SaintLucifer
beer, I want beer
A Suicide Letter
The letter below was written shortly before the writer took an overdose of pills to kill herself. I have not changed incorrect spelling or punctuation. It is indicative of the state she was in and makes this note more valuable.
Why did he do this to me? He said he loved me and wanted to marry me. How could he spend so much time with her and not care how I feel. I can not handle this with classes and moms problem. The classes are getting to much for me to copy with. I wish I could just die, then I wouldn't be a problem to everyone.
Moms drinking is getting worse and I can not handle it. She is showing Bob & Patty that it is okay to drink a lot but also to drink and drive. I'm so confused all we do is fight. Whenever I'm in the house it is always fighting. I want out of all of it. Please make it all stop. Take the confusion away.
I'm all a lone, nobody cares whether I live or die. All I ever do is cause problems for everyone. How can I get him back. That bastard doesn't know how much he means to me and my life. I don't have a life without him.
Mom and Patty have left me. Can't they see how bad I am. Don't they care. Please God do something for me and make this my time to go. I can not make the grades like Bob and I'm so ugly nobody wants to care for me. I'm so stupid to think that he could've cared for me.
I can't make it through school, I cause my family problems and I can't keep a man in my life. I'm a failure in everything that is important to me. The only way out of this is to die.
How can I trust anyone? I want to say goodbye to mom, Patty & Bob. You are my family and mean more to me than my life. I'm sorry I have caused you so many problems and fights.
Mom I wish I could've been the person you and Dad wanted me to be. But I'm not smart, pretty, athletic, or skinny. I know that you and Dad never wanted me when I was born and I wish like hell that I never was born. I can't do anything right and all I do is cause the rest of the family to fight.
Why can't I have a talk with anyone. You're all so busy and here I sit. Please someone do something so I can't feel the hurt anymore. I hurt so bad, what can I do?
I'm trying to watch TV but I don't know what I'm watching. It's so lonely here. I want to sleep but it just won't come. I'm so tired of hurting and being a lone. I keep thinking about the pills in the cabinet but I'm scared. My head hurts so much from crying but if I take anything for it I'm scared I won't stop and I would want to stop.
Nobody cares why should I? I cause problems for everyone I care about so why should I stay. Why am I such a terrible person. Nothing I do is right. I don't understand.
I don't have any choice in the matter. To make everything better I have to die. I can't make it right by living. I'm so scared I want out but oh I don't know.
I wish he would call to say everything is all right. I've lost the most important thing in my life. I'm so very tired of being alone, and making everyone miserable.
I'm so fat, ugly and stupid, how can I expect me to be able to do anything right? I've failed at everything. There is nothing for me here. I don't want to go on. I didn't mean to hurt anyone. Please believe me. I love you all so very much, and I don't want to hurt you anymore.
I'm so cold, please do something. I can't stand this empty feeling that I'm having. My head is horrible. Stop the pounding it hurts so much. I have no control over anything in my life. I'm breaking into pieces.
Somebody do something.
The obvious hopelessness and pain reach out to us. It is reprinted here to give you a glimpse into the thoughts and feelings of any individual who has reached the end of hope.
I should say that I was a visual person. I experience with my eyes and never, or rarely, with my ears... to my constant regret.
BWAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
