Ouch! Interviews


Something Wicked
WordForge Administrator tells all... well sort of!

In an on-going effort to bring new and interesting features, missmanners has landed an interview with Elwood, one of WordForge's Administrators. Read all about his Internet career and his rise to power and ultimate fame. Then read what others are saying ...

missmanners: When and how did you discover message boards and what was the first one you posted on?

Elwood: It all started right before Enterprise first premiered. A friend showed me the message board over at Trekweb. I posted over there a few times, but I wanted to see what else was out there. Google led me to TrekBBS and the rest is history.

missmanners: Do you remember your first post?

Elwood: Sorry, no.

missmanners: How did you pick you username?

Elwood: It's the fault of the friend I mentioned earlier. I forget his username at Trekweb, but it was something related to The Blues Brothers. The two of us have been friends since elementary school and we've always liked that movie. So, I thought it was fitting.

missmanners: Have you had any other usernames?

Elwood: None that I used regularly. I had one dual at TrekBBS I used for lurking after my username was banned.

missmanners: Besides Word Forge, what other communities have you joined?

Elwood: The only places I've ever posted were TrekWeb, TrekBBS, TK, WF, and Terran.

missmanners: Have you been at Word Forge since the beginning?

Elwood:I think I actually joined WF on it's third day. For some reason or another I was away from TrekBBS for a few days and I didn't get the invitation PM on WF's first day.

missmanners: And what prompted you to join?

Elwood: I'll admit it, I grew to like most of the people that posted in TNZ and I wanted to go where they went.

missmanners: Describe your rise through the ranks to Administrator.

Elwood: It was a whirlwind. I just wanted to help. Contrary to popular belief, there is no god complex or power trip involved. I get plenty of that in real life. I started out as a chat operator and then Cass asked me to help out in The Blue Room. I couldn't say no. I always have a hard time saying no when someone asks me to help. That's one of my failures.

I guess I was The Blue Room's moderator for about three months. Borgs was promoted to Administrator and Cass asked me to take his place in The Red Room. After that we decided that we needed another Super Moderator to watch over the board while Cass and Borgs slept. I was tapped and I served there until shortly before Cass left on her trip. Right before she left she asked me to step up and help Borgs run the board while she was away. But then she decided to sell the board to Borgs and he thought I was doing a good job so he allowed me to stay onboard.

missmanners: Do you feel the potential for unrest (so to speak) at TNZ with the new rules will mean a growing member ship for WF? Explain.

Elwood: I honestly don't know. Pretty much everyone that's active at TrekBBS' TNZ knows about WF. We have seen some growth because of that, but not a whole lot. I think we're trying to move away from trying to "steal" TrekBBS' members. There are millions, if not billions, of people who use the Internet every day. I want to see some new faces. Almost everyone is welcome at WF and I'll take almost anyone from almost anywhere.

missmanners: At what point, if ever, do you think WF might have too many members?

Elwood: It will probably never happen. But, I'll think WF will be to big for it's britches when we're ranked number one at Big-Boards.com.

missmanners: What's the most difficult decision you've had to make as a mod or admin. One you can talk about.

Elwood: The most difficult decision I had to make was during a time when we were looking at who on the staff should stay and who should be let go. I really liked everyone on the staff at that time. I hated to have to let some of them go, but I put a lot of thought into it and I tried to do what I felt was best for the board.

missmanners: What three changes would you like to see at WF?

Elwood: I would like to see more consistent and more interesting content. But, that's as much my fault as anyone else's. I don't start nearly enough interesting threads.

I would like to see TrekBBS' impact on WF diminish. We're all offshoots of TrekBBS and it will always cause some discussion and controversy, but I'd like to see The Gray Room turn into something more than just a dog-pile on their every action. There are millions of websites out there to complain about, not just TrekBBS.

But, the biggest change I want to see is new faces. My hope is that by generating interesting content and finding some sort of niche we can bring that to fruition.

missmanners: What about the person behind the Elwood handle? (I'm looking for a RL bio and interests, without identifying details)

Elwood: Well, I've been a cop for almost nine years. I tend to let my job dictate who I am. I'm a crack shot. That's why I'm the sniper on my department's S.W.A.T. team. I probably fire more rounds in a month than most Wordforgers have in their whole lifetimes.

But, when I'm not on the clock I'm just your average Joe. I'm a huge sports fan. I love hunting, fishing, camping, and just being outside.

What some people don't know is that my tendency to be a pack rat has made me some sort of collector. I collect patches (mainly police, military, and those affiliated with the Boy Scouts of America) and badges I'm also an avid model railroader and train spotter.

missmanners: What's a nice single southern gentleman like you doing hanging around the net when there are fish to catch and women to chase? (snicker)

Elwood: It's my inner geek crying to get out. As for women, well, there are lots of pretty ones out there. But, when my ex left me I was deeply hurt. I still haven't recovered from it and I honestly have no desire to start another serious relationship right now.

missmanners: Would you feel comfortable at a WF meet-up? Why? Why not?

Elwood: Sure, I would attend if I had time in my now hectic schedule. I've never met a stranger and I'd share a beer with just about anyone. All I ask is not to be treated any different from anyone else because of my position.

missmanners: Boxers or briefs?

Elwood: Either boxerbriefs or commando.

Thank you Elwood!

And now what people are saying about Elwood...

Baba: "Elwood is the complete opposite of Borgs. He is a people friendly type of guy. He is the best manager of a site. Elwood ultimate cool guy. (rep me Elwood?)"

Ancalagon: "Elwood is honest and thoughtful. He isn't someone to shoot from the hip. As an administrator he is the best at Wordforge, and the best I have encountered on the web.."

The Listkeeper: "Hmmmm. What is there to say about Elwood? He's Elwoody!"

TK member who wishes to remain anonymous: "That boozy old swine Elwood? Hell, he's been knocking around a while that one, and he's still speaking a whole lotta smack.

I remember one time when Borgs was seeing this really grim looking chick, and some joker posted her picture here. Poor old Borgs then said he'd split up with her.

If only that poor sap knew that desperate Elwood had bedded that lab monkey in human clothing. Sure, he had to use Rohypnol to do it, but that didn't hold him back.

Borgs has never been the same since. Wandering from board to board like a nomadic human sandwich board fervently promoting Word Forge. Elwood didn't just rape one bitch that night - he fucked Borgs like a cheap Chinese whore too!"

Another TK dual: "I hardly know Elwood. I have seen him at WF & in WF chat. He always seemed fair to me at the WF message board, but a bit indifferent in the chat. He used to side a lot with T'Bonz in her attempt to always accuse me of being Daystrom if I didn't immediately announce who I was.


Something Wicked
Who is Number_6 really?

We may never really know, after all this is Troll Kingdom, but Henoch brings his own brand of humor to the questions, and Number_6 answers them with as much candor as we can expect around here.

Henoch: Do you like your job as a English professor?

Number_6: Some days. A lot of it depends upon the students, and whether or not my fellow faculty members are butting their nose into my curriculum or not. If the students are interested, and no one is trying to get me to teach left-wing propaganda in my classroom, I’m generally pretty happy.

One thing I don’t like is having to teach every single student how to write a paper in every single class I teach, freshmen, sophomores, juniors, seniors and graduate students. I wish the grammar schools and high schools would do a better job of prepping these kids for college. My literature classes are generally too large to teach writing in any meaningful way, and I resent having to set aside teaching literature to stop and address basic writing problems.

However, when the students really connect with a piece of literature or a film, the connections we forge are very rewarding. I’d like to think I’ve made a difference in a few people’s lives by introducing them to works they wouldn’t have encountered otherwise. Actually, judging from RateMyProfessor.com and my student evals, I can see that I have. I'm proud of that, and I don't mind saying so, even if it is a bit immodest.

Henoch: If you had to choose a profession other than a professor, what would it be?

Number_6: A vintner. No question about it. If not, I’d own a wine store with a wine bar attached.

Henoch: Tell us one thing about yourself that we do not already know.

Number_6: I’m not sure what all has come out in conversation around here or on the other boards. If you want something shameful, I’ll admit to having voted for Dukakis in 1988. And I think the French make better wine than we do. And cheese.

I’m twice married, once divorced. Have I mentioned that before? I know some people know that, but I don't think it's common knowledge.

Henoch: Favorite color?

Number_6: Blue—royal verging on midnight.

Henoch: Any hobbies?

Number_6: Wine, cinema, electric bass, working out, PS2 (and, if I’m lucky, X-Box 360, sometime around X-Mas). Oh, and coffee. It’s not just a drink. Reading, of course, but I get paid for that, so it's not really a hobby.

Henoch: What is the one thing you dislike about TK & would change if given the opportunity?

Number_6: Spam where it isn’t appropriate. I wish we could do a better job of carrying on serious conversations, though we are getting better. The ComicCon idiots are doing their best to ruin that, and if I were in charge, I’d probably move the bulk of their posts to the Mine Field.

Henoch: Ginger, Maryanne or Mrs. Howell?

Number_6: MARY ANNE. God, yes, Mary Anne. I can remember watching that when I was like 5 or 6 years old, and knowing that I wanted to do something with Mary Anne that involved both her and I being naked. A couple of years later, I learned what that was, and thought about it with some frequency.

Henoch: Favorite film?

Number_6: For intellectual and emotional stimulation, Trois Couleurs Rouge or Trois Couleurs Bleu. For pure fun, Local Hero.

Henoch: Favorite CD?

Number_6: The Who – Quadrophenia. Entwistle’s bass playing is incredible. R.I.P., John. Brubeck's Time Out, Coltrane's Giant Steps and Koop's Waltz for Koop. And The Jam's Sound Affects. I've never understood why Paul Weller didn't make it in the States like he did in the U.K.

Henoch: Star Wars or Star Trek?

Number_6: Star Trek. The Original Series and Deep Space Nine, in that order, with Next Generation trailing a distant third. That show just didn’t age well, and the preachy, pat answers get irritating. Enterprise fourth, and that shitfest Voyager fifth.

Henoch: IYO, has Michael Jackson molested little boys?

Number_6: Definitely. Sorry, Menty. I know some of the accusations were bullshit, but there are just too many of them to discount them all.

Henoch: How many kids do you have & what is your biggest concern in life for them?

Number_6: No kids yet. I’m not sure whether there will be any. My biggest concern would be their education. The American school system is totally fucked up, and in so many different ways.

Henoch: Does your wife post on message boards?

Number_6: No, though she’s considered it. She was supposed to write some parodies of the insane, feminist rants of Michele Erica Green over at TrekPMS, but then the board went belly-up.

Henoch: Do you get along with your mother-in-law?

Number_6: Yes. We get along pretty well. She’s a very easy person to get along with.

Henoch: Ever considered starting your own message board/website?

Number_6: I started TrekDisUnited and TrekPMS, which some people knew and others didn’t. As for starting a serious board, I can barely keep up with the ones that already exist. Perhaps when TrekBBS dies . . .

Actually, I think that this would be a good time for TrekPMS to gasp its way back to life, given the TNZ situation, but it takes a committed group of 10-15 people at least to keep the parody going.

Henoch: Favorite foods?

Number_6: I like Greek food best, though I don’t eat lamb. Indian food second, particularly Tandoori. As far as specific stuff, I have an unhealthy (and expensive) addiction to Starbuck’s maple oat nut scones, and I never say no to jambalaya, especially with shrimp and/or scallops.

Henoch: What do you think happens to us after we die? Heaven, hell, afterlife of any kind?

Number_6: I have no idea. I’d like to think there’s more to reality than material existence, but I’m also a very empirically-minded person. I prefer existence to non-existence, so I’m hoping.

I would imagine that someday my existential angst will lead me to explore some aspect of spirituality, but so far, I haven’t found anything that does it for me.

Henoch: Least favorite forum at TK?

Number_6: Either the Mine Field or Daycare. I rarely go into either, though I occasionally get a laugh in both. But neither really provide what I log onto the internet for.

Although, actually, as I think about it, I’ve never gone into the Wrestling forum. This may make me some enemies, but I fucking hate wrestling.

Henoch: Do you post at other message boards, and if so, which ones?

Number_6: Wordforge, TrekBBS, GTC’s “Secret†Board, and occasional trolling ventures on other boards. I’ve posted on ExIsle in the past, but that place bugs me for so many reasons. I’ve made a couple of posts at TrekWeb, and used to post there more back in 1999-2000.

Henoch: Are you racist?

Number_6: No. I don’t necessary approve of various subcultures that are associated with certain races—like gangsta culture—but it has nothing to do with race. I hate the misogyny and the glorification of violence. And the goddamned thumping bass that violates my space.

Human beings are human beings. Bad behavior is what pisses me off, white, black, brown, gay, straight, whatever.

Henoch: Any pets?

Number_6: Three cats. Two female, one male.

Henoch: Favorite alcoholic beverage?

Number_6: Just one? I guess if you told me I could only drink one thing for the rest of my life, I’d probably go with wine. Of course, that means I wouldn’t be able to drink Scotch . . . or gin . . .

Can I just say all of them, except for Campari? Oh, and peppermint schnapps. There was . . . an incident.

Henoch: Your willingness to voice your opinions at WF seems to be causing conflict, why?

Number_6: First of all, because I’m considered right-wing, and that puts me on the radar of many of the Wordforgers. Before I did anything over there save say “Hello,†Cass started in on me. I also present my opinions in a far more assertive manner than many, something that a lot of the thin-skinned crowd has problems with.

Of course, there’s also the fact that I started my tenure at Wordforge first by gunning for garamet in her “Any man’s death†thread and then telling Cass what a stupid cunt I thought she was. Basically, I went in there, both guns blazing for about 6-7 hours right after registering. I took no prisoners, and I kicked some asses, modesty aside. I think faceman still has some latent hostility from that period, hence his odd responses to me over here at times.

I seem to be doing better over there, but I still don’t give a fuck about their rules, and I’m waiting for them to start making TrekBBS-style mistakes.

Henoch: Qualities you admire in people?

Number_6: Honesty, the ability to think critically and independently, loyalty, bravery—the standard stuff, plus the things you’d expect me to admire as an academic. Well, as a right-leaning academic.

Henoch: Qualities you detest in people?

Number_6: Disloyalty, lying, willful ignorance, ideological blindness. Oh, and the inability to wield power gracefully. (Hi, T’Bonz!)


Something Wicked
Red Wacker Speaks Out.....

by Henoch

Once again Henoch has landed the interview no one else could get. Those who stayed up late at night and wondered, "Who is Red Whacker?", will finally have some answers. Red Whacker answers questions candidly and with the same ol' Red humor we've all come to love and hate.

Henoch: Hello Red Whacker!

Have you been paid, bribed, coereced, blackmailed or been promised sexual favors in exchange for doing this interview?

Red Whacker: Of course not, and you wouldn’t need to I’m a STRAIGHT and honest guy.

Henoch: I'll get right to the point...

Aren't all straight men just a little gay & think about playing with another man's penis every now & then?

Red Whacker: Fortunately, the threat of eternal damnation keeps us straight dudes from committing such an unforgivable sin.

Henoch: What do you think of the current state of TrekBBS, particularly TNZ forum?

Red Whacker: Well TrekBBS is the best message board to discuss everything Star Trek related; unfortunately, the administration is a cesspool of auto generating problems. In my opinion, one way to solve their problems would be if the administration actually started to apply the rules without posturing about the fact that they are applying the rules. As for TNZ, I honestly don’t see the point of having two Misc forums.

Henoch: How is the money situation these days, have you fully recovered from financial distress?

Red Whacker: Things are great!!!

Btw, do have any spare cash you’d be able to donate? It’s for a very Secretive TK Project that you’ll never know what it is about.

Henoch: I am NOT judging you, but I have to ask...Are you ashamed of asking for & accepting cash donations at TK?

And what of those false promises to repay those who were generous & naive enough to trust you?

Red Whacker: Not really, I mean there was a real intent on revamping all that TK represented at that time. However, immaturely on my behalf, I allowed aspects of my real life to start managing my persona, thus allowing things to transpire as they did.

As for being ashamed, why should I be? The money went to the greatest online cause ever in existence. Me.

Henoch: Do you feel others at TK are quick to judge you without having full knowledge of the facts?

Red Whacker: It’s the nature of the beast. The idea behind TK has always been about saying what you want, to whomever you want, whichever way you want. I’m glad it’s something exercised daily at TK.

Henoch: Do you regret giving TK up?

Red Whacker: You know I never actually gave TK up; it rather gave up on me. I don’t blame the situation though; I understand how some people could’ve seen me as an unstable element in the TK administration.

Henoch: What is your most stressful online experience & how did you handle it?

Red Whacker: My only online stressful experience was when Morn de Lorian killed himself thanks to Lisa’s inaction (true story). That’s when I lost it and tried killing TK (ezboard deletion).

Henoch: You started TK & in its prime it was, well...legendary! Any comments?

Red Whacker: Well back then, the guys and I used to shoot first and ask questions later. An excellent example is when Robl and me gave Skinofevil his own forum and made him an overnight star. Big deal you say, well yeah, but back then, everyone thought he was some sort of overweight perverted deadbeat picking out dorito crumbs from his belly button while masturbating to bajoran rape fantasies, we didn’t know he was some sort of comic celebrity.

Henoch: Many consider TK to be irrelevant & inconsequential these days, any hope left at all IYO??

Red Whacker: Going back to basics would be fun, but I doubt the current TK administration would step back and allow others to run the show.

Henoch: I recall seeing your pic posted online a few years ago, you're kind of HOT! I think I may have wanked to your pic! Does that bother you that another guy thinks you are attractive & perhaps a stud muffin?

Red Whacker: At first, it used to bother me, but over the years, I’ve grown used to being a gay magnet.

Henoch: What do you think of missmanners, any animosity towards her?

Red Whacker: She’s an excellent person, I just hope that one day she’ll be able to let go of all of this, I noticed that she has that bit of control freakiness we’ve seen in others.

Henoch: You still browse TK quite often, why? Is it hard to let go?

Red Whacker: It’s because I’m still a member of The Coffee Room forum.

Henoch: Any future plans that may be of interest to TKers? A new RW bbs or Website in the works??

Red Whacker: You know it’s as if every now and then I get these crazy ideas for the internet, like when I came up with Troll Kingdom. Most of the time I ignore them, because of the danger of seeing my idea run out of control (like TK), but I have one that I’m planning to work on once I have the finances and the proper time. And trust me, it’ll attract posters like flies to shit; and that is all I’ll say about that.

Henoch: What lessons have you learned in the past 5 years?

Red Whacker: I’ve learned that it’s easy to feed off people’s preconceived notion of oneself.

Henoch: Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years?

Red Whacker: Back in control of TK, while pissing on TrekBBS’ grave.

Thanks Red!!


Something Wicked
Javert Rovinski, Juris Rovvius, Rov, & AutoRov Speak
by Caitriona

Asking someone to do an interview for a TK e-zine, when some members of TK have made trolling ExIsle a permanent hobby, is probably not the smartest choice, but I thought it would be interesting nevertheless.

So, here in all its unedited glory is an interview with Rov...

Caitriona: First, thank you Rov for taking time out of a very busy schedule to do this interview.

So, when you first began your Internet career did you ever imagine that you'd end up owning and operating a board like ExIsle?

Rov: No. Actually, I only logged on to the slipstream once very early in Andromeda's run to check out theories about Trance's true origins. I never imagined I would stick around on the site at all, let alone end up helping to publish her secrets on the Internet five years later! Even post-Slipstream, I never really 'planned' for Ex Isle to occur; it just sort of happened.

Caitriona: When SlipStream imploded, what was your first 'gut' reaction?

Rov: I was sort of detached by the time it officially closed. The Slipstream was always an Andromeda board, and my interest in the show rapidly diminished after it became Tribunized. The occasional thread in the misc section could be diverting, but that was pretty much the extent of it. I also knew the community would be reconstituted elsewhere; servers are so cheap that even a large community can survive on relatively little money. While I was surprised, I don't think it hit me as hard as the people who still cared about the show.

Caitriona: What was it like working as a mod for Lisa and Christian? We here a lot about what it is like at TrekBBS, but what was it like at SS?

Rov: It had its ups and downs. On the one hand, Christian and Lisa were never really part of the Slipstream community; their non-administrative postings were almost nil. On the positive side, they were able to stay above 'political' frays to an extent I haven't been able to replicate. On the negative side, they didn't really seem to care about the site beyond its potential to bring in ad revenue; TrekBBS was always the first priority. When it became more trouble than it was worth, the plug was pulled, rather unceremoniously.

Caitriona: If you could go back and revisit the SS board, is there anything you would do differently as a Mod?

Rov: I'm currently young and dumb. At the time, I was younger and dumber than I am now. There are roughly five million things I would do differently, yes.

Caitriona: Are you surprised at the growth and longevity of ExIsle?

Rov: Not really. Post-fall, SSU and EI were the only two sites that competed for the sizable slipstream community. For a variety of reasons, EI was more successful at winning converts. From there, it became a simple matter of network effect; that is, the value of the board is determined almost entirely by how many other people are already using it. After EI brought most of the SS community with her, the success was pretty much self-sustaining and self-reinforcing. For board administrators, “don't fuck things up†is often the primary job.

Caitriona: Is there any one thing you would do differently in setting up ExIsle?

Rov: I would have started with a domain and a dedicated server, rather than initially trying a string of 'shared hosting accounts'. The constant moves in the early days were problematic. Also, I would have started off with either Invision Power Board or vBulletin; life is way, way too short to use Ikonboard, which Ex Isle did for approximately ten minutes.

Caitriona: When members known to be members of Troll Kingdom visit ExIsle, do they receive the same considerations other new members would? By that I mean is the staff prompted to "look out' for any TK'ers?

Rov: Not really. Aside from CU's pathetic series of pseudonyms, there are plenty of TK'ers on EI and I don't recall there ever being a problem. Missmanners posts once in a blue moon and, of course, you're a fairly frequent contributor. Hambil left of his own free will, but was always welcome, at least by me.

Caitriona: Tell me a little about Rov. Where did he come from? Was SS the first board you ever joined? Tell me everything? Inquiring trolls want to know.

Rov: I was born in California, before I fled in terror. I'm currently living in Texas to go to law school. SS was the first board I joined, which was later replaced by EI. I have yet to really branch out to other messageboards, do primarily to lack of time.

Caitriona: Is there ever a time when you regret the amount of involvement the membership has in the running of ExIsle?

Rov: There are upsides and downsides.

Caitriona: Have you ever posted at TK with some other username?

Rov: Missmanners No. Cookie? ;)

Caitriona: Can you see where trolling might be fun? Why or why not?

Rov: Yeah, I can see the hypothetical thrill. Some people on the Internet are so easily offended by the words of total strangers that they beg to be baited. However tempting it might be, however, it's ultimately self-destructive; a community which tolerates it quickly devolves into either trolls and counter-trolls, or simply complete spammy pointlessness.

Caitriona: Was there ever a time when you just wanted to ban someone on EI because they just pissed you off? Details please.

Rov: Sadly, it would probably be a bad idea to give specific names. But three or four names come to mind immediately. Perhaps unsurprisingly, all men.

Caitriona: In closing, why do you think there are such hard core EI detractors here on TK? What did you do to these guys anyway?

Rov: Criticizing is fun and easy. In any large-scale endeavor, there's going to be plenty to nitpick at. Some people do it out of genuine concern. Others do it because they're worthless human beings and honestly have no better form of entertainment. I leave it to the reader to sort out who's who.

Caitrona: Thank you very much!!!

Rov: Thank you for interviewing me!


Something Wicked
Earlier this month our very own CoyoteUgly asked to sit down with Henoch for an interview. Never one to miss a chance at a good interview, Henoch agreed and the rest is, as they say, history.

Editor's Note: The opinions expressed by CoyoteUgly are only that, his opinions. These opinions do not reflect the opinions of "Troll Kingdom presents.. Ouch!" nor the Staff. No coyotes, rodents, children, staff, TK members or admins were harmed during the making of this interview.

That said, enjoy!

Henoch: What was the inspiration for the name "CoyoteUgly"?

CoyoteUgly: You know, I'm not sure where I got it. I doubt the movie had much influence since I've yet to see it, but maybe it did. Dunno. The name sort of rolls off the tongue and sounded good, so I took off with it.

Henoch: You speak of yourself in the third person often, why? Are you mentally ill? Some say you are mimicking the greatest of all trolls, Skinofevil, any truth to that?

CoyoteUgly: The third person shtick came from the idea of pretending to be an actual coyote living on a game refuge who occasionally broke into the park ranger's shack and used the laptop to post here. The coyote was pompous...therefore spoke in the third person. It was amusing (at least to myself) for a few months, then I shifted to first person. I went away for a while and came back to the third person motif, and it seemed to annoy the shit out of some people so I stuck with it. Lately, it's just easier to type "I" than "CoyoteUgly" over and over.

As to mimicking Skin...I don't have anywhere near the level of creativity and comedy possessed by ol' Skin, so why bother? If a poster speaks in the third person, is he automatically ripping off the master of trolls? Batboy and gASbOT do the same thing...are they ripping him off too?

Henoch: What do you think of the current TK Admins? They are doing a hell of a job, right?

CoyoteUgly: Heh. Depends on what you mean by "a hell of a job" doesn't it? If you mean a hell of a job making this place look like every other place, then sure. Frankly, that's what happens when a couple of chicks and a faggoty, mutt-fucking liberal run the board. When one admin spends most of her time legally fucking people out of their money all the while claiming to be an anarchist, the second one only comes on between bouts of working on her back with her high heels in the air...cash up front, and the third devotes his life to finding something new to whine about...what do you expect?

Henoch: You are very outspoken & often incite hostility in other posters, any comments?

CoyoteUgly: Short comment: fuck'em.

Long comment: this is TK, or at least it used to be, and if you can't stand the heat, you're on the wrong side of the tracks, baby. There's a strong tendency among a few posters...not all, not most, just a few...to make a complete denial when someone nails them. It's like two kids playing armyman and saying "killed ya...no you didn't...yes I did...no you didn't." Well, the natural reaction when getting fucked up the ass in front of the whole Internet is to say "you didn't penetrate that deep." EI'ers and the like minded are good at that. This sort of behavior just eggs me on to go further and further and further. In short, if you don't want me fucking with you, don't give me a reason.

Henoch: If you were given total control of TK for 1 month, what changes would you make for the betterment of the board?

CoyoteUgly: First: one admin...me. No techies, nothing. I would pick one person I felt I could trust to not destroy the board if I absolutely had to be away from the place for more than a day with zero net access. That person would have admin powers only while I was gone. Color me paranoid, but it would work. If you can't tech your own board or tech it with help from the support team, then you've got no business running the place. Giving someone the keys to the place under the auspices of "fixing her up" is stupid...as Lorne demonstrated once.

Second: Re-institute Whacker rules. That's basically: no whining. I know, you'd be off the board in a second, Henoch, but that's just the way the hooker swallows. Other than terms of service for the software and host, anything goes except excessive spamming.

Third: I'd take a long hard look at the usefulness of some fora here. It looks like if you lick missmanners' ass in a highly creative manner, you can get your own forum here. That's shit. No one should have their own personal forum. Except Skin....everything he does is cool with me.

Bring back Fear the Queers, for one. It was controversial, at least at first, and stamped us as a bunch of rebels. More stuff that says "fuck you." Simply putting up a banner with a red demon flipping you off just doesn't cut it. This stuff about foras devoted to leftwing/rightwing discussion is a great big sign that this board is in serious trouble. If I wanted to read that crap, I'd dust off one of my duals at ExIsle and do it there. Blame Sardy went down the toilet where it belonged, and that's good. But put some goddamned thought into the structure of the board.

For example, Impy's trolling forum was a stupid idea...typing out what you're going to do in a public forum that anyone can read is kinda like calling a woman to tell her you're on your way to her house to rape her...and then going through with it. After action reports, OTOH, are entirely another matter.

Lastly, I'd encourage the stronger posters to fuck with the weaker posters to try and run them off.

Why? You gain by losing in this case, that's why. The one's who really want to stay...will.

Gagh's good at that. Troll Kingdom's having an identity crisis, and has been for a while. That's why we've been playing musical banners and switching fora on and off. It's like throwing shit on the wall to see what sticks. It would be nice if someone started a really great board going back to the original spirit of this place...but people wouldn't participate very heavily. It's something Jen pointed out to me once: people don't seek what's good, they seek what's comfortable. Shrug.

Henoch: Do you currently view online porn? If so, which sites do you frequent?

CoyoteUgly: Not really. Jeez...I'm 39, I've seen it all. Been married once...living with a woman now. There's little new that I'm interested in. I don't hesitate to gaze upon a naked beauty should I happen across her online, but I don't go out of my way to find it either. Most porn is fake and boring anyway. Amateur stuff is a little better, since you can see they're really into it rather than doing it for drug money.

Henoch: Do you enjoy sparring with T'Bonz? Will she ever be able to do anything right to please you? Are you displeased with her performance as TBBS Admin?

CoyoteUgly: Yes, I do. I actually like Bonnie to a great extent. Over email or chat, she's cool as hell. I don't like some of the boneheaded moves she's made in the past, but one could say admining a board is like fucking in a fishbowl...you can't make a move without someone voicing their opinion on your technique (as this interview bears out). I might mess with her from time to time...make comments about salting her college daughter or whatever...but she's doing a better job than Lisa ever did.

Henoch: Are there any TK posters you really dislike? Anyone that just annoys the piss out of you!?

CoyoteUgly: Well, if I were to meet one of them on the street, I wouldn't kill them on sight, if that's any answer. There are some I absolutely refuse to take seriously. Some examples...

Number_6: has no clue how easy he is. Claims that I'm a loser on a power trip. OK, between Jen and myself we pull in about $170K on a good year. That's in Arkansas, where the cost of living is nice. That's including my antique business, her job, and both of us getting checks from the VA for my back and her hearing loss. I have DSL. I have my own home. We have three vehicles. To top that, I just have a Masters in History and she just has a Masters in some psychology urban voodoo stuff. Number_6 lives in an apartment, has a PhD in Lit or something equally useless, pulls something like 30-40K, can't afford dial-up...what kind of fucking white trash can't afford dial up?...Yeah, that PhD in bullshit really paid off. He's all anti-liberal (and so am I), but he'd better be glad we don't live in a meritocracy. You do the math...who has the "L" tattooed on his forehead?

I've personally seen him quit TK twice...maybe three times. He was the ringleader in turning the Infernal Garrison into an alternative TK because Hambil kept whipping his ass in arguments here. He also threw in with Peter Octavian in forming yet another alternative TK called Paradigm...which I notice isn't online anymore...again because he couldn't handle TK. Yet...suddenly he finds Hambil not such a bad guy, misunderstood, etc., and almost immediately gets his own forum here. Gee. I think it's awfully fucking two-faced of him to share private conversations between him and MM, then turn around and take a forum from her. Even I'm not that low.

Caitriona: hides behind her computer screen. "Cunt" is too nice a word for her. She is pretentious beyond all definition. If I met her in RL and she pulled some of the crap on me she does on this board, I'd actually would slap her on her ass and gladly pay the local judge whatever fine he passed down. Might serve as a cum bucket if one hadn't seen a woman in 20 years. Other than that, I fucking ignore her...though I notice she doesn't pull that shit over at EI.

Morrhigan: now I don't have anything against her as a person, but the fact remains that she's fucking ugly, and that's just an offense against nature. I mean ugly. The kind of ugly that makes babies cry and dogs run in sheer terror. I'm not lawyer, but I think there are laws against fucking something like that. I'm personally thankful someone stole her camera...that keeps her from making anymore pics of herself. Hambil himself must be an ogre himself to partner up with that. Perhaps that's why he won't get a decent air conditioner for their apartment...he's afraid she'll put on her winter coat too early.

Henoch: Does spam hurt TK? If so, should anything ever be done about it or would that be a violation of free speech & against everything TK stands for?

CoyoteUgly: Sigh. That question is like assessing the worth of the death penalty. Some days I'm for it...some days I'm against it. Anything goes here...that's the bottom line. But when someone basically becomes disruptive just for shits and giggles, then it's up to the admins to do something about it, and I mean more than just moving it to the minefield. You've got to draw the line somewhere. Scattergun spamming across a board can be a weapon to express your displeasure...I've done it...but doing it just to be doing it is like shitting your pants in a packed room then grinning at everyone..."lookie what I did." Boring.

Henoch: What is your greatest fear in life? Be specific & not sarcastic please.

CoyoteUgly: Out-of-control assholes occupying the same square mile as me and my family. Have you paid attention to people on the road lately? It's getting worse and worse with every passing day. My fear is that some shallow, unthinking, philistine, self-centered bitch is going to do something stupid and cost me something dear...like my girls or my life. Turn the fucking cellphone off when your driving, people. Unless you're a doctor, a firefighter, or on a donor list, you're just not that important.

Second biggest fear is that something will happen to me and my daughters will wind up back under the care of their psycho mother. That honestly scares me too.

Third biggest fear is that the cops will find all the human remains I've buried at the back of my property.

Or that stray dogs will dig them up. I am so fucked if that happens.

Henoch: Wizard Of Oz or Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory?

CoyoteUgly: Wizard of Oz...no question. Only a fag would watch Willy Wonka. Oh, sorry...

Henoch: In real life do you consider yourself to be a leader or a follower?

CoyoteUgly: I've been both, and let me tell ya...it's more fun being the leader. I've been a squad leader and fill-in platoon sergeant in the Army. It's great to have some latitude in your decision making...but not too much latitude.

Someone has to take the blame if it all goes south.

Henoch: What is the most interesting thing that has happened to you in the past year that does not involve the Internet?

CoyoteUgly: Heh. Well, I used to kill the shit out of Iraqi soldiers for fun and profit...but that was...what...14 years ago?

I live a pretty quiet life now. Last month I shot over the heads of some cupcakeers who were pissing in my front yard at 3am. All I saw going down the driveway were white sneakers, eyes and teeth. Of course, my kids were slightly concerned about gunplay in the yard at that time of the morning, but it was just too much to bear. Other than an actual coyote attacking me while I was turkey hunting earlier this year...I live a pretty quiet existence. Sorry.

Henoch: What is the 1 thing CoyoteUgly would ever consider changing about his online persona?

CoyoteUgly: I wish that I had given more time to quality posting in the past. Most of the time, I'm highly distracted by work, domestic disasters, whatever, and I don't pay attention as much as I probably should to what I say here. Now, those RL things are more important...don't get me wrong. But I've missed some lovely opportunities here. Of course, if some posters think I'm not paying attention, it may be because what they have to say isn't that important.

Henoch: CoyoteUgly's criteria for the perfect companion? Does your girlfriend/boyfriend/wife measure up?

CoyoteUgly: The perfect companion exists only in your dreams. She's not real. Does Jen measure up? Yes and no. She's the best partner I can ask for. Of course we fight, of course we don't see eye to eye on some things. Yeah, it annoys me that she practically mainlines Mountain Dew and then bounces off the ceiling. I'm not real nuts about having my arm twisted up between my shoulders either. But in truth, 99% of the time, we're on the same page and that's quite a change from the past on both our parts. She's got her life, I've got mine, and where the two meet is happiness. But no one is going to measure up to your expectations...anyone who tells you their mate is perfect is fucking lying to you.

Henoch: Does CU love children? Does CU have any children? Does CU want to kidnap other peoples children??

CoyoteUgly: CoyoteUgly has two daughters who he loves very much. Yes, I love children in general. Kidnap others? Nah....Come to think of it: CoyoteUgly is a big kid himself.

Henoch: Is there anything CoyoteUgly wishes to say to the populace of TK in closing?

Yes. Ahem. To my friends and allies, thanks for the fun over the last couple of years here. To my detractors, please listen closely: find a random post of mine on this board. Print it off (6, you can use your neighbor's printer...he'll never know), fold it into eighths with neat corners, and shove it up your ass.

Oh, and Bonz...I'll be shoving something up your oldest daughter's ass when she goes back to college.

--The End


Something Wicked
Run Out The Guns!

CoyoteUgly interviews Ironclad

Just who is Ironclad? Inquiring TK'ers want to know! We've known all along that he was a dual, but just who is he? Our newest correspondent, CoyoteUgly, gets as much information as the wily Ironclad will give up.

CoyoteUgly: Ironclad: whence comes the name?

Ironclad: I was buzzing around the Internet one fine day and found a stash of civil war photos of generals and admirals. Since Farragut has some connection with the Mobil area, I grabbed a copy as avatar-bait, along with the “Damn the Torpedoes†comment. Since he commanded ironclad ships, and since on TK I rather like to think that people's comments would bounce off of me in most cases like solid shot off of armor, the name seemed appropriate.

CoyoteUgly: I don't need to know who, but do you have a former/alternative identity here? If so, when did you first join TK?

Ironclad: I do, Ironclad has never been presented as anything other than a dual. My progenitor was on the first iteration of TK, although not a founding member, and is still present today.

CoyoteUgly: You're about the be locked in a small cell for 20 years with no release. You can choose 3 TKers to periodically visit you during that time. Who?

Ironclad: Miss Manners, for her cooking skills, her experience with her former gangster husband, and for the nookie potential.

Cochanga (or however you spell it), for his music collection and wide worldly experience. I'm sure he's been on the run from the law a few times and could provide useful input, and if necessary, I can hopefully trade him to a prison gang during a visit for future consideration.

Finally, Skin would have to visit, for moral support and so he can keep my name in the spotlight in the outside world and media. He could crusade to have the false charges against me dropped. After all, “No†only means “No†if I say it.

CoyoteUgly:The laws against murder are temporarily repealed. Which 3 TKers would you kill if you had the chance?

Ironclad: Jillian, while I acknowledge that she temporarily breathed some life into TK, she became too annoying and repetitive to be allowed to live.

Wordin, just because his mannerisms annoy me.

And You, Coyote, not because I have a particular like or dislike of you, but because even if it's legal, killing shouldn't have any witnesses.

CoyoteUgly: Baseball or Hockey?

Ironclad: To play, Hockey.

To watch, Baseball, something in the slow pace builds tension if it's a close game.

CoyoteUgly: What's the state of TK in your opinion?

Ironclad: Too often the board has been proclaimed “deadâ€, so I'll not say it as well. However, the lack of technique, originality and reverse-camaraderie in actual trolling here is pathetic. It's a social board, but as a free-speech community or, heaven forbid, an actual site devoted to trolling, the board has lost it's focus. Think of it as Terran without the breasts and fuzzy bunnies.

The latest round of “new blood†is particularly disappointing. The current state of the board is in flux, but I hold little hope of it returning to it's more interesting, initial state.

Unless Mal shows up and posts more photos of his wife/ex in the nude.

CoyoteUgly: Red Whacker-- troll hero or scoundrel?

Ironclad: Tool to stir up trouble. Like Osama, he's a figurehead to throw tomatoes at and generate interest, but does little himself. As such, he's a Troll Hero, because isn't the reaction the thing? He managed to piss off dozens of people. I don't Like what he did, but that's not the point of TK, to be liked.

CoyoteUgly: Are you fool or madman?

Ironclad: Madman of course, but one that functions well.

CoyoteUgly: Do you have a significant other and are you presently happy?

Ironclad: I do, and we are. While conflict is part of our relationship due to our personalities, I've been with my S/O for years and have no intention of changing the situation.

CoyoteUgly: Education level? Areas of education? Hobbies?

Ironclad: I do not hold any degrees, although I do hold many professional “certificationsâ€, some of questionable use.

I am an amateur historian on US Civil War History, dabble in Japanese History as well and generally keep reading and educating myself.

My hobbies include plotting the psychological destruction of my enemies, as soon as I find out who they are, as well as several manual skills, blogging, and home-improvement projects.

CoyoteUgly: What CW general, in your opinion, would be most likely to survive at TK?

Ironclad: Major General Joseph Hooker. Not always the most successful Union general, nevertheless he had a strong personality, wit, and enjoyed a good argument, causing him to be relieved more than once. He was popular with his men, took care of his own, even as his superiors thought of him as a pain in the ass. Can you imagine better?

Not to mention the prostitutes.

CoyoteUgly: How's T'Bonz doing as admin? If not her, what TrekBBSer should be top cat there?

Ironclad: It's been so long since I've been on Trek BBS, I can't say.

I have a personal bone to pick with her regarding her behavior on another board completely, one I'm sure she is unaware that I was reading, that showed a rather hypocritical streak in her. Nevertheless, I am civil with her and she with me. Being a BBS Admin is a thankless job, she gets bitched at enough, but I'm not so sure most of her critics could do any better.

CoyoteUgly: Any message for the denizens of TK?

Ironclad: Become more amusing or I'll create a nastier dual.


Something Wicked
The Interview That Could Have Been

(If Cait Wasn't A TK Admin)

by Parallaxis

Parallaxis recently sat down with RobL to do an interview. The results of which, were interesting to say the least.

Para: Tell us about those first days discussing TrollKingdom - Did Red first approach you with the idea or Sardy and why did they come to you? What were you first thoughts?

RobL: [Silence]

Para: Was there ever a time you thought about closing TK? Do you wish you had now?

RobL: [Silence]

Para: Do you regret no longer having control over TK?

RobL: [Silence]

Para: How did your Trekbbs modship come about? Who approached who first? Did Lisa come to you or did you go to her?

RobL: [Silence]

Para: How much actual contact with Christian did you have? How much contact do you think Lisa had? Do you think Christian uses a dual at Trekbbs?

RobL: [Silence]

Para: How did you feel about going against your former TK members as a TrekBBS admin? Do you think they were unfair to you, or unreasonable in their demands? Do you feel you betrayed them?

RobL: [Silence]

Para: Did you ever leak any BR threads or any other "secret" information? Do you wish you had leaked more?

RobL: [Silence]

Para: Why were you fired from Trekbbs? Did you try to ever go back?

RobL: [Silence]

Para: Starman has admitted to abusing his mod power out of boredom, Did you ever 'flex your mod power' just for the heck of it? Delete a thread, Warn some newbie, register a dual to start a fight than warning the person you dual fights with?

RobL: [Silence]

Para: What's the thing you're most proud of doing at Trekbbs? What's the thing you most ashamed of doing?

RobL: [Silence]

Para: Bonus Question - If you could reveal one thing about Trekbbs that would shock the hell out of everyone what would it be?

RobL: Sorry, not participating. For the single reason that I hate Cait, and think that she has absolutely no reason to have any position of power or control on this board. I don't want to give her any more reason to stick around. I don't even read the e-zine, except for the CU interview. Sorry.

Para: Thank you for your time.

Given the hesitance of RobL to answer any questions, this Editor was curious to find out what she could about the tall, dark and silent RobL. In that effort, the question was asked of several TK members, "What do you think of RobL?"
Here are some of the answers:

Missmanners: "I've always thought RobL was sweet. Very sweet. After Para, the one troll I'd say "Let me buy you dinner dear."

Hambil: "Given endless spare time, and the boundless possibilities of the Internet to create the personality and nickname of your choosing, RobL still manages to disappoint."

Sardonica: "RobL is one of the most untrustworthy souls I've ever had the misfortune to cross paths with on the Information Super-Highway I wish him all the best..."

T'Bonz: "Expect the unexpected" from him."

CoyoteUgly: "RobL is one helluva mammal."

-Thank you one and all, and Thank you Parallaxis for an excellent attempt.


Something Wicked
I ran into Daystrom a while back and managed to get him to agree to an interview. Of all the "Old Guard" Day has always been the most complicated to understand, with apparently no middle ground among fans and critics.

Caitriona: How have you been and what have you been up to? You've been absent from TK for a while. Inquiring TK'ers want to know what you've been up to.

Daystrom: I've been doing okay for the most part, as for what I've been up to..I recently discovered the DVD, so I've been catching up on all the films I've
missed out on over the years ("Signs" was off the hook!)

Caitriona: What was TrekBBS like when you first joined?

Daystrom: TrekBBS was quite nice when I first joined. 130 members, blueberry muffins were a popular topic of discussion, as were Kirk vs. Picard debates and "Where's Core" threads.

Ahhh, those were the days, eh?

Caitriona: And along those lines, what is behind the feud between you and T'Bonz?

Daystrom: A chatroom incident involving the ban of another member. That and how I sometimes remind her of the cartoons she knows we both watched as kids.

Like Winky Dink ;).

Caitriona: Is it real or is it just another Internet drama?

Daystrom: Internet drama..

Caitriona: There used to be a lot of action in the chatrooms. ( TK, Terran, TrekBBS, EFCL ) What specifically do you remember about them?

Daystrom: The hidden agendas.

Allow me to clarify: Heavy handed Ops high on NyQuil framing members in good standing with edited logs in order to finesse bans from the board, rumor
mongering tantamount to libel, and libel tantamount to rumor mongering.

Caitriona: Is it true RobL banned you from the TK ezboard? If so why?

Daystrom: Yes, quite true. As for why...

I was registered at TK under the name "Goldstien" during a ban from TBBS to
draw attention to the first few TBBS BR threads posted at the board
outlining the administration's dual policy, and RobL, who defected from TK
to TBBS, used his still active TK admin pass key to log and track my
movements in order to have me banned at both boards to prevent me from
exposing their evil to the light of day.

Caitriona: A lot of the Original Gang are gone or seldom come around any longer, what was TK like back then and how is it different now?

Daystrom: Hmm, good question. There wasn't much in the way of infighting among members back then. TK's focus at that time was to expose TBBS's hidden policies regarding staff conduct. The membership of today's TK is about slinging ad hominems at each other and not much else.

Caitriona: You have a rep as being an excellent cook. Cait & missmanners are coming to dinner, what will you cook for them?

Daystrom: Vegetables ;).

Caitriona: What is your preferred way to spend a Sunday afternoon?

Daystrom: With friends.

Caitriona: What is your ideal of the perfect mate?

Daystrom: I wish I could remember now.

Caitriona: What [if anything] do you think would improve TK?

Daystrom: At this point, nothing. (lol)

Caitriona: Finally, anything you want to add.. anything at all.

Daystrom: Everybody loves Mickey Mouse.

Thanks Day!!! Hope to see you around TK more often in the future.


Something Wicked
Who is "The Question" anyway?

by Peter Octavian

Peter Octavian was able to sit down [figuratively] with our own enigmatic "The Question", and ask him a few questions. The results are...Very Interesting!

Peter Octavian: You've been on Troll Kingdom for a long time, and I know that there've been bits of the story of your arrival here posted, but I'm sure that our readers would like to know how you ended up here. Why did you choose the handle, "The Question"?

The Question: This is always 1 part embarrassing and 1 part amusing to recall. It takes a little background. Back in 2003, I was a regular at a BBS called Stardestroyer.net. I first joined that board under the username John Clark. Now back then, I was a n00b, as far as trolls go. I didn't bother with subtlety or strategy -- I just got the briefest possible lay of the land, and then set out to piss off as many people as I could in the shortest time possible, knowing that the combination of uptight and geek would have me banned in very short order. Needless to say, it worked, and "John Clark" became an SD.Net boogeyman.

Here's where TK comes in -- in late '02, I re-registered there under a different username: Raoul Duke, Jr. I'd just finished reading pretty much everything from Hunter S. Thompson I could get my hands on, and needed to find a writing voice that didn't sound like what I'd written as John Clark. At the same time, I wanted Wong to guess that I was the same guy who'd had several moderately hostile email exchanges with him, while steering him away from guessing my previous SD.Net identity.

So Raoul Duke, Jr. took a good bit of heat from the Star Wars geeks, then "reformed", which is to say started toeing their party line. Sadly, and this is the truly embarrassing part, I ended up going native. I actually started to believe their hype. My sense of humor kind of shrivelled up, too. A very sad day in history, to be sure.

Now this is where TK comes in -- I found myself on TrekBBS, having once been a Star Trek fan, and after awhile, found this little forum called The Neutral Zone -- similar in content to what Hambil's and 6's forums have, but closer in spirit to WordForge's Red Room. Now, I'd written some stuff for SD.Net called, "Dangerous Fun In The House Of The Scorpion." Most of it very derivative of Thompson (but remember that being derivative of Thompson had originally been deliberate -- I just just forgotten, by the time I wrote the Dangerous Fun stuff, why.)

The most recent stuff in the Dangerous Fun series, though, was something serious -- not just throwaway fluff like the rest -- it was called Walking With Ghosts: Seven Days In The Shadow Of The American Dream. It was a story about what it's like to be homeless on the streets of Tempe, Arizona. Here's a spoiler for everyone buried in the midst of this huge paragraph: I wasn't just investigating it -- I was homeless when I wrote that article, due to my visual disability.

So you can imagine that, when the Neutral Zone regulars panned the work, I took it probably much harder than I should have.

Well, that led to flamewars, temporary bannings, more flamewars, my first dual, more flamewars and finally a permaban from TrekBBS. At the same time, I had quite accidentally brought the giggling, farting wrath of TrollKingdom down on SD.Net. Chief among the raiding party were Storm Rucker, Tamar Garish, Faceman, markb and if I recall correctly, guldulac. All of whom were banned at one point or another, and all of whom registered duals thereafter.

Storm Rucker's SD.Net dual was "The Question". When I started coming to TK to defend my work, (which in hindsight is probably the most embarrassing part of the whole history of this thing) I struck upon the idea of trying to impersonate Storm Rucker in return for an (at the time unknown) TKer's impersonation of me. So I registered under the same name he'd used for his dual at SD.Net -- The Question.

Peter Octavian: Where are you from originally? What was your childhood like?

The Question: I'm a Navy brat, so I'm not really originally from anywhere. I guess I'd say I'm from Tempe, since it's the place I've lived at for the most years consecutively. I've lived here for 6 years.

Peter Octavian: Did you have any religious training in your upbringing? Obviously, you've had a departure from that line of thinking, can you talk about the how's and why's of that divergence?

The Question: My religious background was pretty diverse growing up. My parents are Asatruar -- practitioners of the Scandinavian ancestral religion, with Odin, Thor, Loki and all those characters -- but I lived with an aunt and uncle of mine between the ages of 12 and 14, and they were Shingon Buddhists. If it sometimes seems that I'm hostile to religion, it's specifically directed at religions that have consumed huge numbers of human lives. There's nothing wrong, in my opinion, with believing in something higher than yourself, if you really feel a need to -- but to go out and hurt people just because they won't agree to believe with you is inexcusable.

Peter Octavian: TKer's who've seen you in action know that you bring a formidable intellect to bear when you argue your points. What is your educational background?

The Question: My formal education didn't give me the tools I use to argue -- SD.Net did that. Actually... strike that, they didn't do that themselves. What SD.Net did was show me the value of logical critical thinking. As far as learning how it ought to be done, I'm self-taught.

Peter Octavian: The Holocaust is a favorite topic of yours, and you defend a position which is widely regarded as unpopular. Could you discuss what's drawn you to that subject, and how you've come to argue the position which you do?

The Question: I became strongly enough interested in the subject to start actively researching it as a result of related research I was doing for a hobby of mine -- modifying PC games. One, in particular: Battlefield 1942.

The reason I argue the position I do is based on both intellectual integrity and moral outrage. Intellectual integrity because, just as I don't accept the existence of an intangible, invisible, untestable being based on logic but on faith, I cannot accept as fact something which has as its primary evidence nothing more than that which evidences such a supernatural being.

No matter how many thousands of claims there are of the supernatural or of the Holocaust, those claims alone do not support themselves. That's only the first of many intellectual objections, and you've read more of them elsewhere.

The moral outrage stems from the fact that entire generations of people have been psychologically and financially drained based on this -- so tell me: If a church were to instill guilt and impose a hefty tax on every American citizen, for generations, based on something that may or may not have actually happened -- would that not anger you? In my opinion, the Holocaust was a tool invented to save face for the Allies by imposing on Germany the most monstrous image possible. The evidence was, again, nothing more substantial or solid than the evidence that there is a God, or that UFOs exist. But that the Holocaust story, based as it is on such ephemeral evidence, has been a weapon used against innocent people, is unconscionable.

Peter Octavian: From what I've gathered, your taste in music is not what you'd call, "populist". You've mentioned that you enjoy listening to Rammstein. There are probably a lot of readers who know nothing about that band. Can you tell us a brief review of your favorite Rammstein album. Are there any more mainstream or recognizable musical acts to which you are partial?

The Question: Rammstein's best album so far, in my opinion, is Reise, Reise ("Arise, Arise"). Their music is always technically excellent, but Reise, Reise shows their sound maturing and deepening into something beyond the genre in which they've chosen to play. At the same time, their lyrics push the envelope in many unexpected ways, from shock-value-rich social commentary in Mein Teil to the low-key subversive message in Los.

I do have a fairly wide-ranging taste in music: everything from Big Band & Swing (original swing and the Revival Swing of the 1990s) to rival bands Metallica and Megadeth, to Tool and lead vocalist Maynard Keenan's gentler-but-not-kinder sister project A Perfect Circle.

Peter Octavian: It's widely known by most TK members that you spent a great deal of time in an internet cafe, which probably makes you a coffee afficianado; What are your recommendations? Favorite specialty drink?

The Question: Usually, it's just a good cup of high-test, black. I had a little bit of a sweet tooth for awhile when it came to coffee, but I've cut back on that.

Peter Octavian: You and I have talked briefly about your experience with A.I. Can you give us a run down of exactly what A.I. is as it relates to your experience?

The Question: Ah, well this is why I was doing the research on WW2 -- the part of the game Battlefield 1942 that I was modifying was the Artificial Intelligence that controls non-player soldiers. I wanted them to fight more like real soldiers would have with the weapons the "bots" (AI soldiers) had at their disposal. This really does get technical, but to boil it down: It worked. I've learned more about Reactive-Agent (i.e. decision-making, or thinking) AI than I ever thought I would.

Peter Octavian: You've mentioned on several occasions that you've picked up a paid writing gig, and, I hope I'm speaking for many other Ouch readers, you've written really exciting, engaging stuff for the e-zine: How long have you been writing? What is your favorite subject matter? You've got a very eerie, surreal texture to your work, who are your influences?

The Question: I've been writing short stories since I was a kid -- my influences have been pretty diverse, though, from H.P. Lovecraft, Robert E. Howard and Ray Bradbury to Mickey Spillane, Tom Clancy, Richard Marcinko and (as previously mentioned) Hunter S. Thompson.

Peter Octavian: Who is your favorite cartoon character and why?

The Question: Daffy Duck, no question about it. My first demonstration of just how much fun it is to be an obnoxious smartass.

Peter Octavian: You're sitting watch at the bedside of Saturday Night Live, and you realize you can remove it from life support, and let it die with some dignity, like it should have been allowed to do 20 years ago: Would you, and why, or why not?

The Question: Nah. It could've died with dignity 20 years ago -- now it's too late. What it needs now is to be gutted, and have its insides filled up with hungry new talent under pressure. Give it over to new hands, new eyes and new typewriters, and tell 'em the show's going down, they have one chance to save their jobs, and give them only one hard-and-fast rule: They can't do anything that's ever been done before.

Peter Octavian: Are you a Star Trek fan? Do you have a favorite series or movie? What other science fiction films or TV would you recommend, and why?

The Question: My first memories as a kid are of the blinking lights from Uhura's console on the bridge. My first visual memory. I've been a TOS fan, then, for as long as I can remember. DS9 is the only thing that comes close in my admiration of all things Trek. I'm also a fan of Firefly (maybe you guessed) and both iterations of Stargate, SG-1 and Atlantis; I'm very excited to see where SG-1 and Atlantis are headed.

Outside SF, my favorite show, without a doubt, is NCIS.

Peter Octavian: Basic needs of survival set aside, name 5 things that you couldn't live without.

The Question: LOL! Okay, no, that was good, though. Ahem:

Stories yet to be told

Peter Octavian: Finally, the question every female on Troll Kingdom wants to know: Describe your perfect woman, and feel free to answer citing celebrities which you admire.

The Question: Hmm. Overall, she should be able to challenge me intellectually and physically. Beyond that depends on the woman herself. There are lots of things I'm looking for specifically, but when you meet the right person, those things could be there or not, and it wouldn't matter.

Peter Octavian: Any parting words?

The Question: Not really


Something Wicked
20 Questions With The Mentalist
by CoyoteUgly

So, here we go....

CoyoteUgly: 1. Whence comes the name "Mentalist?" How smart do you think you are?

Mentalist: The name 'Mentalist' does not actually have anything to do with the mind readers. I picked it up watching an old Episode of Alan Partridge. Alan insults a crazy demented fan who has tattooed a face of him on his chest by calling him a crazy mentalist. Its a very funny scene and I just loved the word and it became my username from that point on since I was always a little on the mental side. As for my intelligence level I don't know. I left school at 15 but did manage to get the highest CATS/IQ tests in the southern counties and despite my predilection for trouble I was an A student, but I sucked at English unfortunately and it still haunts me to this day. God, they hated me at School.

CoyoteUgly: 2. How did you happen upon TK? Were you booted from TrekBBS like so many were and found refuge here?

Mentalist: I was a 99' child of TBBS. I was there long, long ago and more to my nature of where I grew up and my 16 year old attitude I was not used to some of the well, total pricks on there so used to stir up trouble when I could. But I was more interested in reading posts from some of the good members back then and participating in lengthy Trek related discussions which even more so then I was the authority on. After a few warnings and a blow up at a mod I left for TFN and stayed there for a long while becoming quite well known through my user name Uliq_Qel_Droma. After really shaking things up over there on the run up to AOTC I returned once more to TBBS under my TFN username. I can't for the life of me remember how I turned up at TK's door but I was here from pretty much the start of board and have seen the whole public life cycle of TK so far. The rest is history.

CoyoteUgly: 3. What are your political leanings? Do you belong to any particular party/movement/sect?

Mentalist: I supported the war in Iraq stead fast. I also support Blair to this day. Best Prime Minister England has had since Churchill. I have gotten myself in more than a few scraps politically and physically over my support and politics is one of my strongest subjects but something I rarely get involved with here.

As for faith I am not an atheist nor do I belong to any religion. I like to keep my options open though I am more interested in science and theory.

CoyoteUgly: 4. Judging by your posts, you seem to be quite the media junkie. What's your favorite TV show? Movie?

Mentalist: My favourite show is Trek of course, TOS and DS9 being the selections of choice. I was raised on TNG from the age of six so that also sits right up there. Enterprise was a personal travesty to me I can never forgive the direction the franchise went. I was also a big Buff and Angel fan finding the humor refreshing after the play it safe attitude that Trek usually portrayed. Fav movie is Empire Strikes Back. Other notables include Leon, Clerks, Free Enterprise and Dr Strangelove, oh, and Rocky V.. OK, not Rocky V. I also enjoy Hong Kong and French cinema.

CoyoteUgly: 5. Describe your perfect computer system.

Mentalist: AMD NVIDIA ASUS CORSAIR based system top of the range on every product, obviously. Having my monitor hooked up through an S-Video cable to the TV is a must and I only use portable HDD for data storage.

CoyoteUgly: 6. Give us your assessment of the state of TK. What improvements need to be made, if any?

Mentalist: My ideas are many and varied and I am humbled by the support I get from the active membership here. Of course even at TK it seems like the establishment like me the least. I have been outspoken about policy here for a good long while, I believe that certain people in charge should consult the board and not make choices just because they feel like its the best idea. Many of the ideas implemented have been dull or pointless and they do seem to get off on the power trip just a teensy weensy bit. The Admins aren't really that bad they just don't do anything or reply to people if they don't want to. I think that's a rather silly way to run a board. But I'm not bitter, I have the peoples vote.

CoyoteUgly: 7. Define "troll." Do you call yourself a troll?

Mentalist: I'm not really a troll. I have the ability to troll just fine and I know exactly what a troll is, something that seems to be sadly lacking for some folks but I don't engage in active trolling. I have done on many occasions but I wouldn't label myself as one particularly. I will pipe up if something big is going down though. A troll is someone who can make somebody, somewhere on the other side of a computer screen feel like an idiot, get frustrated, angry or upset all while you in turn laugh your ass off. Making the person/s look like total fools for their skewed beliefs in front of their peers is also what I consider "good" trolling. But its really all about the humour, no humour, no fun.

CoyoteUgly: 8. A few months ago, a series of accounts at ExIsle were apparently hacked by someone calling himself the Mentalist. What do you know about this?

Mentalist: Sounds like a pretender to the name. Or is it?

CoyoteUgly: 9. What other hobbies do you have besides haunting TK?

Mentalist: I do a lot of Video editing and I read a lot. Not fantastically exciting I know but I'm stuck in Greece at the moment and its too hot to do much. I go out a few times a week and get lashed and smoke a little cess and lead my friends off into stupid situations that cause trouble. I listen to a lot of music and I am an obsessive over the things I am into at whatever moment I am into them. If I watch a Star Wars movie for the billionth time I am suddenly only talking Star Wars. I watch Trek I only talk Trek. I listen/watch Michael I only talk Michael. I read a book I only talk about that book. it usually lasts a few days until I have exhausted all the resources the subject in question has. Its a weird condition been like it since I can remember. I have to make sure I go out and act like an average 21 year old other wise I'm a hopeless case. But It does make me knowledgeable on all these useless subjects nobody in the REAL world cares about. Its Great.

CoyoteUgly: 10. Anna Paquin is coming to your home for dinner and possibly some hot monkey sex. What do you fix for her?

Mentalist: I'd order out for a Pizza. I am not one who partakes in culinary delights. Food is a function, I eat only once a day. We would eat then we would drink fine champagne and smoke some hydroponic cross-pollinated super northern lights bud. Then I would show her he true meaning of Christmas.

CoyoteUgly: 11. The laws concerning murder are repealed. What three TK posters would you kill and why?

Mentalist: Jillian is gone, just like that. The reasons are obvious. She's a lost cause. But really I don't think there are any big names here that I would want to see wiped out. I may not agree but I don't wish death upon them. Just pick two peons that chat shit all over the board, maybe Stuart from Comicon and that Charles fellow who keeps taking about the aroma of excrement, yeah those can die.

CoyoteUgly: 12. Who is your Hero/Buffoon?

Mentalist: Captain Wacky is my Hero.

Jillian is the Buffoon.

CoyoteUgly: 13. Who, in your opinion, scarred Grace Lee Whitney for life?

Mentalist: A waitress accidentally spilling diet coke on Grace Lee's hair, which prompted Grace to ask "This won't change my hair color, will it?" (Yeoman Rand to Enterprise, none to beam up!)

Grace is a fuck up. the above is far from the only stupid thing she has said. Grace Lee Whitney scarred Grace Lee Whitney, with a large dose of help from the Catholic Church and the finest London Dry Gin. Doohan and Gene were just being lads... I mean really..

CoyoteUgly: 14. You mentioned The Empire Strikes Back. How does George Lucas' new vision for the Star Wars universe grab you?

Mentalist: I am very forgiving of George. What it comes down to is that the OT is such a sacred beautiful thing that it can never be touched or ruined. I don't like Greedo shooting first or some of the other "changes" but none of them actually ruin the movies. I wouldn't have done the same if I was in charge but I can live with it and I find all the crying and bitching to be too much. I am a fan of the PT. It's not a lick on the OT but its still Star Wars. Some people may contest that but I don't. TPM was a flawed project, it suffered from too much Jar-Jar but more so than the character being annoying he just ate up too much screen time. If GL had toned his character back just slightly and tweaked the character so he wasn't always so bloody goofy I think he could have worked. Lloyd was an annoying little gimp though, I couldn't stand him. We needed more Maul and the movie should have been paced better. There is over twenty minutes of that movie that could have been cut and replaced with prime material. AOTC was leaps and bounds better but was still a stilted affair but was very enjoyable nonetheless and I never had a problem with Hayden. Most of the grumblings I agree with but I still thought the movie was great. ROTS was simply awesome. I loved every moment and I can't wait for the DVD. It really is a class act and I don't care what anyone says. That movie just blows me away. So yeah, George isn't perfect and the PT wasn't plain sailing but he's still a genius and he is still the man that brought us Star Wars.

CoyoteUgly: 15. You've told us your hobbies, but describe a typical day for the Mentalist.

Mentalist: At the moment my life is a very relaxed affair, I have little to no responsibilities. I wake up, bang my head on something without fail and walk around in a pair of shorts and nothing else for the entire day. I moonwalk to the fridge, grab myself a beer, sidewalk out to the front room and check my E-Mail and contacts and check the new replies on TK. After about an hour of pottering about I usually go back to bed and read or listen to music. Either my American Friend or my Greek Friends will call me up, come over and take me down to the tourist part of the Island with all the bars, girls and beaches. I swim, sit in the bar, drinking, playing pool, go for a quick spliff and chat with all the usual faces we know here. Then its back home where I check TK again maybe work on a few editing projects and school dumb MJ fans and there stupid questions over at Oyvindeid. I browse my Portable HD and watch random shit and correspond with my contacts from home (back in England) and basically just mosey around. I drink lots of beer and if I'm not going out I just sit around watching movies or shows or concerts with TK in the background. If I go out then I won't leave the house before 10 at night and I wont be back before 6 in the morning. Its all a far cry from my life in England where I am usually in a police cell or awaiting a court date. I have managed to keep myself out of serious trouble for nearly two years now and other than being banned from driving I have a clean record again. Where I am from in Brighton, England, life is fucking harsh. I have been stabbed twice and have seen shit people should never see. Here life is like a fucking fairy tale. It gets on my nerves sometimes but I live a very peaceful life after all those years of action.

CoyoteUgly: 16. Since you were here for most of TK's duration, tell us: does Lisa deserve the reputation she's received over the last few years? Have you ever had any personal contact with her?

Mentalist: Of course she deserves her reputation. She's a stupid bitch. I hate this holier-than-thou-attitude people get on god damn message boards. That's why TK is a breath of fresh air the power trips are minimized you can't get rid of your problems so easily. I have only had limited personal contact with her, thank god. We argued over something I said and I nearly got booted ages ago. Plus I just had to stick my oar in if I see people getting the Lisa nazi treatment or she tries to worm her little crew out of more blatant stupidity. Good riddance to her. Say what you like about Bonz, she is an improvement over that stupid bitch even if the old ways do die hard.

CoyoteUgly: 17. Describe a Mentalist forum at TK. What would be the main thrust of it? Should it be in the Spam-free Zone, or would Gagh get to play there?

Mentalist: Gagh would be welcome to act anyway he likes in a forum of mine. We get along well and he knows Brighton almost as well as I do. He knows the score.

A Mentalist forum is just me I guess. What I mean by that is that the forum leader promotes a certain feel to the proceedings. This is certainly true of Hambil's and 6's forums. I have a flair for being ridiculous at times but I enjoy the whole popular culture scene and the absurdity of it all. Its prime material for comedy and I like talking over the finer points of movies and games and TV shows plus If I am into a story of a book or movie I want to talk about it with like minded people. The whole celeb angle is just because it lends itself to being ridiculed so much. Celeb Gossip actually makes me sick to my stomach that's why I wanted to turn it on its head and parody the whole bloody lot of them. I don't pretend to be the greatest at anything I just think stupid "news" worthy topics like Lindsey Lohan and Gwen Stefani wearing the same dress are open to ridicule. Its a 'point and laugh' kinda deal. Movies discussion I am more interested in talking about seriously but the fact is, I like humor and I am not that PC. Its why I never went down well at TBBS.

CoyoteUgly: 18. Who was the best Trek captain...based upon command ability and overall personality?

Mentalist: If my life was actually on the line then it would be Picard. But Kirk is the best captain, never a dry eye with Kirky boy.

CoyoteUgly: 19. Was ENT a stillborn idea, or in your opinion did it have squandered potential?

Mentalist: I remember clearly reading the leaked crew page that described all the characters. I declared it as some of the worst fan wank/un-original material I had ever read. Imagine my surprise when I got confirmation.

The premise was dire. I don't want prequel Trek like this. You do prequel Trek you go the style and panache of DS9 don't give me this bollocks. The idea wasn't a complete and utter write off but the execution was disastrous. Season 4 really did some good shows but it was too late, you can't get away with crap like they produced when you have so many rival shows pushing the boundaries. They touched the surface of some good stuff once or twice but it was back to square one the next episode. We never got a decent run of episodes in a row that were above average. Voyager is a far better show than ENT was and that's a sad state of affairs.

CoyoteUgly: 20. Finally, anything to say to the denizens of TK?

Mentalist: Love me long time.


New Member
What is this a local circle jerk?


Something Wicked
LOL... I saw a comment in the Shout box and told them I'd bump some of the stuff.

Yes yes, I know rag on me because there is no archive. That one I deserve to be flamed for.

Storm Rucker

Moody Loner with a Gun
I'm game.

Storm Rucker

Moody Loner with a Gun
I always do.