NeonMercuryASH
beer, I want beer
Grassy Knoll.
Troll Kingdom
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New continuing Doctor Dave story
- Thread starter CaptainWacky
- Start date
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
We still don't know who killed him!
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Elijah Wood.
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
YOU SIGNED YOUR RIGHTS AWAY TO ME, CHUMP.
Loktar
Internet God and Defender of Park Benches
The guy that played Fez on That 70's Show.
Loktar
Internet God and Defender of Park Benches
Yeah me either. But I think he'd be perfect to play you.
Or Maybe John Cho or Kai Penn?
Loktar
Internet God and Defender of Park Benches
Harold and Kumar.
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
John Cho is Sulu and Kal Penn is in House.
CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Doctor Dave sits on the toilet taking a fucking shit.
"Hurry up and get out so I can go back to snorting cocaine and killing people," he said.
"PREPARE TO DIE!" shouted a voice from outside.
"What? How does one prepare to die?" Doctor Dave shouted out his bathroom window.
"Umm, I don't know...just prepare!" said the voice.
"How can I prepare to die? What the fuck would be the point? I'd be dead anyway. Do you mean write a will or somthing?"
"Yes. Umm, I mean know. That would tak too long and I'd lose my shot..."
"Oh, so you're outside hiding in the bushes preparing to shoot me?"
"YES you stinking horse, that's right!" said the ASSASSIN outside. "I was hired by JFK's ghost to put you out of business!"
"Well, why are you going to kill me then? Why not just start up a rival detective agency?"
"It's a figure of speech, you table tennis table! I mean kill you! I'm going to kill you. ASSHOLE!"
"Oh, okay. Fine."
"Fine? So you've prepared to die?"
"Just about."
"What do you mean, just about?"
"Just one thing I'm waiting for..."
"What, for the shit hanging from your asshole to fall into the toilet?"
"Oh, it already has. That's not what I'm waiting for."
"WELL WHAT IS?"
"I'm waiting for my sex robot to sneak up behind you and knife you to death. Ah, there she is now."
"What? AAAARGH!"
The sex robot pounced on the assassin with a big knife. "DIE, HUMAN SCUM, DIE, DIE IN THE NAME OF DOCTOR DAVE, DIE DIE DIE, STAB STAB STAB!" She stabs the shit out of him.
"Good sex robot," said Doctor Dave. "Now come up here so I can fuck you. Murder gets me hot. And bring the knife so I can lick the blood off."
Doctor Dave stood up and prepared to flush the toilet when suddenly JFK's ghost came out of it.
"BOOO!" it said.
"Oh, hi, " said Dave.
"You are EVIL, Doctor Dave! That assassin was one kill away from retirement! He had a wife and ten children!"
"Hey, not my fault bastard came after me. You sent him. You should have known."
"You didn't have to kill him! Your sex robot could have just injured him!"
"True. But I like watching people die."
"Then you are no better than me!"
"Not true. I only kill criminals. And people who annoy me. And all those nuns."
"Exactly! I've been doing research! You blew up a nun convention, killing two thousand innocent nuns!"
"True."
"That's evil!"
"You're taking it out of context."
"Well, what is the correct context?"
"I used to live by the law. I was the greatest detecitve in all the land. But then, one of evil bastards I was investigating got away with murdering a hot girl. I was incensed. The system had let me down. So I blew his head off with a big fucking gun. It felt good. I had developed a taste for blood. It wasn't my fault. I didn't know it would be so satisfying to take a human life. I thought it would be boring. But it turned me the fuck on. And I got away with it. I kept killing and killing, criminal after criminal, and the police never caught me. God never struck me down. I got away with murder. My erections got harder and harder. Eventually, I couldn't wank them away anymore. So I started killing annoying people. You know, french people and shit. But even that wasn't enough. One erection went up for six weeks and wouldn't go down, no matter how many french people I slaughtered. So I blew up two thousand nuns. It was the only way I could achieve orgasm. The only way."
"Well when you put it like that...you're still evil!"
"Yeah, true, I could have just killed myself or gone to a therapist or something. But why should I? I'm Doctor Dave, bitch!" He flushed the toilet.
"NOOOO! I'LL BE BACK!"
"Enjoy the sewers, fucknose." The Sex Robot walked in.
"I BROUGHT THE KNIFE, MASTER. DO YOU WISH TO SEX ME NOW."
"No. I'm going to tortue you then beat your robot body to death with a hammer. HAHAHA, I LOVE KILLING. Hmm, maybe JFK was right, maybe I am evil...Meh. DIE."
TO BE CONTINUED
"Hurry up and get out so I can go back to snorting cocaine and killing people," he said.
"PREPARE TO DIE!" shouted a voice from outside.
"What? How does one prepare to die?" Doctor Dave shouted out his bathroom window.
"Umm, I don't know...just prepare!" said the voice.
"How can I prepare to die? What the fuck would be the point? I'd be dead anyway. Do you mean write a will or somthing?"
"Yes. Umm, I mean know. That would tak too long and I'd lose my shot..."
"Oh, so you're outside hiding in the bushes preparing to shoot me?"
"YES you stinking horse, that's right!" said the ASSASSIN outside. "I was hired by JFK's ghost to put you out of business!"
"Well, why are you going to kill me then? Why not just start up a rival detective agency?"
"It's a figure of speech, you table tennis table! I mean kill you! I'm going to kill you. ASSHOLE!"
"Oh, okay. Fine."
"Fine? So you've prepared to die?"
"Just about."
"What do you mean, just about?"
"Just one thing I'm waiting for..."
"What, for the shit hanging from your asshole to fall into the toilet?"
"Oh, it already has. That's not what I'm waiting for."
"WELL WHAT IS?"
"I'm waiting for my sex robot to sneak up behind you and knife you to death. Ah, there she is now."
"What? AAAARGH!"
The sex robot pounced on the assassin with a big knife. "DIE, HUMAN SCUM, DIE, DIE IN THE NAME OF DOCTOR DAVE, DIE DIE DIE, STAB STAB STAB!" She stabs the shit out of him.
"Good sex robot," said Doctor Dave. "Now come up here so I can fuck you. Murder gets me hot. And bring the knife so I can lick the blood off."
Doctor Dave stood up and prepared to flush the toilet when suddenly JFK's ghost came out of it.
"BOOO!" it said.
"Oh, hi, " said Dave.
"You are EVIL, Doctor Dave! That assassin was one kill away from retirement! He had a wife and ten children!"
"Hey, not my fault bastard came after me. You sent him. You should have known."
"You didn't have to kill him! Your sex robot could have just injured him!"
"True. But I like watching people die."
"Then you are no better than me!"
"Not true. I only kill criminals. And people who annoy me. And all those nuns."
"Exactly! I've been doing research! You blew up a nun convention, killing two thousand innocent nuns!"
"True."
"That's evil!"
"You're taking it out of context."
"Well, what is the correct context?"
"I used to live by the law. I was the greatest detecitve in all the land. But then, one of evil bastards I was investigating got away with murdering a hot girl. I was incensed. The system had let me down. So I blew his head off with a big fucking gun. It felt good. I had developed a taste for blood. It wasn't my fault. I didn't know it would be so satisfying to take a human life. I thought it would be boring. But it turned me the fuck on. And I got away with it. I kept killing and killing, criminal after criminal, and the police never caught me. God never struck me down. I got away with murder. My erections got harder and harder. Eventually, I couldn't wank them away anymore. So I started killing annoying people. You know, french people and shit. But even that wasn't enough. One erection went up for six weeks and wouldn't go down, no matter how many french people I slaughtered. So I blew up two thousand nuns. It was the only way I could achieve orgasm. The only way."
"Well when you put it like that...you're still evil!"
"Yeah, true, I could have just killed myself or gone to a therapist or something. But why should I? I'm Doctor Dave, bitch!" He flushed the toilet.
"NOOOO! I'LL BE BACK!"
"Enjoy the sewers, fucknose." The Sex Robot walked in.
"I BROUGHT THE KNIFE, MASTER. DO YOU WISH TO SEX ME NOW."
"No. I'm going to tortue you then beat your robot body to death with a hammer. HAHAHA, I LOVE KILLING. Hmm, maybe JFK was right, maybe I am evil...Meh. DIE."
TO BE CONTINUED