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MOVIE SCRIPT

CaptainWacky

CaptainWacky

I want to smell dark matter
(George Fisto wakes up with a start in bed, breathing heavily.)

George: I'll remember you, always...I'll remember...you...who?

(He looks at his clock. It's 4:38 am.)

George: 4:38 am...but that's not time to get up...I was having a...dream...but it felt so real...whatever it was...it felt so...REAL!

(He clutches his chest.)

George: SHE TOOK MY HEART!

(Cut to black. Then cut to George getting up.)

George: Pull it together, Georgie-boy, you've got work to do...those cats aren't going to groom themselves...

(His phone rings. He lets the machine get it.)

Woman: Hello, Mister Lucas...I was wondering if you could, perhaps, if it's not too much trouble, groom my cat. He's a messy little bastard. I'd really like you to groom the shit out of him. And I mean that literally, he's got shit matted into his fur. Cat shit, dog shit, even some of mine! I daren't even touch him. Anyway, I'll pay you FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS since it's such a tough job. Did I mention that I'm a rich eccentric? Hehe! Here's my address, come over today if you can, you bastard.

(He notes down the address.)

George: With that money I'll finally be able to afford solar panels for my roof.

(One of his own cuts rubs up against his legs.)

George: Hey, puss-puss, don't have time to talk with you...

Cat: Miaow!

George: Wait, what did you say!?

Cat: Miaow!

George: This...this...

(He drops down onto a chair, opens a bottle of whisky, fills a glass and downs it.)

George: You said that in the dream I had last night...it's all coming back to me...SHE TOOK MY HEART!

Cat: Miaow?

George: I can't let it happen again...yet I want it to...could the woman who phoned, the rich eccentric with the filthy fucking cat...could she be the one!?

Cat: Miaow?

(The cat shrugs and walks away.)

George: MY HEART!

(Fade out as George looks pained.)

TO BE CONTINUED
 
well does he want to lose his heart or doesn't he the ambivalent bastard?!
 
HOW CAN HE GROOM CATS WITHOUT A HEART?!!!
 
Why did the woman on the phone call him Mister Lucas when it should be Mister Fisto!?

ANSWER: I TYPED WRONG
 
I thought she was just being sneaky!
 
I missed that, TRICKSY.

MOAR.
 
(George is standing outside a mansion. He beats his chest with his fist.)

George: Okay man, your heart is fine now, you're here at the rich eccentric woman's house...she's the one, man, the girl from your dream! This is it! Money, love, cats, the works, man! Let's knock the door!

(He knocks the door. A woman in a dressing gown answers. She's about fifty. And fat. And ugly.)

Woman: Hello there!

George: Uhh...you're the woman who phoned me about a cat grooming?

Woman: That's right. I'm Wanda Nose! HAHAHA!

George: Uhh, hi Wanda...

Wanda: Come in, come in. But not into my bed! Not yet anyway! HAHAHA!

George(under his breath): She is NOT the woman of my dreams...

(He goes into the mansion. It is tastelessly decorated.)

Wanda: Kitty? HERE KITTY FUCKING KITTY!

(A big fat stinking ginger cat comes running out. It has shit matted into its fur. Literal shit. It jumps right at George.)

George: Aaaah!

(It starts clawing at his crotch. Wanda grabs a broom and hits the cat with it. She then hits it as hard as possible, launching it across the room.)

Wanda: Stupid cat! He won't be able to pleasure me sexually if you destroy his crotch, you bastard! I shoudl just kill you instead of letting him groom you.

George: Don't do that. Every cat deserves life.

Wanda: A man with strong opinions, eh? I like that. I LIKE THAT AND YOUR PENIS.

George: Uhh, lady, could I just groom the cat and leave, please?

Wanda: Really? Oh. Fine. Leave. BASTARD.

George: Sorry...it's just that I had a weird dream last night and...well, it's just a dream. Nothing more. Sorry. I'll just groom your cat...

(A teenage looking girl walks into the room, wearing only her underwear. George's draw drops. She's beautiful.)

Girl: Uhh, hi...aunt Wanda, did you hit the cat again?

Wanda: He deserved it!

Girl: I'll get the cat medical kit...

(She smiles at George and leaves the room.)

George: Who...who was that?

Wanda: Her? That was just my pert seventeen year old niece Rachel.

(Rachel walks back in.)

Rachel: Hi by the way.

George: Hello there!

TO BE CONTINUED
 
OMG.. is that the Boss?
 
PERTLY!
 
(George is still staring at Rachel.)

George: You sure are pert...perty...pretty...pretty...umm, tall.

Rachel: For my age.

George: What age is that again...nearly eighteen?

Rachel: Not for another eleven months!

George: Oh...right...of course...

Wanda: Look, are you here to groom my cat or groom my teenage niece?

George: The cat?

Wanda: Right! GET OT IT, SPANKY.

George: Spanky?

Rachel: She's mad.

George: Oh. So...

(A young man in a suit walks in.)

Man: Hey babe, what you doing standing in your underwear talking to some old geezer?

George: Hey, I'm only twenty seven!

Man: Seven years older than me, fatty! And you're what, some kind of cat toucher?

George: I'm a groomer...who are you anyway!?

Man: I'm Rachel's boyfriend, Max Truncheon, and don't you forget it!

Rachel: Max!

Max: What? I have to assert myself, babe. It's what men with huge DICKS like myself do, baby!

Rachel: You don't have to call me "babe" or "baby" every sentence.

Max: Yeah I do, babe. Yeah I do. Now come on, we're going out.

Rachel: But I'm still in my underwear!

Max: Exactly, babe. HAHAHAHA!

(He drags her out.)

George: How can you let him treet her like that?

Wanda: What do I care, I'm rich! Money moeny money!

George: I'm going after them!

Wanda: What about my cat?

George: Umm, it's actually, I just checked.

Wanda: ...oh, so it is. Guess I hit him too hard with that shovel. Oh well, another one for the pile. I knew he'd die today anyway. It came to me in a dream.

George: That's great...wait, you dreamed the future? I think I did that.

Wanda: What did you dream about?

George: Well, a girl and...MY HEART!

(He clutches his chest in pain.)

Wanda: Want me to hit your chest with the shovel to get your heart beating again?

George: It...would...help...

TO BE CONTINUED
 
HANG IN THERE GEORGE!
 
GIVE HIM A DEBIBBLE-ATOR!!
 
I hope a cat chews off Max Truncheon's huge dick while he sleeps and then sits on Wanda's face while she sleeps and suffocates her.
 
Interesting imagination you have there.
 
George: I...I think I'm okay now...where am I?

(He is in a zoo.)

George: I'm in a zoo? But what...this doesn't make sense...I need to see the cats...

(He walks over to the lion enclosure and jumps the fence.)

George: Here, kitty kitty kitty...miaow...

(Suddenly, Rachel appears.)

Rachel: What are you doing?

George: You! You were here all along...but...

Rachel: You have to get out of here, there's lions!

George: How could you have been in my dream all along...the first time I had it, I hadn't even met you...

Rachel: GET OUT!

(A lion comes towards them, riding a motocycle.)

Geroge: THISG
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FUCK TYHE MOVIE SCTRIPT


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FIN
 
I'm going to steal this thread and continue it.

George [waking from sleep]: AAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHH

(looking to his left he sees a woman with a face that suggests a sexy body beneath the covers)

Sexy Woman: Are you alright honey? Did you have another nightmare about being a cat groomer? How about I give you oral pleasure that always seems to calm you down...

(The woman dips beneath the covers]

George: Oh boy...
 
Let's not and say you did.
 
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