CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
Suddenly everything SHIMMERED and the hospital vanished. Doctor Dave found himself standing in the knife shop with Brutus.
"Shit fuck what?" asked Dave.
"What's going on with you, man?" asked Brutus. "You look like you've seen a ghost."
"How did I get here?" asked Dave.
"######, you high?" asked Brutus, who is black by the way so it's okay for him to say that word. "You called me up on the dog and bone and asked me to find a bigass knife for you. You got some stabbin' to do, brah."
"Yes that's right," said Dave. "But...I already bought it."
"No way, cheese, you didn't buy shit yet, brah, I haven't even showed your ass the knife, brah! Here it is!" Brutus took out the bigass knife.
"That's the knife!" said Dave. "The bigass knife!"
"Shit brah, course it is. So, you buyin'?"
"I..." started Dave. Then he saw a GHOST standing behind Brutus.
"Woo woo woo!" said the ghost. "Your friend can't see me, but I'm the ghost from the GHOST CAVE who has been pulling the strings all along. You've seen what would happen if you slept with Rebecca, now you've got a second chance to put things right."
"Okay," said Dave. "I'LL TAKE THE KNIFE."
"Hit with me with some green, brah!" said Brutus and Dave paid up. Brutus handed him the knife. Dave stroked it. He walked out of the shop without saying another word. He knew what time it was, somehow he knew, like he'd always been here.
He saw her. Rebecca. This was when he started following her, meaning to use her as bait to catch the priest. Except he'd had sex with her instead, and a whole lot of insanity had followed. Not this time.
"Hey, why are you following me stroking a knife?" she asked, as she had the last time.
"No reason," said Dave. Then he just kept following. She looked disturbed but didn't know what to do. And then the priest jumped out.
"HAHAHAHA, REBECCA!" said the Purple Priest. "IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO MEET YOUR DESTINY AND BY THAT I MEAN MY COCK!"
"Don't think so," said Dave, springing into action. He stabbed the priest right in the neck as he had always planned. "DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE."
"Shit, you're killing me...GACK!" said the Purple Priest. And he died right there in the street.
"You...you just murdered him in cold blood," said Rebecca.
"Yes that's right," said Dave.
"That is so...hot," she said.
"Yes, I know," said Dave.
"It's funny, I feel like I know you from somewhere..."
"You don't. Not yet anyway."
"Hmm. Want to go back to your place and fuck like animals, like crazed rabid dying animals fucking for the moment, not caring what happens to them, not caring if they fuck each other to death?"
"Okay," said Dave. And they walked off together.
"And THAT is a lesson to all of you" said the Cave Ghost. "If you're going to have sex with a hot woman and kill her evil rapist ex-husband then kill the husband FIRST so that there's no complications. I think that's advice that EVERYONE should remember. Woo woo woo!"
THE END
BUT THE HUMAN ADVENTURE IS JUST BEGINNING
"Shit fuck what?" asked Dave.
"What's going on with you, man?" asked Brutus. "You look like you've seen a ghost."
"How did I get here?" asked Dave.
"######, you high?" asked Brutus, who is black by the way so it's okay for him to say that word. "You called me up on the dog and bone and asked me to find a bigass knife for you. You got some stabbin' to do, brah."
"Yes that's right," said Dave. "But...I already bought it."
"No way, cheese, you didn't buy shit yet, brah, I haven't even showed your ass the knife, brah! Here it is!" Brutus took out the bigass knife.
"That's the knife!" said Dave. "The bigass knife!"
"Shit brah, course it is. So, you buyin'?"
"I..." started Dave. Then he saw a GHOST standing behind Brutus.
"Woo woo woo!" said the ghost. "Your friend can't see me, but I'm the ghost from the GHOST CAVE who has been pulling the strings all along. You've seen what would happen if you slept with Rebecca, now you've got a second chance to put things right."
"Okay," said Dave. "I'LL TAKE THE KNIFE."
"Hit with me with some green, brah!" said Brutus and Dave paid up. Brutus handed him the knife. Dave stroked it. He walked out of the shop without saying another word. He knew what time it was, somehow he knew, like he'd always been here.
He saw her. Rebecca. This was when he started following her, meaning to use her as bait to catch the priest. Except he'd had sex with her instead, and a whole lot of insanity had followed. Not this time.
"Hey, why are you following me stroking a knife?" she asked, as she had the last time.
"No reason," said Dave. Then he just kept following. She looked disturbed but didn't know what to do. And then the priest jumped out.
"HAHAHAHA, REBECCA!" said the Purple Priest. "IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO MEET YOUR DESTINY AND BY THAT I MEAN MY COCK!"
"Don't think so," said Dave, springing into action. He stabbed the priest right in the neck as he had always planned. "DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE."
"Shit, you're killing me...GACK!" said the Purple Priest. And he died right there in the street.
"You...you just murdered him in cold blood," said Rebecca.
"Yes that's right," said Dave.
"That is so...hot," she said.
"Yes, I know," said Dave.
"It's funny, I feel like I know you from somewhere..."
"You don't. Not yet anyway."
"Hmm. Want to go back to your place and fuck like animals, like crazed rabid dying animals fucking for the moment, not caring what happens to them, not caring if they fuck each other to death?"
"Okay," said Dave. And they walked off together.
"And THAT is a lesson to all of you" said the Cave Ghost. "If you're going to have sex with a hot woman and kill her evil rapist ex-husband then kill the husband FIRST so that there's no complications. I think that's advice that EVERYONE should remember. Woo woo woo!"
THE END
BUT THE HUMAN ADVENTURE IS JUST BEGINNING