New Doctor Dave Story

[CaptainWacky]

THE BEGINNING

Doctor Dave is shining up a suit of armour.

"Soon we shall go to battle," he says. "Soon we will have revenge."

His phone rings.

"YES," he shouts.

"Dave, I've tracked him down. The dark knight!" says a voice.

"WHERE?" asks Dave.

"At the zoo!"

"Then I am coming," says Dave, picking up an axe. "And vengence shall be bloody."

 

[Cassie]

DR DAVE WILL HAVE HIS DAY.

 

[Dr Dave]

I shall get my pound of flesh.

 

[Big Dick McGee]

I pray that The Dark Knight is not too much for Dr. Dave to handle!

 

[Dr Dave]

Like he could be.

 

[Big Dick McGee]

But he has all those wonderful toys!

 

[Dr Dave]

Yeah but im Dr fucknosejimmyjackboohat Dave, BITCH!

 

[Dr Dave]

bump

 

[CaptainWacky]

Doctor Dave shows up at the zoo. His friend MANKY STEVE is waiting.

"Hey mandog, what kept you?" asks Steve.

"I came half way here in a suit of armour then realised it was really hard to move in, so I went home and took it off," says Dave.

"Sweet, brah," says Steve.

"So where the cunt is he?" asks Dave.

"Who?" asks Steve.

"WHO?" booms Dave. "WHO? The Dark fuckdamn Knight, that's who, you knob."

"Oh," says Steve. "He turned into a penguin. He's in the penguin enclosure.

"Right," says Dave, walking over. He pulls out a gun. "Time to shoot that dirtbag. Which one is he?"

"Huh?" asks Steve.

"WHICH PENGUIN YOU SPANNER?" asks Dave.

"How the fuck should I know, they all look the same!" says Steve.

"Well I only brought one bullet for some reason," says Dave. "So I can't go shooting them all."

"That would be murder anyway!" says Steve.

"I kill animals all the time," says Dave. "I killed twelve frogs on the way here. And one squirrel. I bit its head off."

"Why?" asks Steve.

"I was eating a bagel and it jumped into my hands and I thought it was the bagel even though it was a squirrel so I bit it," sayd says Dave.

"Oh," says Steve. "That's a weird story."

"WHICH FUCKING PENGUIN!"

TO BE CONTINUED

 

[Bickendan]

This thread is full of win and awesome.

 

[Dr Dave]

It's a Dr Dave story, could it be anything else?

 

[Cassie]

Dr Dave has been prowling in my yard, there are headless squirrels all over the place.

 

[Dr Dave]

I was lost.

 

[CaptainWacky]

"I'll jump in and ask them all," says Dave.

"But they can't talk" says Steve.

"I have ways of making them talk," says Dave.

"Such as?" asks Steve.

"Kicking them," says Dave, and he jumps into the enclosure. At this point, one of the penguins turns into a giant Italian plumber.

"That's probably the dark knight!" says Steve.

"Thanks," says Dave, aiming his gun.

"Hey, why-a you-a shout-a me? IT'SSA ME, MARIO!" says the giant Italian plumber.

"Shit it's Mario, better not shoot," says Steve.

"FUCK MARIO", says Dave, firing. But the bullet is caught in mid air. By Hitler.

"Got your bullet, bitch!" says Hitler. Then Hitler transforms. INTO THE DARK KNIGHT.

"Shit!" says Steve. "Hitler was the dark knight, not the penguin!"

"This is getting confusing and gay," says Dave.

 

[Dr Dave]

Uh oh.

 

[curiousa2z]

well I kNEW NO GOOD WOULD COME OF IT when he went in to shoot a penguin!

 

[CaptainWacky]

(Doctor Dave wakes up in his bed with a start. The Hot Girl beside him is watching, anxious.)

Hot Girl: Are you okay, Mister Sexident?

Dave: What...what happened? Everything was getting confusing and gay. Now I'm...in bed?

Girl: Don't get gay in bed with me!

Dave: Mario was there...and Hitler...and Steve...what the fuck...

Girl: Steve? Dave...mister sexident...look, can I just call you Dave? I know you're the president of sex, but calling you mister sexident all the time sounds silly.

Dave: WHO ARE YOU ANYWAY, HO?

Girl: Hey, I'm not a ho! I'm a stripper!

Dave: Oh yeah, I remember, I sexed the shit out of you last night. But...I was just at the zoo...with Manky Steve.

Girl: Dave, honey, you told me last night that your friend Steve was murdered six months ago...by some bastardfuck known as the Dark Knight.

Dave: Yes...that's right...he cut Steve's legs off and beat him to death with them...then cooked him in a giant burger and fade him to hungry children...they didn't even know...I still wanted to shoot them all...

Girl: You must have just had a bad dream, honey.

Dave: It was more than a dream! It felt so real! But...it couldn't have been. The Dark Knighty can't really turn into a penguin, can he?

Girl: No.

Dave: I feel all confused. I don't like this. I usually know everything that's going on.

Girl: We could have sex again.

Dave: Yes, that would help. I always feel like I know what's going on when I have sex. Because I am the master.

Girl: Baiter.

Dave: Huh?

Girl: You're the masturbator, FUCKFACE!

(She pulls a KNIFE out from under her tits and stabs Dave.)

Dave: How come I didn't notice that?!

 

[CaptainWacky]

DR DAVE AWAKES AGAIN. IN A LAB.

DAVE: WHAT AM I DON GIN A LAB?

BLACK KNGIHT: HAHAHAHa

THE BOE CONTINEd