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Mine Field User Profiles

Tisiphone - The Minstry of Magic (yes it's a real thing...Rowling stole the name, the bitch) identified Tisiphone as a witch when she was just three years old and had just set fire to all the R2 D2 figures at her local toyshop because she thought they were going to attack her. Her parents were angry with her, but then they became more angry with the Ministry when they revealed that they had put the idea about R2 attacking her into her head to test her witching abilities. Yet after seeing young Tisi cheerfully turn some squirrel into giant, man-eating squirrel monsters in the garden, they agreed that it would probably be a good idea to suppress her magic abilities until she was 18 years old and mature enough to have them. And so, after a long battle with the squirrels, the ministry put a spell on her, making her forget how magical abilities...

...until she turned 18 and remember them. The first thing she did was to send an army of squirrels towards the ministry. Yet the death and destruction she had cause left her cold and cynical. She realised that the world was full of hatred and death and decided to use her skill to transform the world...into Narnia. And so, Narnia became a reality and it was always winter and never Christmas and Tisi ruled in her palace of ice. When four snooty children tried to stop her, she turned them to stone and drew comedy moustaches on their statue bodies. She ruled happily and laughed evily. That was, until the two talking beavers arrrived.

"YOU EVIL WITCH IN YOUR WHITE PALACE...YOU WHITE WITCH!" said the man beaver. That was when Tisi realised that she herself had become the villain of Narnia, the White Witch! She herself was evil and killing people (ten thousand talking badgers that day alone) and she felt horrible. After kicking the beavers in the face, she turned the children back to normal and changed the world back to the way it was. She swore to never use magic again, though she has used it a few times to make sex more pleasurable. But no evil will come of that, surely?

Tisiphone collects phones.
 
Tisi swiped my phone whilst I was on it!
 
She ate my phone and told me I'd never had one. :(
 
She's hooked on phonics!
 
Ring a ding ding.
 
Ishcabittle and SilentBTViolent - Twin brothers Ish and SBV were forced to take an IQ test 38 minutes after birth after they showed alarming signs of intelligence by juggling with their afterbirth. The not enitrely accurate test showed that they had an IQ of FOUR BILLION each and the doctors knew right away that they were either super geniuses or demon children. Or, even worse, both. What was clear was that they would be two much for one set of parents to handle so the twins were cruelly split up and one (okay, it was SBV...SBV, you're adopted, sorry to have to tell you) given to another set of parents.

Raised apart, both progressed like normal children, the demon genius seemingly gone. Perhaps it was depression caused by being split up? Either way, they did not meet again until both were twenty. In the meantime they both became singing COUNTRY MUSIC, YEEHAW!

Despite living on EXACT OPPOSITE SIDES OF THE COUNTRY they somehow both ended up going to the same circus at the EXACT CENTRE OF THE COUNTRY. They both hated circuses but their near identical dates (SBV's had metal feet, Ish's had metal hands, but otherwise they were the same) loved them. Upon meeting eaching other, SBV and Ish knew without saying a word that they were "soul mates, but not in a sexual way" which was lucky because it would have been incest. They ditched the girls with some clowns and, within 38 minutes (oooh, spooky) had come up with a plan to become the world's most successful country music duo.

After murdering every other country music duo in the world, they had achieved their goal. They also killed lots of clowns too, justifying the action by saying "well, their not really human anyway." The doctor who had first seperated them realised that it was only their close proximity to each other which made them evil and rushed to tell the president, but never quite made it (he wasn't murdered, he just never quite made it. Kept getting distracted by ferrets and stuff.) SBV and Ish finally settled down with interchangable identical swedish twins.

Ish likes tomato sauce but SBV doesn't. They both hate each other a little due to this difference.
 
Ferrets have a way of doing that.
 
A modern fairytale. But more good.
 
bumped cos it's over 12 hours old.
 
Could the president really have stopped them?
 
Who do I still have to do?
 
My chair is hard. My ass is also hard. Therefore, I sit upon an ASS PILLOW which sits upon my HARD ASS CHAIR which supports my HARD ASS ASS.

But I hungered.

Therefore, i ate my ASS PILLOW. It will now go straight to my HARD ASS ASS.
 
im not doing naymore fuk life
 
Captain Wacky:

The son of humble Lithiumionian immigrants, Wackston Toestubbingvale Tastybottom (the third) was educated at Cambridge on a grant from The Foundation For Getting Indolent Sots Out Of Their Parents' Attics and later received his Master's degree in Applied Mugging, a Doctorate of Pornology and Medical Board certification in the Braille Method of Gynecology.

Quickly tiring of the monotony of maintaining banker's hours of beating young women into submission and "examining" them in dank back alleys, Wacky invested his vast fortune in the construction of his own Mega Ultra Superyacht, the Fecking Cardboard Box Dipped In Paraffin, You Rotten Bastards, which launched on July 27th, 1908. Unfortunately, Wacky had neglected to actually board the yacht, which then commenced to float off down the Thames entirely without him.

He then spent the next several decades accumulating another vast fortune, with which he constructed a second flagship, christened the Aw, Fuck. This time, he prepared himself for her maiden voyage by associating with several filthy, gin-soaked experts and was accredited his Captain's certification at the conclusion of a rather traumatic game of "strip fistfight."

And so it was that Captain Wacky set forth on the seven seas -- or, rather, the Flammable and Rancid River.
 
I dunno...that sounds more like a profile of Para.
 
I'll read more of these later.
Any one want to tackle Tasvir?

I'm not a Real mine fielder, but I can still pee in your soup.

[e]Hey?! Why isn't my AV animated?[/e]
 
I'd definitely call my yacht something like that.

Tasvir is about as Mine Field as Donald Duck (not at all.)
 
I'd ask you to do one on RAPEMAN_69 but mm would probably delete that post like every other one that makes more than a passing reference to him that she sees.

WATCH THIS SPACE
 
Watch this space for edits, you mean!
 
Still no edits.
 
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