Ongoing "How I Met You Mother" thread of doom...

Eggs Mayonnaise

All In With The Nuts
I like reading these as well, mostly because as much as I would try and watch this show, and despite people I love starring in it, I was never pulled into being a regular viewer. Something always felt off, or at least muted, or something. I think they were too trapped in the high concept premise to just let go and make the shows hilarious. It never seemed like the kind of show you could just pick up anytime in the series, again because of the concept. I didn't bother because I figured I would have to watch from the beginning to catch up on all the backstory. And then I remember the finale disappointed a lot of people, which kind of makes the whole trip not worthwhile if you weren't already hooked, eh?
 

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OK. We're on the home stretch. Or at least the final turn before the home stretch. Or maybe the turn before that. And I'm avoiding being a grown-up right now, so I'll soldier on with this:

Robin is dating Kevin. Barney is dating Norah. But somehow they manage to hook up and have a one night stand--the night before they're all supposed to spend 3 hours together on a cruise. Before the cruise is over they decide that, as soon as they get done with the cruise, they'll tell their respective others, break up, and meet at the bar. Barney breaks it off with Norah and is thrilled to see Robin coming into McLaren's...until Kevin comes in after her. He looks at her questioningly and she shakes her head. Turns out Kevin is a cuck and when she tries to tell him, he cuts her off and says he doesn't want to know--they're still together.

Meanwhile, Marshall and Lily are given Lily's grandparents' house on Long Island. Stewing with pregnancy hormones, Lily tricks Marshall into moving there (Marshall wants to move to the suburbs anyway). This will factor in later. Barney winds up being Ted's wingman for a double date, makes a pass at his date and gets shot down--although in the end he manages to hook up with her even when Ted strikes out. When Marshall and Lily visit the gang, they have to leave because if they don't, they'll wind up riding back to Long Island on "The Drunk Train." Barney ropes Ted into being his wingman in attempts to score on The Drunk Train, but in the end he snatches failure from the jaws of success because he's hung up over the girl from the double date--who turns out to be a stripper at his favorite club. While Robin is out to visit Marshall and Lily, she locks herself in the bathroom in an apparent freak-out. Barney talks to her through the bathroom window and she reveals she thinks he's pregnant--with Barney's child (she and Kevin haven't done it yet). It turns out to be a false alarm BUT the doctor later calls her back to tell her she cannot have children.

Robin and Kevin are on a weekend getaway with Lily and Marshall. Kevin proposes to Robin. Robin reveals she can't have children--and doesn't want children. Kevin ultimately breaks up with her over this. Robin confides in Ted, who tells her he still loves her--right before she's pulled away for a weeklong assignment in Russia, with her hated coworker Patrice.

By now Barney has tracked down Quinn, the stripper and ultimately gets engaged to her. But first there's a roadbump when he runs off to Atlantic City for a weekend without telling her (although his cause in noble, in getting Marshall out of the house because he is driving Lily crazy over the baby). That said, the whole thing backfires because they both get hopelessly drunk and turn off their phones--just as Lily unexpectedly goes into labor. They get back by catching a lift on a charter bus full of college seniors. It turns out Barney wasn't paying attention and it is a bus full of senior citizens. Furthermore, it isn't going to New York City, it's going to Buffalo. The driver refuses to let them out--"I can only stop if there's a medical emergency." After Barney's impassioned plea is overheard, all the seniors have an "I am Spartacus" moment when they all announce that they are having a heart attack--and that their doctor happens to be at the hospital where Lily is in labor. Not only does Marshall eventually make it for the delivery but Lily's estranged Dad, Micky shows up too. In the waiting room Robin tells Ted he's a dumbass and he hasn't found love yet because he's chasing the wrong girls and the only girl that was right for him was Victoria, way back from the beginning (and middle) of the series. Ted says she was engaged the last time they talked but Robin urges him to call her anyway. He does and she agrees to meet him at McLaren's--in a wedding dress.
 

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I like reading these as well, mostly because as much as I would try and watch this show, and despite people I love starring in it, I was never pulled into being a regular viewer. Something always felt off, or at least muted, or something. I think they were too trapped in the high concept premise to just let go and make the shows hilarious. It never seemed like the kind of show you could just pick up anytime in the series, again because of the concept. I didn't bother because I figured I would have to watch from the beginning to catch up on all the backstory. And then I remember the finale disappointed a lot of people, which kind of makes the whole trip not worthwhile if you weren't already hooked, eh?
Funny you should mention this because I've been trying to get through the synopsis to get to actual critique. I think I mentioned at the beginning that the show was kind of an answer to "Friends", which was wrapping up when this show started--although it more closely resembles, from my limited experience, a British show called "Coupling," which ran at the same time as "Friends," with the tagline "It's like 'Friends,' only they're all doing it," IIRC. Anyhow, "Friends" is definitely more episodic. There are overarching themes--will Rachael and Ross ever get together? But you can watch any random episode of "Friends," and be up to speed and feel no need to see the next episode. And watching them in order maybe helps a bit, but it really isn't necessary. With"HIMYM," it most definitely has a strong arc. It isn't to the degree of, say, "Battlestar Galactica," but you really want to follow the storyline.

That's one of the challenges of LaffTV, where I'd been watching this--they showed the series 7 days a week in 3 hour blocs. So if you didn't have 21 hours a week to watch an entire TV series in about 2 months, you'd get out of cycle.
 

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Ran out of excuses not to work, so I got back on the clock--only to find my Microsoft Teams was acting up so I had to reboot. But that's a story for my other thread. However it *does* give me an excuse to get to the last season in this synopsis.

By now we may have learned that Ted is clingy and codependent and overanalyzes things. Marshall and Lily are exhausted from the new baby, Marvin, named after Marshall's Dad, and tell him he can only bring them things if they are an 8 or higher in importance. Ted calls from the bar to reveal that Victoria is there in a wedding dress, which Marshall declares a 10. Robin is trying to get baby photos so the whole gang (minus Barney, who has patched things up with Quinn and is taking her on a Hawaii vacation) troop down. Lily wonders why Robin is taking a picture of Marvin and realizes that their baby's first family outing is to a bar.

Ted, having been left at the altar, has issues with stealing away a bride, in spite of the gang's advice. But in the end he agrees to hop in the car with Victoria. BUT...Victoria realizes he's driving her to the church--Ted has had second thoughts. Victoria is resigned to do the grown-up thing and marry Klaus, who she met while she was in cooking school in Germany, but Ted again changes his mind, drives past the church and literally into the sunset with her--with a side trip because he learns that Victoria didn't leave a note. As it happens, while Ted is leaving Victoria's note, he meets Klaus, who is also running away from the wedding. Ted asks why and Klaus explains that Victoria is almost perfect for him--but not quite. And he maintains that there is someone perfect out there for you--you just have to find them, which of course gets Ted to thinking about Robin. But for now he's back together with Victoria.

While all this is happening, Barney has caused himself and Quinn to miss their flight because he'd brought an elaborate magic trick in his luggage and refuses to reveal its secret to the TSA because of "Magician's Code." Ultimately, he performs the trick, which holds an engagement ring, he proposes to Quinn (who he learns has quit her job as a stripper because it made him uncomfortable) and she accepts. They call Marshall and Lily with the news and Marshall notes that this is two 10s in one day. Robin succeed in taking a cute family baby picture when Marshall, Lily, and Marvin fall asleep on the bed.

So Ted's got Victoria, Barney's engaged to Quinn, and then they construct a boyfriend for Robin with a flashback story from her having a meet cute with a hot guy while she was dating Ted--while Ted was getting his red cowboy boots*. Everyone's happy. So now we've got to get everyone broken up.

*Have we covered the red cowboy boots? Probably not. They're a recurring theme, even factoring into Stella's ex's movie, "The Wedding Bride," which is a fictionalized story of Stella's relationship with Ted. Did we cover "The Wedding Bride"? I don't know that we need to, but it factors in at least in passing a few times, so maybe I need to circle back to that too.

So one, maybe two more posts before we dig into the final ...no. Never mind. There's a whole other season. Ted and Victoria getting back together is the end of the 3rd to the last season.
 

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OK. Barney is engaged to Quinn. Ted is living with Victoria. Marshall and Lily have a new baby. Oh, and Robin is dating...Nick? Thus begins the season(ish). Barney's boss has just gone through a nasty divorce and urges Barney to have Quinn sign a pre-nup. We can imagine the sort of pre-nup Barney will come up with (and it winds up being about the size of the unabridged Oxford English Dictionary). In response, the girls help Quinn write up her *own* pre-nup, which is every bit as large and is slanted towards protecting *her* interests. As everyone starts arguing, Barney's boss, of all people, calms everyone down, mends all the fences, and makes them decide not to do pre-nups. But then, when it comes time to feed their huge pre-nups into the GNB shredder, each offers to let the other go first. And they both refuse to go first. So Quinn asks Barney if he trusts her, to which he replies that he does not. Barney asks Quinn if she trust him and she says she doesn't either. They realize the relationship is doomed and break up. One down. (I may get these in the wrong order, it doesn't matter for the most part.)

Meanwhile, through the season, we find out about Nick, who is the most sloppily written uninteresting character possibly in the history of television. He exists solely for Robin to have someone to be dating and to break up with, so every episode there's some new, wildly incongruous thing about him. At first he's hunky. And apparently good in bed. We'll get to that. Then he's really, really sensitive. (I haven't mentioned, but Robin's cold and distant Canadian father wanted a son, so she was raised as a boy. She smokes cigars, drinks whisky, and is known to carry a Desert Eagle in her purse.) Then he offers to take her for a ride on his "bike." She's all leathered-up, and promptly climbs onto a big Harley parked outside the pub, only to find that Nick rides a scooter that runs on cooking oil. Speaking of which, in the next episode, we find out Nick is a chef with a TV cooking show (more on *that* later). And lastly, that he's really, REALLY, stupid. Because that is the trait that is required for each of the episodes in question to work. None of these points ever factors into his character again after it is introduced (well, he does ride the scooter in a commercial for his cooking show).

So. Ted & Victoria. Things go sideways for Klaus and Ted being Ted, he invites him to move in with them. It turns out Klaus is a nudist with pet ferrets. Hilarity ensues. Victoria is annoyed that things aren't moving faster with them. Lily and Marshall take Ted aside and tell him that he's missing important hints Victoria has been dropping. Ted doesn't believe this and has a talk with Victoria about it. She tells him he is right and that she would never do that. Then she goes and gets her wedding dress and asks him if she should hang onto it or if she will "...NEVER EVER NEED IT AGAIN." Ted, being Ted, takes the hint and one day Victoria comes home to an apartment filled with candles and roses and Ted, in a tuxedo, proposes to her. She accepts--on the condition that he can no longer be friends with Robin. (Throughout the series, Victoria has (rightly) maintained that Ted is hung up on Robin and can never have a healthy relationship with another woman as long as she's in his life.) Ted accepts the ultimatum and asks Robin to meet him at McLaren's. We cut to Ted in the booth at McLaren's, explaining that he has had to make a choice and has decided that he has to end things. Then we get the reverse shot and learn that he is speaking to Victoria, who he breaks up with. She leaves the bar on the edge of tears, telling Ted "I hope you get her."

Oh, and meanwhile in this episode, Barney is not taking his breakup well so he's adopted a stray dog. Nick--who is a chef, and we know this because he has a lame cooking show--is going to make a big romantic dinner for Robin. Robin, worried about Barney's emotional state, pressures Nick into inviting him to the dinner--along with the dog. While at the dinner, Barney gets a call. The owner of the dog is back and has tracked him down. Barney agrees to return the dog. Then Robin narrowly stops him from leaping to his death from the balcony, so she decides she should go with him to return the dog. Nick is annoyed that he is being blown off and that his fancy dinner isn't going to keep but agrees. Barney returns the dog, whose owner turns out to be a hot girl. The girl mistakes Barney and Robin for a couple, to which Robin pretends to be his lesbian sister, leaving Barney free to hook up with the dog's owner. Finally back at Nicks and sitting down to dinner, Robin gets a call from Ted, who needs to tell her something important at McLaren's right away.

The next morning Ted, Marshall, and Lily are hanging out and Ted explains the whole thing. Lily and Marshall tell him at least this will score some major points with Robin, to which Ted tells them Robin can never know about it. Robin shows up and gives Ted a hard time about dragging her to the bar to hear about his idea for a series of children's mystery books and how that doesn't constitute "an emergency." Then she hears about the breakup, and Ted makes some lame excuse while Marshall and Lily look on with pained expressions. Which just leaves Robin and Nick.

Oh, Nick is also a gifted athlete. That's important because this week he's a ringer on Marshall's adult rec sports basketball team. But he's pulled a groin muscle so he's restricted from sex while it heals. Without regular sex, Robin realizes Nick is really, really dumb. The gang already knows this from a series of flashbacks and Robin eventually realizes she has to break up with him. She takes him to an ice cream parlor around the corner, "Splitsville," where everyone goes for breakups--"you don't have to sit through an entire uncomfortable meal, just get it over with." But Nick is so stupid he doesn't understand what is happening. Then he gets an upsetting call and before Robin can go through with it she has to ask him what the call was. His groin injury won't be healed in time for the rest of the season, so they might as well go back to having sex. The Gang are all nearby, listening in on some kind of surveillance device of Barney's (it might just be Robin's phone, I forget). Robin is just about to cave and stay with Nick when Barney shows up and confesses his hopeless, undying love for Robin, explaining that Nick cannot date her because he is madly in love with her. Nick is upset, but is consoled by several hot just-dumped girls who all agree to go off for an orgy (I'm not exaggerating that--at least not much). After he's left, Barney returns to his usual self, declares the performance of a lifetime, and tells Robin it was all an act to help her out.

Robin, Ted, and Barney are all single again and things progress toward the final season.
 

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At this point, the series kind of goes into whacky free-standing stories that have little important plot elements hidden in them. I'll probably miss something important that I need to circle back for. Marshall does finally get his dream job as an environmental lawyer. At first he worries he won't get it because the head of the firm, Martin Short, mentions a background check in a follow-up call and he remembers an YouTube video of him streaking during his college years that he attempts to make go away. Hilarity ensues. Ted takes his intro to architecture class on a field trip to the GNB Tower construction. Hilarity ensues. Robin and Barney cheerfully stumble home from a LEGEND--wait for it--DARY night at the strip club and when they get to Robin's place, Barney makes a drunken pass at her. At first she reciprocates before pushing him off and going inside. Next day, Robin wants to talk about it at the bar and Barney says not to worry about it, he's through. He will not keep trying to win her and they can go back to being just friends.

This, of course bugs the Hell out of Robin who, it turns out, always wants what she can't have. So she makes increasingly desperate attempts to hook up with Barney--on the theory that she can have one last fling to get him out of her system--that he obliviously rebuffs. Finally, she enlists the services of evil relationship mastermind, Lily. Now under her sweet wholesome redhead exterior, Lily is a dirty, dirty girl. And she's always had a lesbian thing for Robin. So she suggests Robin do "silly, stupid" girl-girl stuff in front of Barney to get his interest. Unfortunately for Lily, her part of the plan backfires when Robin shows up at the bar with the hot weather girl from her station. The ploy appears to work--until Barney goes off to the station with the weather girl to do it in front of the map. But while there, Barney has second thoughts and breaks it off. While he's waiting for the weather girl to get the studio ready, he runs into Robin's coworker and arch-nemesis, Patrice, a sweet innocent chubby Asian girl who always keeps cookies on hand. Patrice asks Barney why he's there and Barney says he doesn't know. So Patrice says something must be bothering him, because when someone is troubled it makes her want to offer them a cookie. Then she offers him a cookie. Barney blows her off but she persists, saying they are shaped like little hearts, and then apologizes that some of them are broken. Barney breaks down and says "like mine" or somesuch before scarfing down a cookie. Nothing else has worked, so Robin realizes she has to show up at Barney's, unannounced, in her sexy lingerie. Now in prime-time TV shows, if a guy is in boxer shorts or a girl is in a fairly modest teddy, that's code that they're naked. Robin knocks on Barney's door, wearing a trenchcoat. When he answers, she opens the trenchcoat and Barney apologizes for not being able to ask her in because he's kind of in the middle of something. He opens the door further and we see...Patrice. They're kind of on a date. They invite her in, but of course she storms off, angry, hurt and confused. Which brings us to the next major point...

Robin decides Barney is using Patrice and that she must warn Patrice about his evil ways. So, in spite of the Gang's best efforts, she tries to. Patrice refuses to believe her sweet Barney could be the evil womanizing scumbag Robin claims he is--so Robin resolves to break into Barney's lair and steal The Play Book to show Patrice. The gang tries to talk her out of it and next we see her breaking into Barney's apartment. She gets trapped in a closet there when Barney arrives unexpectedly and uses her wiles to get Ted to distract Barney so she can get out. This backfires when she dallies to continue to look for The Play Book and Ted also gets trapped in a closet in Barney's apartment (but she does find The Play Book). So they call Lily to get her help--only to find she too is hiding in a closet in Barney's apartment (she goes there for a quiet place to pump breast milk for Marvin). They call Marshall--only to find he is locked in a closet at their house, horrified to walk in on his Mom and Lily's Dad, Doing It. But while all this hilarity ensues, Robin manages to leave The Play Book in a place where Patrice will find it. Barney and Patrice head out to the balcony to have a huge fight. Barney claims he is a changed man because of her and, as The Gang looks on from the closet in shock, proceeds to burn The Play Book.

Next we have an episode about forgiveness and the shenanigans that can ensue if grown adults believe in the "JINX!" curse. But at the end of the episode, after swearing Ted to secrecy, Barney reveals that he intends to propose to Patrice at her favorite spot, the roof of the World News Building on the night of the GNB Tower inauguration party.

Next episode is the big unveiling of the GNB Tower. It is Marshall and Lily's first night away from Marvin. Lily's Dad, Micky babysits, but they don't take it well. Earlier Ted has broken his promise to tell Marshall about Barney's secret, saying he feels like he needs to tell Robin because he believes Robin loves Barney. Marshall argues against it, saying that if Ted really wants Robin, he should just let this happen and keep Robin for himself. Robin is Ted's date to the party but Ted being Ted, he tells her of Barney's plan ("Dammit, Patrice! The roof of the World News Building is MY favorite spot!") Robin recovers, says she doesn't care and that they should go to Ted's party. Eventually the car pulls to a stop--in front of the World News Building. Robin is angry with Ted for doing this, but Ted persuades her to go and fight for Barney. Robin leave the car and gets to the roof, where she finds candles and rose petals and a sheet of paper on the ground. It is a "play" from The Play Book: "The Robin." The play goes as thus (more or less):

1) Confess your love to Robin--but then play it off as a joke.
2) Make an awkward drunken pass at her. Get rebuffed.
3) Next day, tell her you are through chasing her--this will drive Robin *nuts*
4) Ignore all her efforts to hook up--this will drive Robin *nuts*
5) Enlist the help of Robin's worst enemy [flashbacks of Barney explaining his plan to Patrice and Patrice enthusiastically agreeing to help]
6) Tell your plan to Ted, swearing him to secrecy. If he tells Robin, it will mean he's finally moved on and you are free to pursue her
7) Look up.

Robin looks up and realizes she's standing under mistletoe (it's...New Years? I forget. Around Christmas at any rate). She looks down and sees Barney. She's furious with him for manipulating her like a puppet and then thinking he'll somehow win her over. Barney just looks at her and tells her to turn the page over.

8) Hope she says yes.

Robin looks up to Barney, on his knee with a ring.

Meanwhile, Ted is at his party, celebrating him being the youngest (probably) architect to have a major building built in NYC and he gets a text: Barney is going to be marrying Robin. We get a long pan out to Ted, not being particularly happy about this development.

And NOW, I think we're ready for the final season--which does have some flashbacks and stuff that may require covering some points I forgot were important.
 

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Oh, one thing I DID forget: The reason I mentioned Marshall getting his dream job. So he starts at the environmental firm. They're in the process of suing some big pharmaceutical firm for polluting Frog Lake and Marshall is all excited to be going to War. But then his boss settles for a paltry $24,000--and proceeds to have a huge party over it. Marshall is infuriated and is really killing the mood at the party, so his boss takes him in the office and reveals that there is no point in saving the planet because it is too late, so the best they can do is put on a brave front and make enough money to keep themselves in cake and paper hats while they wait to die.

Nonetheless, Marshall vows to go and Fight the Good Fight.

It does not go well.

But then his boss shows up and withdraws the initial settlement, leaving the boardroom with Marshall in tow. Marshall asks what's next and his boss says "We go to war."

In another episode, Marshall is heading into the office when he runs into an old buddy from law school who is down on his luck. Marshall offers to put in a good word for him and get him hired. But his buddy turns out to be an obnoxious tool who infuriates Marshall's boss (who, for some reason, is no longer Martin Short). Finally, the day of the trial arrives and who should be the pharmacorp's attorney? Marshall's old bro from law school--he used the job interview as a ruse to steal their legal strategy. Marshall's boss storms off, telling him he'd better win the case or he's fired. Things go badly for Marshall until he pulls off a brilliant maneuver and wins the case. But instead of being awarded $24 million, the judge only awards a settlement of $24,000. Marshall sidebars with the judge who reveals that he isn't going to ruin a good and profitable company over a few sick ducks. This leads Marshall to apply to become a judge, realizing that judges are the ones who have the real power for change.

Meanwhile, Lily...Lily is a kindergarten teacher. She has an art degree and she's always regretted never doing anything with it when, in another episode, she manages to win over The Captain, a rich nautical person--who happens to be Zoey's ex-husband--and he makes her his art buyer. Hilarity ensues. But eventually The Captain decides to send her to Italy to be his art buyer there for a year. Marshall and Lily make preparations for their sabbatical when Marshall's Mom finds out and demands a week to spend with her grandson, leaving Marshall to head to Minnesota for a week. While he's there he finds out he's been accepted for a judgeship--but he has to decide right away. And he can't be a New York judge from Italy. So, without consulting his wife, he agrees.

And NOW we're ready for the final season.
 

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OK. A lot happens. There are a lot of flashbacks. And given that the show is called "How I Met Your *Mother*", at some point we should meet The Mother. And we've seen her hinted at in a few times. For example, she was in Ted's first class as an architecture professor. Well, not really. She was taking economics and Ted was in the wrong lecture hall. She was there with her roommate, who later wound up dating Ted. But it fell apart because it turned out, without having met her, Ted was way more into her roommate, The Mother, than he was the girl he was dating. They both knew The Naked Man. And for years Ted had The Mother's yellow umbrella, getting it from a bar the morning after a St. Patrick's Day episode about karma. She gets it back when he is dating her roommate and he forgets it there. The roommate realizes she's a lesbian and The Mother plays bass. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

I'm also realizing it's going to be hard to pull the last season together into a readable synopsis--especially from memory.

I only got to see the final season all the way through this year--a decade after it was aired. It all takes place the day of Barney and Robin's wedding (except the last episode or so and some flashbacks). There's a subplot of Marshall trying to get there from Minnesota after missing his flight. And we've got to wrap up 7 or 8 seasons of hijinks that the creators never expected, so they had to stretch things out a bit. And they decided to stick with the original planned ending in spite of how the show grew organically over the years. I'm told the DVD has a revised ending as the default, but LaffTV airs the original ending. I actually don't have a problem with the original ending--so much. It's wrong. But Life is often Wrong. And it was about what I needed at this point in my life. Well for now I should be sleeping. Big day tomorrow. Well, another Friday. But I should at least try to be productive.

Oh! I also forgot to mention Barney has a gay black stepbrother and eventually meets his Dad (who is NOT Bob Barker).
 

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Since today was a bust for me, I might as well tackle the last season of HIMYM.

Before the wedding can happen, it needs to be planned. And Lily is all set to handle the task. Unfortunately so is Ted, much to Lily's annoyance. Lily is working on getting them a band for the reception while Ted maintains they should get a DJ. Lily drags him up on the roof to try to get to the bottom of why he's being difficult. Ted is evasive. Lily tells him it is because he doesn't want to be the most horrible person on the roof so she's going to give him an out: She says sometimes she doesn't want to be a mother; she just wants to leave. Ted admits he doesn't want Robin to marry Barney. They console each other and then head back down so Lily can book the wedding band.

Flash forward to the week of the wedding. Ted bumps into his ex-girlfriend-turned-lesbian and her partner and somehow the conversation turns to the wedding. Ted brags that they should've listened to him and hired a DJ because the band cancelled at the last minute before asking if they know any good wedding bands that are available on short notice. They look at each other and ask him if he believes in fate, because the ex-girlfriend's ex-roommate plays bass for the best wedding band in the tri-state area and they just had a cancellation for the week of the wedding. "And kids, if I'd have got my way and hired a DJ, I'd have never met your mother."

Time for everyone to get on the road to Long Island. By this point Ted has moved into a new apartment, Marshall and Lily have the old place above MacLaren's, and Lily's Dad, Mickey, has managed to burn down the house out on Long Island. OH! But in a different development, Ted's Mom got remarried to a flaky hippy named Clint. Ted had a freakout at the reception and bought a house on Long Island from an online auction, sight unseen. It was a horrible mistake, but he followed through and it is revealed to be the house where, in 2030, he is telling his kids the story of how he met their mother. But he's not living there.

OK. *now* time for everyone to get on the road. Barney and Robin are riding in Rajesh's limo (Rajesh was a cabbie in the first episode and has been a recurring character throughout the series). Lily is riding with Ted and Marshall is headed for the airport in Minneapolis. And at a train station in NYC, a girl with a guitar case and a yellow umbrella steps up to the ticket counter and we see The Mother for the first time.

Now they're all on the road. Ted is being Ted and driving Lily crazy to the point where she demands that he let her out at the train station so she can take a train the rest of the way. As Barney and Robin consider all the things that could go wrong with their wedding--including the ringbear. "Wait, did you say 'ringbearer' or 'ringbear'?"--they realize that they share a cousin (Barney is 1/4 Canadian). A series of frantic calls reveals they are only related by marriage and are not blood relatives so everything is good again.

Marshall is on the plane when his Mom posts to Facebook about him getting appointed to a judgeship. Marshall realizes that if Lily checks Facebook the cat will be out of the bag, so he calls his mom to have her delete the picture but she can't figure out how to. Marshall refuses to turn off the phone when the flight attendant goes by and in the ensuing disturbance, he and his seatmate, Daphne, the stereotypical TV sassy black woman, get kicked off the flight. The only other plane for NYC is at the other end of the terminal and they both miss it. So they make a dash for the rental car counter. Marshall is at a disadvantage. Not only does he have a child in tow, Daphne got a head start by chucking one of his bags into a restricted area. Daphne is way ahead in her line and the clerk in Marshall's line goes on break and up shuffles an octogenarian with coke bottle glasses. But karma smiles on Marshall and the guy turns out to be a fireball, burning through his line and leaving Marshall with the key for the last available car while Daphne is still in line. It is then that Marshall learns that he's got a gas guzzling behemoth based on the GM Hummer--and that they don't have any car seats. Daphne offers to rent the car, go to a nearby store to buy a car seat, and come back for him. Marshall thinks this is a great idea and even gives her money for the car seat. Time passes as Marshall sits on the curb, realizing he's been duped, when Daphne actually shows up and the road trip begins.

Lily is on the train by herself and she is not having a good time, when a young lady sitting near her with a guitar case and a yellow umbrella asks her if she's alright and offers her a cookie. The two bond as they share their stories, with The Mother realizing how much she has in common with Ted. "And that, kids, is how your Aunt Lily met your mother." Anyway, during the course of the train ride, Lily comes to realize Ted was being intentionally annoying to get rid of her because Ted is something of a gift-giving master. And he had learned that Robin had wanted to wear her grandmother's locket as the "something old" but had lost it--she'd buried it in Central Park and couldn't find it. She called Barney but he didn't come so she called Ted and Ted showed up to help her dig in the rain. They had eventually found the box--but it was empty. At this point Lily had told Ted that one drunken night Robin had dug up the locket and put it in Ted's pencil box. Lily realizes Ted's going to give Robin the locket and try to win her back. She gets to the inn and tackles Ted just as he is giving Robin a present ("kids, that would not be the last person your Aunt Lily would tackle that weekend") but it just turns out to be a framed picture of the whole gang from the night they met Robin.

Oh, and I have to backtrack for just a bit--Ted did briefly date one last girl before he met The Mother. She turned out to be batshit crazy. This is important to the story later.
 

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This season is tricky, because I really enjoy it, so I'm inclined to cover it in detail, but since this is an overview, I want to just hit the high points. But every episode kind of sets things up for upcoming episodes. Maybe some of those things aren't important for an overview, but they're fairly clever so I'd like to recognize them. Well, I'm also limited by my memory, so maybe I'll split the difference naturally.

So guest are arriving. Lily is checking into her room. Now, Marshall is a pseudoscience geek--Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster, etc. So when the gang is watching some basic cable Discovery/History/etc show about a ghost that haunts Room 13 of the Farhampton Inn, Marshall books that room--much to Lily's annoyance. Oh, I forgot to mention, after getting kicked off the plane, Marshall gets his Mom's logon info and tries to delete the post but can't--much to Daphne's amusement--but at the last second, as Lily is going to check her phone on the train, Marvin slaps the keyboard and somehow deletes the post. Still, when Lily calls him, enraged, Marshall is worried that she's found out. Luckily she's only annoyed with Room 13, which turns out to be a crappy room but any time she complains about something the staff blame it on the ghost.

Meanwhile there's a romantic lighthouse that guests make side trips to. Ted, as an architecture nerd, wants to go see the lighthouse, but the desk clerk won't give him the brochure because he's there stag and the place is far too romantic.

Barney's brother shows up and Barney tells everyone how happy he is for his brother, because his successful marriage has broken the Stinson Curse. After Barney leaves, James tells the gang that he and his husband are getting a divorce.

Lily is stressed by the whole event so she makes a deal with the bartender, Linus, that any time he sees her without a drink in her hand, he puts a drink in her hand.

Ted finds himself mysteriously on Barney's bad side--even though he's technically the best man. He has also brought along a 30 year old bottle of Glen McKenna Scotch to drink at an opportune time. The bottle he has isn't the one he bought. That one got broken by Lily and Robin, having a sword fight in the apartment. They tried to cover it up by putting the label on a cheap bottle of Scotch and then adding household ingredients like ketchup and hand sanitizer to try and get the color right. So Lily shoplifted a new bottle from the Farhampton liquor store. When Ted brings the bottle out to drink, Barney tells him he knows about him and Robin, causing Ted to drop the bottle.

When Robin couldn't find her locket, she called Barney, but he was busy, so she called Ted, who helped her dig in the rain by the carousel at Central Park and Barney saw him consoling her. So for a brief time "The Karate Kid" villain actor Billy Zabka is Barney's best man although eventually they patch things up.

Meanwhile, as they drive through a blizzard, Marshall and Daphne stop off at Ted's childhood home for the night. They're about to hit the road when Ted's Mom offers to dig out a bunch of embarrassing stuff about Ted for Marshall--including the time when Ted's best friend was a balloon. They decide this is worth waiting for. When they get back on the road, they return to bickering when they find Clint, Ted's hippy stepdad, has stowed away in the car to do "therapy" on them. Daphne and Marshall ultimately unite in their hatred and ridicule of Clint, who has a "blood attack" and demands they pull over so he can get out and meditate. While they're sitting there, Daphne tells Marshall that he's a pussy and that's the reason the Daphne's of the world get to pick the radio music while the Marshall's of the world pay all the tolls. To this, Marshall puts the car in gear and leaves Clint at the rest stop. A delighted Daphne decides this calls for music but Marshall stops her and says "We listen to MY music," putting in his road trip song from the old Fiero, The Proclaimers "(I'm Gonna Be) 500 Miles."

During the first night at the inn, Barney tries to hook Ted up with a hot bridesmaid, but against Barney's advice, Ted picks a girl who is destined to ruin his whole weekend. Barney also entrusts Ted with an autographed photo of hockey great, Wayne Gretsky, which winds up covered in Ted's calligraphy ink. Ted and Lily eventually track down Billy Zabka as the culprit for the "Zabkatoge" but ultimately Ted lets Billy off the hook, takes the blame, and says Billy saved the day by going to sports memorabilia place to get place for a replacement.

Marshall and Daphne seem to be bonding on their roadtrip until Marshall comes out of a gas station to an unhappy Daphne. She's just had a fight with her daughter, who is angry that she's going to miss her model UN speech at school. In fact she is so angry that she used Marshall's phone to text Lily about the judgeship.

So Marshall has to call in a "no questions asked" to get Ted to delete the text. Ted decides to break into Lily's room through the window and Lily briefly mistakes him for the ghost. While Ted is looking for the phone, he hears a voice from the AC duct and thinks it's the ghost. But it turns out to be Barney, who Marshall has also called in a favor on (Barney got the idea of using the ducts from the villain in "Die Hard.")(Barney tends to consider the villains the heroes in movies--and vice versa). While they're talking, room service shows up with a lot of expensive food. Lily goes down to the front desk to dispute this and Robin climbs out from under the cart's tablecloth--you guessed it, Marshall also called her. As they argue, they realize Lily probably has her phone on her. Barney and Robin are almost set to rush off on their own, but realize as a soon to be married couple, they need to communicate and work together. So they develop an overly complex and silly plan--only to find out Ted solved the problem by calling in a "no questions asked" from Lily and demanding she smash her phone. He calls Marshall to tell him his solution and asks why he didn't think of it. Marshall says he's never felt the need to keep anything from Lily...so he asks Ted to put her on and tells her about the judgeship. Lily makes it pretty clear there will be a big fight when Marshall finally gets there.

Gah. Some other stuff happens. The minister finds out Robin and Barney are horrible people and refuses to marry them--or let them use the church. But then he has a heart attack and dies. So they have the church, but no minister. At that time James' Dad shows up (Barney and James ultimately found out who their Dads were from their Mom)--who is an ordained minister. Barney's Dad also shows up and it turns out he and Loretta are on speaking terms--which causes Barney to hatch a scheme to get them back together. Meanwhile James has hatched a scheme to get *his* dad and their mom back together. Meanwhile Ted has *also* broken into the Farhampton liquor store to steal *another* bottle of Glen year old Glen McKenna which, after ending his fight with James over whose Dad gets to get back together with their Mom (btw Barney's Dad is happily married and has a family), the walk in on James' Dad and their Mom, making out, causing Barney to drop the expensive bottle of scotch.

More other stuff happens. Robin finds out her Mom's fear of flying made her miss her flight and she won't be at the wedding. This gives Robin angst and hiccups (when Lily attempts to stop her crying by scaring her) and so we get a story of how Barney met Ted's future wife. While accepting a series of challenges from Robin and Lily. As he wins challenge after challenge after challenge (pick up a girl while talking like a dolphin, pick up a girl wearing a trash bag and not using the letter "e", etc) the girls give up and tell Barney he's won. Barney says he doesn't want to win, he wants to play. So they send him for diapers and takeout--but since Barney says this sounds suspiciously more like an errand, they include picking up a girl. Meanwhile Ted and Marshall are at a Harlem Globetrotters game, rooting for the Generals. Marshall is trying to convince Ted to go after Robin, but Ted says it's a lost cause because Robin has made a decision and she never changes her mind. Meanwhile at the drugstore, Barney hits on The Mother. She shoots him down. But surmises the reason he feels the need to pick up random girls is because he's hurting over something good he had and screwed up. Barney says he's playing the game and The Mother asks him if he wants to play the game or if he wants to win. Barney replies that he wants to win. The Mother tells him this will be his most important Play ever and that it will take all his skill, effort and time.

After the game (the Globetrotters squeaked it out a nailbiter by, like 113 points), Ted sees Robin eating olives. Ted remembers that Robin hates olives and confronts her about this. Robin says "I guess I changed my mind." This makes Ted realize he still has a shot with Robin. And after all, he has plenty of time. Then we cut to Barney, opening to a blank page in The Play Book and writing in "The Robin"...

Robin and Barney's Mom become enemies, but when Loretta finds out her Mom won't be at the wedding, she insists Robin call her "Mom" and fences are mended.

Ted comes to Lily with his romantic problems and Lily tells him to just shut up, suck it up, and take the girl he's stuck with for the weekend up to the lighthouse, fall in love with her and live happily ever after. That doesn't work out, but at the end of the episode we get a "One Year Later..." card and we see Ted and The Mother at the lighthouse. The Mother totally gets it--and even says the exact words Ted said to the earlier girl. She then says she can't imagine how the day could be more perfect. To this Ted replies "I'm going to try," gets on his knee and pulls out a ring. Before he can say "will you marry me?" she says "YES! YES!"

Another flashback: When planning the wedding, Robin suggests that it be in Canada. After like, an hour of ridicule, they agree that it will be in New York. But Barney is known for his pranks and has become convinced that to get back at him, Robin will surprise him by having a Lazer Tag Rehearsal Dinner. (This episode starts with Barney handcuffed to a pipe at the security office of the Farhampton Lazer Tag facility with an enraged Robin nearby.) Everyone tries to dissuade him of this belief, but his mind is made up. So as things happen--like the ice machine at the hotel being broke--he sees it as steps in Robin's (nonexistent) plan. Meanwhile, Robin is getting more and more worried that Barney is going to screw up the rehearsal dinner. Sure enough, she gets a call that he's been arrested and has to go there to deal with the situation. While this is happening, Ted lets Lily in on a little secret... Back at the security office, Barney magically slips out of his handcuffs and produces a set of ice skates for Robin as it starts to snow in the office. The walls fall away to reveal that the building is actually an ice rink and Barney has organized a Canada themed rehearsal dinner for Robin.

OK. We're back in real time. Marshall has dropped Daphne off at her daughter's school. Daphne argues that this is pointless and he should just go to the wedding but Marshall makes her go in, repeating Daphne's words "kids don't care about logic, they care about who shows up." Daphne's daughter sees her in the audience and is thrilled. All is well. Marshall sneaks out to catch the next bus to Farhampton.
 

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On the bus, Marshall realizes he's lost Marvin's book of nursery rhymes--which is the only thing that will make him sleep--so he's forced to improvise rhymed stories about his friends. This is one of my favorite episodes, but the stories aren't important. The important thing is that the bus gets a flat. It looks like Marshall will miss the wedding. But he asks how far away the inn is. The bus driver says it is about 5 miles, so Marshall decides to walk.

This turns out to be a bad idea and as he begins to despair a van pulls over to offer him a ride. And that, kids, is how your Uncle Marshall met your Mother.

The Mother had a great band, but it got co-opted by an evil guy named...Derrick(?) His MO is to spread chaos by acting like an old friend to some people, learning about them, making them like him--and then throwing a bomb that pits them against each other. Back at the inn he proceeds to do this to Ted and Barney and Lily and Robin. The Mother is resigned that she has lost to him--"You can't beat The Devil"--but Lily convinced her to Aldrin Justice him by stealing his van. But because The Mother is The Mother, she's bringing the van back. And not only has she not peed in it a little like Marshall suggests, she's put gas in it. Well Marshall vows to at least mock, heckle, and insult the band's singer who, he says "eats skunk-junk," but The Mother disagrees with this because she does NOT eat skunk-junk. She's going to go back and fight for her band.

But it doesn't go well. You can't beat The Devil and it looks like Derrick is going to win--until The Gang is finally enjoying the bottle of 30 year old Glen McKenna (I forget where this one came from) and Derrick bumps into Ted just as he's pouring his glass, causing him to drop the bottle. So Ted decks him. This infuriates Derrick and he storms out of the inn, telling The Mother the best man just punched him and she can keep her stupid band (he'd been planning to replace her earlier). The Mother has Linus (the bartender) buy the best man a double of their finest scotch. As The Gang comes in from the veranda, Linus hands Ted his drink. Ted is amazed at how good it is, asks The Gang who bought it for him and no one knows, so he asks Linus what it is. Linus says it's 35 year old Glen McKenna. When they ask why he never told them the bar had 35 year old Glen McKenna, Linus says they only asked about the 30 year old.

Oh, Marshall has showed up. He and Lily will be having a big fight, but they have a thing where they can hit "pause" and wait on a fight while other things happen. After everyone goes to bed, they'll settle things.

BUT FIRST ANOTHER FLASHBACK: "How Your Mother Met Us." Episode starts with the first episode at MacLaren's, when a random girl in a booth gets a phone call and runs out of the bar, catches a cab, goes cross town, to ANOTHER MacLaren's. There, her friend, Tracy McConnell, is celebrating her 21st birthday. At this point they're only waiting on her boyfriend, Matt, but she figures out he's late because he took too long to get a birthday present--he always does this, but he also always picks the prefect gift. Finally she gets a call from Matt's phone and steps outside to talk. It is NOT Matt. It is the police. They have bad news. We see Tracy, back at their place, opening her present, a ukulele.

Years go by. Tracy can't put Matt behind her, but her roommate eventually ropes her into going out for St. Patrick's Day. They wind up at a bar Ted and Barney are at but she narrowly misses them when she meets an old music instructor. He's working with disadvantaged youth and always scrabbling for instruments so Tracy says he should come back to her place and get her old cello. When she comes back into the livingroom with the cello, she finds the guy naked--he is The Naked Man. And Tracy is the 3rd time that didn't work in the 2 out of 3 times it works every time. But he does put Tracy on course to end world poverty, which makes her go back to school for economics, ending up in a class taught by Ted on architecture--she was in the right classroom, Ted was not.

Later she comes out of the shower to find her new roommate crying. She's just broke up with her boyfriend. Tracy didn't realize she had a boyfriend, but she moves on. Who was it? That cute architecture professor who taught our Econ 301 class for 5 minutes. But he was far more interested in Tracy than in her. Tracy points out that she should've showed him her coin collection or her calligraphy set or her chainmail corset from the Renaissance Faire and that would've drove him off (Ted also loves all those things). But somehow, before the conversation is over, the roommate winds up kissing her--and ultimately realizes she's a lesbian.

While Tracy is looking for a new roommate, she meets a guy named Derrick who confesses he isn't really looking for a place, but he loves her band. She offers to have him onstage at their next show and while he at first demurs, he agrees (and eventually steals the band from her). After a gig, while Derrick is chatting up groupies by the stage door, Tracy lugs her amp to the van. Random hunky guy helps her load it into the van, they have a meet-cute, and wind up on a date. One thing leads to another and they date, but Tracy realizes she doesn't really love him. BUT he happen to have a vacation house in Farhampton so she has a place to stay for Barney and Robin's wedding. EXCEPT he surprises her by being there. With a ring. Asking her to marry him. She begs off and goes out onto the porch to talk to Matt and ask if it is time fro her to move on. She realizes Matt cannot answer--until a gust of wind blows at her and she says her final goodbye to the love of her life, goes in and tells hunky random dude that she cannot marry him. She heads back to the Farhampton Inn (she's already met Marshall and bought Ted a drink, IIRC) and finds out there is a vacant room because the mother of the Bride never showed up. She settles in, opens her guitar case, and unwraps a smaller package next to the bass--the uke Matt gave her. She goes out onto the balcony to play it. As it happens, her room is right next to Ted's and "kids, I must've heard your mother's rendition of 'La Vie un Rose' a million times--when she was tucking you in, for instance, but on that balcony, that first time...that will always be my favorite." Ted turns to tell Barney about it--only to find Barney's cot empty (and I realize I'm out of order and need to go back for a story). But first:
 

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OK. Gotta go to bed. What else? Lily and Marshall's fight. Truth-Drunk Barney. Ted and Robin, looking for Barney. Finally finding him and trying to sober him up. The wedding. Ted, after the wedding. Ted and Tracy. The much-disputed series finale. The Slap-Bet Legend is a fun episode, but I don't know that it advances the plot. I think that gets me to the end.

Oh, fuck it. Why not?

Marshall and Lily are on "pause." They will not have their fight until bedtime. So Marshall realizes if he can just make bedtime never happen, he will avoid his fight. So he buys round after round after round. Now it turns out Barney has levels of drunkenness. Richard Dawson drunk, where he goes around kissing random girls on the mouth like the opening of "Family Feud". Bad Idea Drunk. Jabba Drunk--where he is so drunk he talks like Jabba the Hutt. But as Lily finally drags Marshall off, Barney slips into an new level of drunk--Truth Serum Drunk. He answers all questions truthfully. Robin and Ted question him on a number of things. Hilarity ensues. We're just about to find out if Barney is bringing a dangerous bear into the wedding instead of a ringbearer when Marshall pops in. Lily wants sweet, sweet loving before she "unpauses" and he's decided that if he can bone his wife to sleep, he can put off the fight. He wants to see if Barney has any pills that will help with this endeavor.

Robin and Ted find out all the things they need to learn from Barney--including that the ringbear is named Trevor Hudson and he is a sweet kid whose mother Barney knows. Robin entrusts her groom to Ted, who brings him back to a cot in his room to sleep it off, but while Ted is listening to The Mother sing and play from the balcony next door, Barney gets up and shuffles out of the room.

Marshall bones his wife to sleep, but then, as he leaves the bathroom, where he has been congratulating himself, he steps on one of Marvin's toys, waking Lily up. She says "unpause" and they prepare to have their fight.

The episode ends with a guy dragging a chain through a dungeon and saying "Let's go, Trever Hudson, it's feeding time."
 

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Shit, there's a lot that happens in this goddamned weekend. Let's get Marshall and Lily's fight out of the way first (although as I type this, I realize this opens up a whole other episode that requires summarizing). Lily is pissed that Marshall made such a big decision without consulting her. Marshall points out he had to give the bar an answer on the spot. Lily says she'd never go behind his back and hurt him this way. Marshall points out that she left him to live in San Francisco for an art program. "LAWYERED!" Hurt and angry, Lily storms out of the room. Marshall congratulates himself on his victory before being confronted by a series of ghosts--various Lily's, his Dad, etc--who point out that he is winning the battle while losing the war.

Meanwhile Ted has lost Barney. A pair of 20something losers shuffle down the street, angry, horny, and frustrated at striking out with women, when a shadow stumbles towards them. They wonder if they've wandered into a zombie movie when the shadow turns out to be lethally drunk Barney. Hey eyes them up, smells their Drakkar Noir. Pukes on their shoes, and resolves to teach them how to score with the ladies.

First he teaches them about strip clubs. Then he teaches them about suits. Then he teaches them "Haaave you met Ted?" Then he stumbles off into the sunset, like the Lone Ranger, leaving them with a stack of cocktail napkins with The Play Book written on them.
 

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Meanwhile, Robin and Ted have noticed Barney is missing, so they head out together to look for him. Before this we get a flashback to Young Ted, when he had a balloon for a best friend. But one day he got distracted and let go of the string and the balloon floated away.

As they look, Robin asks if Ted has ever got in touch with Stella. Ted says he has not. That is a lie. Because when Ted found out from Lily that Robin's locket had been in his pencil box, he tried to track it down. Stella moved to LA, where Tony found success as a screenwriter, with "The Wedding Bride," a fictionalized account of Stella's life. Stella doesn't remember the locket but says if she had it, it would be in a storage locker she doesn't have time to dig through. So creepy-ass Ted flew out to LA to rummage through a storage locker to try to make Robin happy.

They look around some more and Robin asks if he's every talked to Victoria. He says he has not. That is a lie. He called Victoria up to ask her about the locket. She says she's wearing it as they talk. And agrees to FedEx it to him.

When Ted calls up to track the locket, which he hasn't received, they tell him it was signed for by his "wife," who turns out to be the batshit crazy girl he dated last. Ted manages to convince her to meet him in Central Park and pleads for the locket, but in the end Crazy Girl drops the locket off the bridge.

As Ted watches the locket fall in slow motion, we get a flashback to Young Ted, watching his Best Friend Balloon float away. In the present, Ted confesses his love for Robin, asks if he should've kissed her on their first date (he should've, dammit), and tells her that he broke up with Victoria over her. He lets go of her hand and Robin floats away like a balloon.
 

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Eventually, Robin and Ted find Barney, comatose in the inn. Best efforts to revive him fail. They remember a magic hangover cure Barney has used on each of them, but no one knows the secret ingredient. Ted and Marshall set out to gather the other ingredients while Robin and Lily attempt to revive Barney enough to learn the secret ingredient. Long story short, they both succeed. Robin and Lily have to full-on make out to rouse Barney. Lily's dream is fulfilled. And she is nowhere near as excited by it as Robin. But! Bottom line, Barney's hangover cure is a placebo. There is no secret ingredient except love for his friends. So when Barney finally recovers, they make up their own lie, that they ran the "Weekend at Barney's" play and totally fooled the Barnacle's Father In Law for the wedding photos, when in reality, he got disgusted and kicked unconscious Barney in the nuts.
 

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So. Lily storms off. She gets in a random limo. It is a mystery. They limo turns out to be The Captain's. Ted and The Mother are back at the Farhampton Inn in the off-season and realize they are an "old married couple," since they know all of each other's stories. Still, Ted stumbles on a story of how Robin broke a lamp on her wedding day that Tracy doesn't remember.

She was playing hockey with her sister (who we've never seen before and will never see again) and broke a lamp. More importantly, Lily is annoyed that Robin hasn't had a freakout about getting married. I forget what else happens. "The Wedding Bride Too" is on payperview and they all sit down to watch that. But they run out of ice. When Robin goes for more, she bumps into...her mother. She managed to overcome her fear of flying and make it to the wedding. By now Tracy has realized she's heard this story before but plays along with Ted's "surprise ending." Even so, she points out that the ending isn't much of a surprise, because what mother would miss her daughter's wedding. In response to this Ted looks at her and totally loses it. Foreshadowing?

Next up, Robin and Lily bond with Robin's Mom, who tells stories of Robin's Dad that make her feel that she is marrying her Dad. Emotionally distant? Check. Promiscuous? Check. Lots of other things I forget? Check. Disappears mysteriously the day of the wedding to TCB? No. No, wait. Because Robin gets a call. Barney has to go TCB.

See, Marshall has found out that when Lily stormed out after their fight, she went to The Captain's house. So he, Ted, Barney, and Karate Kid Bad Boy Billy Zabka head off to beat some sense into The Captain. Marshall challenges The Captain to a duel, pointing out he's had a play-fight with real swords at least twice, to which The Captain points out he's a gold medal Olympic fencer. Luckly Ted cracks the case.

Ted didn't run Lily off--she wanted to escape to the train. Because she's taken up smoking again (all the gang are ex-smokers and they all have had occasional relapses). By the time Marshall is back, she's out of cigarettes, so she heads to the quick-e-mart for more--but needs a place to smoke them. Lacking a better place, she calls on The Captain. BUT! Because she also doesn't want The Captain to know she's a smoker, she heads straight to the bathroom. Since Lily is (apparently) an environmentalist, she can't just throw the butt out, so she will have planted it in the soil of the daisy in The Captain's bathroom. As everyone else congratulates Ted on his brilliant deduction, they bring him the daisy and he digs from the soil... a positive pregnancy test. She and Marshall are going to have a daughter.


****
So. The wedding. Barney has a freakout--it ends when Marshall slaps him--the last slap of the Slap Bet. Robin has a freakout over her lost locket. If Barney was really the right man for her, he would've found her locket. At this point we learn that after Crazy Bitch dropped the locket in the stream/pond, Ted fished it out. Ted takes the locket to Barney and says he has to give it to Robin.

Later Robin takes Ted aside and asks him how Barney found the locket. Ted cooks up a romantic lie--which fails to impress Robin, because it was a trap. Barney also had a (different) romantic lie (Ted should've seen that coming) and says she should really be marrying Ted, not Barney. At this point, Robin tries to climb out the window and escape but runs into The Mother, who somehow manages to talk her back into marrying Barney.

So things are good. The wedding is happening. People say "I do." But Ted is miserable. He's decided New York has failed him. Back during the Globetrotters game, he was offered a job in Chicago and he plans to take it. He says his goodbyes to The Gang and slips off during the reception--in spite of Barney's attempts to hook him up with The Mother.

We see a forlorn Ted in a tux at the Farhampton train station in the rain. An old biddy asks him what's going on. At first Ted demurs, but eventually spills the beans. At this point the biddy points to a girl at the train station with her guitar case and yellow umbrella and urges him to go talk to her. He does. Ultimately they have a date.

Ted and Tracy are perfect for each other. Shockingly , Barney and Robin fall apart. After 3 years or so, they have an amicable divorce. Robin is too busy as a Star Reporter to be shackled to anyone. And she can't bear being around the insanely happy Tracy and Ted. But then Tracy gets sick. The kind of sick you don't get better from. And it is just Ted and the kids. So, in 2030, he feels he needs to tell them how he met their mother.

The kids are having none of this. Mom's been dead over 5 years. And she barely figured into the story. Ted's whole purpose was to ask them permission to pursue Aunt Robin. Ted at first denies this, but they are emphatic in their approval so... Ted shows up at an apartment with a blue French horn. Robin looks out the window with her convenient new pack of dogs, and invites him up. Oh, and as a consolation prize, Barney knocked some chick up and so now he has a daughter.

Thus ends the series. I have some commentary on it, but it will have to wait for now.
 

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Oh, I should mention that, when we get the reveal that Lily suspected she was pregnant and asked Linus the bartender to put a drink in her hand any time he saw her without a drink in her hand, she specified that it be nonalcoholic. Although that really doesn't make sense. Was she worried about being dehydrated? I think it's just one of those things the writers thought would be funny and then when they wrote themselves into a corner they retconned it.

[edit: Never mind. Googled it. The thinking is, if she always has a drink in her hand, no one will buy her a drink--so she won't have to explain why she isn't consuming alcohol at the wedding.]
 

CaptainWacky

I want to smell dark matter
Watching a Murder, She Wrote where Neil Patrick Harris is a grocery boy accused of murder. I've probably already seen it.
 

Mirah

I love you
And here I thought this thread was really going to be about how Volpone met his baby mamma and this was a letter to his grand kids.

Hmm

What is the deal with How I met your father? Same sort of show?
 

Volpone

Zombie Hunter
OK. We've got the series overview out of the way. A few high-level production observations: The show has a laff track. It isn't filmed before a studio audience. The episodes are often complex, with set changes, location shoots, flashbacks (that involve hair and makeup changes for the main cast) and other stuff that makes it wildly impractical to shoot an episode live. This will likely come up if I decide to look at specific episodes.

The other thing that interests me is that, while the main characters are 5-10 years younger than me, the writers are pretty clearly about 5 years older than me. So I relate to the characters. (And old people don't see themselves as old, so seeing characters that are supposed to be younger than you make "Revenge of the Nerds" references validates your views.)

There's probably other things I want to cover, but this should do for now. Also, RIP Bob Saget, voice of Future 2030 Ted. :(
 
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