Maybe the worst and most hilarious thing I've run on a telemarketer yet.

[The Question]

Her: (East Indian sounding) Hello ees (x) dere?"
Me: (Rooster Cogburn voice (Jeff Bridges version)): "Hyep! Hut kin Ah DO fer ya!"
Her: "I em cole-ing from Cod Membuh Services to uffuh you--"
Me: "Ah's hopin' yew'd call!"
Her: "Excuse me sir?"
Me: "How much fer the use of ya!"
Her: "Sir?"
Me: "Plain enough, way Ah see it, was a white man brought'cha hyer! You talk purteh good, Ah reckon he put down some coin on'na deal! Maybe he'd cotton to makin' some r'turn on'nat invest-ment! How much you reckon he'd charge me for the use of ya fer one night!"

 

[jack]

You know how they repeat everything you say after you say it?

I repeat it back to them.

We never get past that.

 

[Loktar]

LULZ

 

[Gagh]

My favourite is how my friend deals with it. She says "I'll just pass you over to the billpayer", and then hands the phone to her 2 year old daughter.

 

[jack]

LOL

 

[eloisel]

Her: (East Indian sounding) Hello ees (x) dere?"
Me: (Rooster Cogburn voice (Jeff Bridges version)): "Hyep! Hut kin Ah DO fer ya!"
Her: "I em cole-ing from Cod Membuh Services to uffuh you--"
Me: "Ah's hopin' yew'd call!"
Her: "Excuse me sir?"
Me: "How much fer the use of ya!"
Her: "Sir?"
Me: "Plain enough, way Ah see it, was a white man brought'cha hyer! You talk purteh good, Ah reckon he put down some coin on'na deal! Maybe he'd cotton to makin' some r'turn on'nat invest-ment! How much you reckon he'd charge me for the use of ya fer one night!"

It is a good thing she wasn't Mexican. There'd be all kinds of chest thumping and condemnation and fit having going on.

 

[Friday]

Nah. Telemarketers are pretty much universally considered the bottom of the food chain, no matter the nationality.

 

[eloisel]

I see. Would it be still be okay if she were a retard or a cripple?

 

[OnyxOverdrive]

you just can't let it go, can you?

 

[eloisel]

Friday: Yes, actually. Telemarketers trump both those categories, as well.

Ohhhh ... Friday negged me!

I'm surprised you didn't offend yourself with your own selective bigotry. You even want that poor girl to be without a job. Would you be willing to support her so she doesn't have to work as a telemarketer? Maybe she has kids - maybe even kids in one of your classes. You want her kids to go to sleep at night, hungry, without shelter, and only have more of that to look forward to the next day?

 

[eloisel]

you just can't let it go, can you?

No.

 

[Friday]

Ohhhh ... Friday negged me!

I'm surprised you didn't offend yourself with your own selective bigotry. You even want that poor girl to be without a job. Would you be willing to support her so she doesn't have to work as a telemarketer? Maybe she has kids - maybe even kids in one of your classes. You want her kids to go to sleep at night, hungry, without shelter, and only have more of that to look forward to the next day?

Or maybe she's supporting a drug habit. Really, hypothetical thinking gets us nowhere. There is no way to know the truth, save to actually talk to the young lady.

I was being facetious when I stated that telemarketers were the dregs of society. I recognize that it is an honest living, albeit a living which impedes on the sanctity I have worked hard for in my home. Uninvited guests are presumptuous, in my opinion.

Would I say that telemarketers aren't welcome in my home, on a professional basis? Yes, I would. Would I say that telemarketers shouldn't have access to the rights this country offers (if, in fact, s/he lives in this country) simply for being Telemarketers? No, I wouldn't. There lies the difference between you and I.

I negged you because I was trying to make a wry, humorous observation and you went for my jugular.

 

[The Question]

I see. Would it be still be okay if she were a retard or a cripple?

Shit, I dunno. Would it still be okay if she was a Martian or a robotic ninja, or a crack smoking unicorn hooker?

 

[Loktar]

Nah. Telemarketers are pretty much universally considered the bottom of the food chain, no matter the nationality.

Unless they're doing something noble like collecting overdue taxes or phone surveys for Verizon, right?


*whistles innocently, slinks away*

 

[jack]

I see. Would it be still be okay if she were a retard or a cripple?

Quote of the fucking week. This motherfucker should be the first thing anyone sees when they log in.

 

[The Question]

Unless they're doing something noble like collecting overdue taxes or phone surveys for Verizon, right?


*whistles innocently, slinks away*

There's nothing noble about taxation. Taxation is just theft that people accept because it comes at the hands of the same people who repair the roads. (Of course, those same people also rip up the roads when they don't need fixing...)

 

[Loktar]

There's nothing noble about taxation. Taxation is just theft that people accept because it comes at the hands of the same people who repair the roads. (Of course, those same people also rip up the roads when they don't need fixing...)

I know taxation ain't noble I was making a little joke since I did the taxation job about 4 years ago and the phone survey was my last job almost 2 years ago.