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Other secrets about Potter Characters revealed

headvoid

headvoid

Can I have Ops?
Sirius Black has alopecia and has to wear a wig - be nice to bald people ok?

Lord Voldermort is an agrophobic and functioning cleaning obsessive - this has lead to his rather palid complection from scrubbing too much - try and understand this people ok?

More...
 
THE AUTHOR IS A MONEY-GRUBBING PUBLICITY WHORE OMG

Hagrid actually has acute gynecomastia - that's the real reason he's always wearing heavy clothes and never shaves his beard.

Professor Snape really is gay, but he's keeping it a secret because he wants to stem the tide of Snape/Malfoy slash erotica that welled up into the thousands of stories per month shortly following the release of the first book.

Professor MacGonagall usually changes into a cat so she has an excuse to rub her midsection against Dumbledore.
 
Cho Chang was a boy in disguise.

LOL POTTER & CEDRIC = GHEYPWNED
 
Lucius Malfoy is straight.
 
Ron knew Scabbers was Peter Pettrelli (or whatever) all along but didn't tell anyone because the secret thought of Harry being murdered gave him a grubby little erection.
 
Hagrid and Hermione are twins. Their mother took one look at Hagrid and decided to keep Hermione locked up in her womb for "AS LONG AS IT TAKES!" she often screamed at her husband.

Harry and Ron opened a "novelty" wand shop in a strip mall.
 
Professor Grubbly-Plank is a rapist.
 
The planet that the stories take place is not Earth, but Alderon, 500 years before the Star Wars stories take place.

THEY'RE ALL GONE!
 
Winky the house-elf was originally going to be a retard and Rowling actually used the word "retard" to describe her 8 times in the book, before her editor pointed out it was offensive.
 
Hermoine Granger would grow up to be KATHRYN JANEWAY.
 
Eggs Mayonnaise said:
The planet that the stories take place is not Earth, but Alderon, 500 years before the Star Wars stories take place.

THEY'RE ALL GONE!
Click to expand...


Wrong. Hogwarts, and all the secret magical places are actually inside MIDDLE EARTH. The Potter books take place 1500 years after Lord of The Rings.

Dumbeldore has the skeletal remains of Frodo, and Gandalf posed in 69 position inside a glass coffee table in a secret room. The same secret room he used to have WIZARD BUTT SEX. This room is strangely enough called "The Secret Wizard Butt Sex Room."
 
Harry and Ron opened a novelty "wand" shop in a "strip mall."
 
OK, that was weird...

POLYJUICE POTION IS PEOPLE!!! PEOPLE!!!!
 
Dumbledore's Phoenix was actually Harry's mothers soul or Phoenix form, somehow.
 
FBI parte due said:
Harry and Ron opened a novelty "wand" shop in a "strip mall."
Click to expand...

DAMMIT! I put the quotes around the "wrong" word :rwmad:
 
THE COMEDY WAS EFFECTIVE NONETHELESS.

JK Rowling stopped at 7 books because, upon starting the 8th, she soon had Harry impregnating Ginny, Hermoine giving Ron some Slavic strain of clap from Viktor Krum, and Neville committing suicide by erotic auto-asphyxiation.

She put down the tequila bottle and said, "Ya know what? I'm rich enough."
 
All the Weasley's wands are HUGE.

Delores Umbridge has a vibrating wand.

Lucius Malfoy has a hidden compartment in his walking stick.. NO ONE KNOWS WHAT HE KEEPS IN THERE (not even Lucius)

Mad-Eye Moody's eye isn't mad, its feelings are hurt.

Neville Longbottom has a long bottom.
 
Cho Chang eats bricks.
 
Rowena Ravenclaw and Helga Hufflepuff never existed.

Godric Gryffindor and Salazar Slytherin got bored fighting each other, and just made them up so they'd have 2 other houses to corral the loser wizards, and obliterate them in all competitions.
 
The Bloody Baron raped the shit out of the Grey Lady before killing her.
 
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