CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Johnny and Lisa were lying naked in her bed, having just made love.
"Wow," said Lisa.
"I practiced a lot by myself," said Johnny. She laughed. This was actually true though. Ever since he and Lisa had begun dating, in fact, going back to when he'd just been stalking her, Johnny begun training himself to be absolutely best prepared to make amazing love to her. He had done a lot of masturbation, working on his endurance, watching a lot of high quality pornography and studied up on the female anatomy. He'd even went to a hook for a dry run, but she'd kicked him out half way through when he started shouting "I WANT TO PEE IN YOU, HAHAHA!" He had not done that with Lisa.
"Well it payed off!" she said.
"Did you play games when you were a child?" he asked.
"Umm, what?" She still hadn't gotten used to Johnny's sudden changing of subjects.
"Sorry, I always think about childhood after sex," said Johnny. "Did you, like, play hide and seek and shit?"
"Yeah, sometimes," she said.
"I didn't," he said.
"Never?"
"Well, at first. But hide and seek...what's the fucking point of that? You know what I used to do when I was supposed to be hiding? I'd just go up to my bedroom and play video games. Even though going into your house was out of bounds."
"You cheated."
"I didn't play by the rules even then, babe!" said Johnny, worringly seriously. He quickly turned it into a joke with his expression and Lisa laughed. "No, I wasn't trying to cheat...I just didn't see the point. Didn't want to hide so I played video games. I did the same when I was supposed to be the seeker too. One time I was up there for an hour, then all the kids who had been hiding came up. They were all angry, wanted to know what I was thinking. You know what I said to them?"
"What?"
"Found you!" She laughed again.
"You are crazy, you know that?"
"I have a certificate and everything." He did.
"So...we should cuddle."
"Yeah...I'm going to get some gum first."
"What?"
"Some people smoke after sex. I chew gum." She seemed to find this a bit odd. Had he finally messed up big time? Was she about to find him out? "I'll be right back," he said.
"Okay, hurry," she said. He left.
He should have stayed, but he couldn't. The pressure was getting too much for him, the pressure to be normal, to act like the kind of person who has sex. He started making clucking noises as soon as he got outside.
"That's better," he said. Then he saw her. Wheelchair Girl. She had been in group home with him. She knew his secret, knew the real Johnny.
"Hi Johnny," she said, calmly. Had she been waiting for him?
"Hi bitch," he said. "Aww, you got a shiny new wheelchair, how FUCKDAMN nice!"
"I see you haven't changed," said Wheelchair Girl. He couldn't remember her real name. He'd never learned it. She had always been Wheelchair Girl to him. Or sometimes Wheelchair Bitch.
"You'd be surprised," he said. "I see YOU haven't changed. STILL CAN'T WALK!"
"You're a child, Johnny Nose," she said.
"Yeah? Well at least children can walk. Unlike babies! HAHA! HO! Remember that time I pushed you down a fucking hill?"
"Yes."
"Good times. I hate you."
"You hate yourself," she observed, rightly.
"No, I hate you," he lied. "You're not even a real person."
"Oh?"
"No, never were. There's nothing to you. Can't even walk. And right now, you're just a figment. In my mind. Back to haunt me. Like Number Six in Baltar. That's right, I watch cool tv shows now. I have changed."
"So I'm not real..."
"Nope! I could wheel you in front of a speeding car right now and you'd puff into nothingness!"
"Uh huh. Do it then." He actually thought about it.
"Don't feel like it," he said.
"I'm really here. And you're sick. I know about you. And about the girl."
"What, you've been stalking me, wheels?"
"Stalking you stalking her." Johnny felt overwhelmed with panic.
"You can't prove anything!"
"You'll hurt her. You hurt everyone."
"I'll hurt you if you don't leave me alone, bitchwheels!"
"I want you to dump her, Johnny. Or else I'll tell her about you. The REAL you."
"Fuck you! I'll tell the cops you can't walk! How's that! They're arrest you for wheeling without a license! NOW FUCK OFF, BIIIIATCH!" He got louder as he got more worried.
"I'll give you three days," she said.
"I'LL GIVE YOU A Y2J BEATING!" he said.
"Dump her, Johnny. If you care about her at all."
"Go wheel yourself to Hell. Now, if you'll excuse me, figment, I have a real person to cuddle."
He matched back upstairs, without looking back, trying not to think about Wheelchair Girl, telling himself it hadn't been real...he got straight into bed with Lisa and cuddled her.
"No gum?" she asked.
"It's stupid...chewing gum. For kids. I'm a real adult now, with a girlfriend and everything."
"You sure are," she purred.
"I love you," he said. And in his own way, he meant it.
"Wow," said Lisa.
"I practiced a lot by myself," said Johnny. She laughed. This was actually true though. Ever since he and Lisa had begun dating, in fact, going back to when he'd just been stalking her, Johnny begun training himself to be absolutely best prepared to make amazing love to her. He had done a lot of masturbation, working on his endurance, watching a lot of high quality pornography and studied up on the female anatomy. He'd even went to a hook for a dry run, but she'd kicked him out half way through when he started shouting "I WANT TO PEE IN YOU, HAHAHA!" He had not done that with Lisa.
"Well it payed off!" she said.
"Did you play games when you were a child?" he asked.
"Umm, what?" She still hadn't gotten used to Johnny's sudden changing of subjects.
"Sorry, I always think about childhood after sex," said Johnny. "Did you, like, play hide and seek and shit?"
"Yeah, sometimes," she said.
"I didn't," he said.
"Never?"
"Well, at first. But hide and seek...what's the fucking point of that? You know what I used to do when I was supposed to be hiding? I'd just go up to my bedroom and play video games. Even though going into your house was out of bounds."
"You cheated."
"I didn't play by the rules even then, babe!" said Johnny, worringly seriously. He quickly turned it into a joke with his expression and Lisa laughed. "No, I wasn't trying to cheat...I just didn't see the point. Didn't want to hide so I played video games. I did the same when I was supposed to be the seeker too. One time I was up there for an hour, then all the kids who had been hiding came up. They were all angry, wanted to know what I was thinking. You know what I said to them?"
"What?"
"Found you!" She laughed again.
"You are crazy, you know that?"
"I have a certificate and everything." He did.
"So...we should cuddle."
"Yeah...I'm going to get some gum first."
"What?"
"Some people smoke after sex. I chew gum." She seemed to find this a bit odd. Had he finally messed up big time? Was she about to find him out? "I'll be right back," he said.
"Okay, hurry," she said. He left.
He should have stayed, but he couldn't. The pressure was getting too much for him, the pressure to be normal, to act like the kind of person who has sex. He started making clucking noises as soon as he got outside.
"That's better," he said. Then he saw her. Wheelchair Girl. She had been in group home with him. She knew his secret, knew the real Johnny.
"Hi Johnny," she said, calmly. Had she been waiting for him?
"Hi bitch," he said. "Aww, you got a shiny new wheelchair, how FUCKDAMN nice!"
"I see you haven't changed," said Wheelchair Girl. He couldn't remember her real name. He'd never learned it. She had always been Wheelchair Girl to him. Or sometimes Wheelchair Bitch.
"You'd be surprised," he said. "I see YOU haven't changed. STILL CAN'T WALK!"
"You're a child, Johnny Nose," she said.
"Yeah? Well at least children can walk. Unlike babies! HAHA! HO! Remember that time I pushed you down a fucking hill?"
"Yes."
"Good times. I hate you."
"You hate yourself," she observed, rightly.
"No, I hate you," he lied. "You're not even a real person."
"Oh?"
"No, never were. There's nothing to you. Can't even walk. And right now, you're just a figment. In my mind. Back to haunt me. Like Number Six in Baltar. That's right, I watch cool tv shows now. I have changed."
"So I'm not real..."
"Nope! I could wheel you in front of a speeding car right now and you'd puff into nothingness!"
"Uh huh. Do it then." He actually thought about it.
"Don't feel like it," he said.
"I'm really here. And you're sick. I know about you. And about the girl."
"What, you've been stalking me, wheels?"
"Stalking you stalking her." Johnny felt overwhelmed with panic.
"You can't prove anything!"
"You'll hurt her. You hurt everyone."
"I'll hurt you if you don't leave me alone, bitchwheels!"
"I want you to dump her, Johnny. Or else I'll tell her about you. The REAL you."
"Fuck you! I'll tell the cops you can't walk! How's that! They're arrest you for wheeling without a license! NOW FUCK OFF, BIIIIATCH!" He got louder as he got more worried.
"I'll give you three days," she said.
"I'LL GIVE YOU A Y2J BEATING!" he said.
"Dump her, Johnny. If you care about her at all."
"Go wheel yourself to Hell. Now, if you'll excuse me, figment, I have a real person to cuddle."
He matched back upstairs, without looking back, trying not to think about Wheelchair Girl, telling himself it hadn't been real...he got straight into bed with Lisa and cuddled her.
"No gum?" she asked.
"It's stupid...chewing gum. For kids. I'm a real adult now, with a girlfriend and everything."
"You sure are," she purred.
"I love you," he said. And in his own way, he meant it.
