CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
"ROLL UP, ROLL UP! GET YOUR BLOWJOBS HERE! ROLL UP...ACTUALLY, ROLL DOWN. ROLL YOUR PANTS DOWN! TROUSERS AND PANTS! FOR BLOWJOBS YOU WILL NEVER FORGET! IT'S JOHNNY NOSE'S FUCKING BLOWJOB SHOP AND IT'S OPEN FOR BUSINESS!" shouted Johnny Nose.
"Is your mother home?" asked the Jehovah's witness who had come to the door.
"SHE'S DEAD," shouted Johnny. "DIED OF AIDS. NOW DO YOU WANT A BLOWJOB OR DON'T YOU!"
"...just take these magazines...give them a read...you might find some answers in there," said the Jehovah and she and the other thrust some magazines into Johnny's hands and backed away.
"I want to blow a man!" said Johnny, punching the wall. "There must be a man around here I can blow!" He walked out onto the street. It was pretty empty.
"GUESS MOST MEN ARE AT WORK," said Johnny. "I wish I was a man," he added. Then he saw the 70 year old man who lived across the street heading out with his dog.
"Are you okay, son?" the old man asked Johnny.
"Just looking for someone to blow," said Johnny, casually. "Oooh, schoolboys! I wonder if they're legal!" The old man gave Johnny a funny look (though Johnny was so used to those looks he no longer considered them funny, just normal) and walked away. Two schoolboys were walking down the street.
"Do you want something?" one asked, laughing at Johnny.
"What age are you?" Johnny asked.
"Sixteen," he sad.
"Me too," said the other.
"Well...I think that's legal in this country, but I'm not taking any chances. GET AWAY FROM ME. I'M LOOKING FOR TRADE!"
"Hahaha, he's a freak so he is!" said one as they walked away. Johnny sat down on the pavement.
"Blow jobs," he mumbled. "I've got blowjobs to give. With my mouth. Just need a dick. JUST NEED A DICK TO SUCK ON."
About an hour later, another man walked down the street. He looked a bit shifty. Johnny liked him immediately.
"Is there a path leading out of this street? I'm just out for a walk," said the man.
"No," said Johnny, trying to look sexy. "No way out. Want a blow job?"
"What?" asked the man.
"I'm offering you a blow job in my blow job shop, free of charge because you're so fucking hot. What do you say?"
The man looked Johnny up and down. "Oh God yes," he said, excited." Johnny led him to his house. They went inside. Johnny shut the door.
"Take them down" said Johnny. "Take them all dooooooooooooown." The man slowly removed his trousers, then his pants. He was already fully erect. Johnny stared at his penis.
"This would be great," said Johnny. "But I just realised once thing."
"What?" asked the man.
"THAT I'M NOT GAY, YOU FUCKING HOMO, EWW, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WANT ME TO SUCK THAT THING, FUCK FUCK FUCK, GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT, BEFORE I CALL THE COPS ARE CUT IT OFF WITH A BIG KNIFE BECAUSE I'VE GOT A BIG KNIFE YOU KNOW, I KEEP IT UP MY ASSHOLE, THAT'S RIGHT, RIGHT UP THERE, BUT YOU AIN'T GETTING TO SNIFF IT LIKE YOU PROBABLY WANT TO YOU PERVERT, NO FUCKDAMN CHANCE OF THAT, I'LL CUT YA WITH IT, I'LL CUT YOU ALL UP, YOU'LL DIE, YOU'LL FUCKING DIE UNLESS YOU GET OUT, GET OUT NOW, GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT!!!"
"Okay, okay...you're crazy!" said the man, running out.
"YES THAT'S THE GENERAL IDEA," said Johnny, pulling his own trousers and pants down in a frenzy and beginning to mastrubate. "I'M WANKING OVER GIRLS, NOT YOU!" he said.
Johnny then punched himself in the face for ten minutes.
"Right," he said. "I think the right move now would be to open up a You Stick Your Hot Tits In My Face shop. GIRLS ONLY! WHAT DO YOU SAY, MUM? OH WAIT, SHE'S DEAD! HAHAHAHAHA!"
"I'm home from work!" came the voice of Johnny's mum. He pulled up his pants and trousers quickly. "Are you okay?" she asked, always concerned about her distrurbed son.
"YES," he said. "I ATE SOME JEHOVA'S."
"Is your mother home?" asked the Jehovah's witness who had come to the door.
"SHE'S DEAD," shouted Johnny. "DIED OF AIDS. NOW DO YOU WANT A BLOWJOB OR DON'T YOU!"
"...just take these magazines...give them a read...you might find some answers in there," said the Jehovah and she and the other thrust some magazines into Johnny's hands and backed away.
"I want to blow a man!" said Johnny, punching the wall. "There must be a man around here I can blow!" He walked out onto the street. It was pretty empty.
"GUESS MOST MEN ARE AT WORK," said Johnny. "I wish I was a man," he added. Then he saw the 70 year old man who lived across the street heading out with his dog.
"Are you okay, son?" the old man asked Johnny.
"Just looking for someone to blow," said Johnny, casually. "Oooh, schoolboys! I wonder if they're legal!" The old man gave Johnny a funny look (though Johnny was so used to those looks he no longer considered them funny, just normal) and walked away. Two schoolboys were walking down the street.
"Do you want something?" one asked, laughing at Johnny.
"What age are you?" Johnny asked.
"Sixteen," he sad.
"Me too," said the other.
"Well...I think that's legal in this country, but I'm not taking any chances. GET AWAY FROM ME. I'M LOOKING FOR TRADE!"
"Hahaha, he's a freak so he is!" said one as they walked away. Johnny sat down on the pavement.
"Blow jobs," he mumbled. "I've got blowjobs to give. With my mouth. Just need a dick. JUST NEED A DICK TO SUCK ON."
About an hour later, another man walked down the street. He looked a bit shifty. Johnny liked him immediately.
"Is there a path leading out of this street? I'm just out for a walk," said the man.
"No," said Johnny, trying to look sexy. "No way out. Want a blow job?"
"What?" asked the man.
"I'm offering you a blow job in my blow job shop, free of charge because you're so fucking hot. What do you say?"
The man looked Johnny up and down. "Oh God yes," he said, excited." Johnny led him to his house. They went inside. Johnny shut the door.
"Take them down" said Johnny. "Take them all dooooooooooooown." The man slowly removed his trousers, then his pants. He was already fully erect. Johnny stared at his penis.
"This would be great," said Johnny. "But I just realised once thing."
"What?" asked the man.
"THAT I'M NOT GAY, YOU FUCKING HOMO, EWW, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WANT ME TO SUCK THAT THING, FUCK FUCK FUCK, GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT, BEFORE I CALL THE COPS ARE CUT IT OFF WITH A BIG KNIFE BECAUSE I'VE GOT A BIG KNIFE YOU KNOW, I KEEP IT UP MY ASSHOLE, THAT'S RIGHT, RIGHT UP THERE, BUT YOU AIN'T GETTING TO SNIFF IT LIKE YOU PROBABLY WANT TO YOU PERVERT, NO FUCKDAMN CHANCE OF THAT, I'LL CUT YA WITH IT, I'LL CUT YOU ALL UP, YOU'LL DIE, YOU'LL FUCKING DIE UNLESS YOU GET OUT, GET OUT NOW, GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT!!!"
"Okay, okay...you're crazy!" said the man, running out.
"YES THAT'S THE GENERAL IDEA," said Johnny, pulling his own trousers and pants down in a frenzy and beginning to mastrubate. "I'M WANKING OVER GIRLS, NOT YOU!" he said.
Johnny then punched himself in the face for ten minutes.
"Right," he said. "I think the right move now would be to open up a You Stick Your Hot Tits In My Face shop. GIRLS ONLY! WHAT DO YOU SAY, MUM? OH WAIT, SHE'S DEAD! HAHAHAHAHA!"
"I'm home from work!" came the voice of Johnny's mum. He pulled up his pants and trousers quickly. "Are you okay?" she asked, always concerned about her distrurbed son.
"YES," he said. "I ATE SOME JEHOVA'S."