you..."
"WHAT?"
"I said I'm NOT going to rape you! No need to act shocked by that! I imagine it's pretty common, men not raping you. Not that you're unattractive! If I was straight, I'd be doing some heavy duty flirting right now! But no, I'm gay. Gay as a hat. Well, I say I'm gay, but actually what I am is the opposite of straight. You see, I used to like girls. REALLY like girls. A lot. More than Richard Madely likes Judy. THAT much. I used to wank over them all the time for, like, oooh, eight years? Yeah, eight solid years of wanking. But, you know, I didn't actually know too many REAL girls. I just had girls in my mind. And porn. But I don't like porn. It's tacky, don't you find? I prefer, like, natural girls. Being natural. Not just lying about naked trying to look sexy. Because girls don't do that, do they? Unless they're in porn. Or having girls having sex with guys with big dicks...that never happens either. Well, it does, but it doesn't get FILMED unless it's porn. So it's not real. Nothing's real, actually, I realised that later, all we have are our peceptions of reality, created inside our heads by our limited minds based on input by our limited senses...but I digress. GIRLS. I was obsessed. Fixatated. I made them in my mind. Since, as mentioned, I didn't make any. I think I burned myself out on girls. I started over-analysing them. Instead of just trust my natural instinct and finding, say, a pair of FAT TITS sexy, I started questioning WHY a pair of fat tits was sexy. Got obsessed on the details. Couldn't see the forest from the trees...actually, that was more about the, umm, lady garden area...never mind. Look, I tried like making perfect sexy girls in my head and I couldn't do it. I obsessed and obsessed, thought and thoughts, thought too much! I lost my sexuality, I argued it all away. All I could see were the details. The fleshy pink details. I kept trying though. I had nothing else to do! Until, eventually, I became disgusted by girls. Nude girls. Disgusted by their nude bodies, their lady gardens, their fat tits...especially the tits. Hated them! Just big bags of fat on the chest...eww! So, since I wad disgusted by tits, I began to covet the ABSENCE of tits. And what doesn't have tits? That's right, men! Men don't have tits! I started looking at sexy, flat, male chests...and liking them. I started liking penises too. Kind of. A bit. It was never the same...but at least they weren't girls. And it was different, you know? A thrill. I'm a thrillseeker at heart. I had fun, wanking over men. Even orgasmed again! But, I'm starting to go off them too. It's the same cycle repeating itself all over. So I might end up liking girls again soon. I still wouldn't rape you though, even if I did find you sexy. I would never do that."
"Wow. That was, umm, a lot of words. Almost made sense...a bit. But this really is my stop now. Bye."
"Yeah, bye. Maybe we'll run into each other again on this bus! Not that I'd normally get tis bus...I don't even know where it's going. God, I'm so far from home. Don't know how to get back...I've been riding random buses all day. But bye! Think about what I said and give me a call!"
"Err, right." And she's gone.
"Damn, forgot to give her my number!"
