New movie screenplay about robots

[CaptainWacky]

(Doctor KEITH OBERMAN is making a robot.)

Keith: You will be the finest robot to ever walk robot street.

(He puts DEADLY CLAWS on the robot.)

Keith: You will fight criminals with your deadly claws! And now, finally, to turn you on!

(He switches the robot on. It immediately stabs Keith with its deadly claws.)

Keith: No...I am you father...why...why?

Robot: Because you are a criminal.

Keith: No...no...

Robot: Uhh, yeah. You raped some ducks, remembeR?

Keith: I was...drunk...

Robot: No excuse!

Keith: Curse...you...urgh.

(He dies.)

Robot: And now to get me some girls!

TO BE CONTINUED

 

[The Dork Lord]

DEADLY CLAWS! VENGEANCE FOR THA DUCKIES!!

 

[Cassie]

Wait... being drunk isn't a good excuse?

 

[Gagh]

YOU WILL DANCE.....BITCH!

 

[CaptainWacky]

(Scene: a bar. A sexy twenty something blond is sitting at the bar, looking bored. ROBOT siddles up beside her. He is wearing a fake moustache and sungless.)

ROBOT: WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO BUY YOU A CONDOM I MEAN DRINK?

Girl: Huh?

ROBOT: I'M OFFERING TO BUY YOU A DRINK YOU CLOTH EARED BINT.

Girl: I'm waiting for someone. Nice moustache.

ROBOT: THANKS IT IS ISN'T IT NICE LEGS LET'S HAVE SEX.

Girl: What!?

ROBOT: YOU HAVE NICE LEGS LET'S HAVE SEX.

Girl: I don't even know you! And you appear to be a robot!

ROBOT: HAHAHA ME A ROBOT THAT'S ABSURD I DID NOT KILL MY MASTER AND I DO NOT PLAN TO RAPE AND THEN MURDER YOU THE VERY IDEA IS RIDICULOUS: IT IS OPEN TO RIDICULE.

Girl: Sorry...

ROBOT: WHO'S YOUR FAVOURITE MUSICAL ARTIST MADONNA?

Girl: I like Coldplay...

ROBOT: YES I LIKE MADONNA TOO SHE'S GREAT WHEN SHE SINGS SONGS LET'S HAVE SEX.

Girl: Stop saying that!

ROBOT: HAHAHAHA!

(The Coldplay song "fix you" comes on as the ROBOT forces himself on the girl.)

Girl: Help, someone, help me!

BARMAN: I'LL HELP.

(The Barman pulls his RUBBER MASK FACE off.)

BARMAN ROBOT: I'M A ROBOT TOO!

ROBOT: SHIIIIIT!

 

[Cassie]

Hot robot on robot on unsuspecting bint action?

 

[CaptainWacky]

ROBOT: HOW CAN YOU BE A ROBOT TOO!?

ROBOT BARMAN: I WAS MADE BY OUR FATHER. WE ARE BROTHERS!

ROBOT: THEN WE CAN VIOLATE THIS BINT TOGETHER!

ROBOT BARMAN: NO. I WAS AN EARLY, GOOD, PROTOTYPE ROBOT. OUR FATHER WASN'T SATISFIED BY MY LOW MENTAL CAPACITY - IT'S WHY I'M WORKING AS A BARMAN BOT - AND SMALL PENIS, SO HE DECIDED TO MAKE YOU. I BEGGED HIM NOT TO, I KNEW YOU'D TURN OUT TO BE EVIL, BUT HE WOULD NOT LISTEN. HE WOULD NOT LISTEN!

ROBOT: HAHA, YOU'RE THICK!

ROBOT BARMAN: BUT I KNOW HOW TO FIGHT!

(He jumps over the bar and they CLASH in a fury of sparks and scraping metal sounds!)

Girl: Kill him robot barman, kill him!

(The robot barman pins the robot down and is about to shatter his robot head.)

ROBOT BARMAN: BUT HE IS MY BROTHER.

ROBOT: YES, HAVE MERCY, MERCY!

ROBOT BARMAN: OKAY.

(He let's go. The ROBOT immediatly reachs up and snaps the Robot Barman's robot neck.)

Girl: NOOOOOOOOOOO!

ROBOT: DUMB FUCK! NOW, WHERE WERE WE?

 

[The Dork Lord]

*gasp*

THAT POOR BINT!

 

[Cassie]

Evil always wins

 

[FBI parte due]

This thread inspired me to quit smoking drugs and get myself off the streets. I'm now the Prime Minister of England thanks to you!

 

[CaptainWacky]

Girl: Don't do this...

ROBOT: WHY NOT?

Girl: You wouldn't want to hurt YOUR OWN MOTHER, I'm sure!

ROBOT: WAH!?

Girl: That's right!

(She rips off her fake rubber face and she's really OLD!)

Old Woman: I'm really old!

ROBOT: YOU ARE MY FATHER'S WIFE AND THEREFORE MY MOTHER?

Old Woman: What? No! I carried you to term in my womb! You're actually human!

ROBOT: WHAT THE FUCK!?

(He stabs her with his DEADLY CLAWS in a fit of confusion.)

ROBOT: NO, DON'T DIE, PLEASE, EXPLAIN FIRST...EXPLAIN...

Old Woman: You...are...the...uuuuuurrrrrgh!

ROBOT: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!