Patrick Stewart On Suicide Watch Over Crappy Cable Service

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

Time Warner Cable Welcomes Sir Patrick Stewart to Park Slope With Shitty Cable Service

Even Starfleet Captains hate Time Warner.

By Jessica Roy 9/14 9:43am

Stars, they’re just like us! When confronted with the monumental annoyance of having to install Time Warner cable in their apartment, they, too, resort to nihilistic thinking. Thus is the case with Sir Patrick Stewart, famed Shakespearean actor and Star Trek star, who recently moved to Park Slope.

We assume he doesn’t live in a building equipped with Verizon Fios, because the actor has signed up for that dreaded, monstrous monopoly Time Warner Cable, notorious for having fewer stars on Yelp than cannibal murderer Jeffrey Dahmer.

Last night, Mr. Stewart tweeted the following lament, which demands to be read aloud in his deep British timber:

So far, over 600 people have retweeted it, so clearly Mr. Stewart’s frustration with the cable service has struck a chord. The support arm of Time Warner reached out to Mr. Stewart, but by then it was simply too late:

We like to imagine Mr. Stewart shouting at his computer, “This installation ends here!”

Engaging in a public Twitter spat with one of the city’s most hated companies? Congratulations, Mr. Stewart, you’re officially a New Yorker.

Update: Apparently Mr. Stewart isn’t the only Star Trek star to experience problems with Time Warner:

Update 2: Time Warner has provided Betabeat with the following (pretty amazing) statement:

“Our Care and Social Media teams are fully engaged to make sure he’s well tended to. On behalf of the many Trekkers and Sir Patrick Stewart fans across our company, I can assure you, we will make it so.”

Oh, and thanks to the Redditor who made (these):

Park Slope? I'll never run into him in the street...OUTER BOROS!

BTW, I have finally found a good use for tumblr: Park Slope Patrick Stewart

 

[CaptainWacky]

Wait, is this actually Patrick Stewart then? Surely a verified tick wouldn't lie! But Fuddlemiff said it was a fake account? Surely Fuddlemiff wouldn't lie!

 

[Cassie]

OMG, you mean I haven't been following Captain PIcard on Twitter?

 

[Fuddlemiff]

It's definitely real because he's posted pictures that no one else would be able to get, but if it weren't for that I'd be a little suspicious due to the things he says sometimes.

 

[CaptainWacky]

Maybe he has an assistant who tweets for him. Maybe Wil Wheaton.

 

[Dr Dave]

When Will suggests things to tweet that Sir Patrick doesn't like would he go "Shut up Wesley!"?

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

What does "^SS" mean in Twitterese?

I Googled it, but I kept getting results describing Hitler's armed guard unit...

 

[whisky]

http://tagdef.com/ss#full

I dont think any of these help either.

 

[Fuddlemiff]

I couldn't get to the bottom of it either. Sometimes means "so sorry", but that doesn't quite make sense here. It looks more like a signature, since other tweets are signed off with ^RM and ^PS.

 

[CaptainWacky]

Hulk Hogan signs all his tweets with "HH" even though it's a Nazi thing.

 

[Fuddlemiff]

Nimoy uses LLAP and The Shat uses MBB, which only makes sense if you've been following them for a while.

 

[Dr Dave]

Well anybody who's a trekie would get the first one.

 

[Cassie]

Is The Shat wishing us all his best, or is he asserting that every tweet is his best EVAR?

 

[Dr Dave]

Could be both.

 

[whisky]

Data was on teh simpsons, I could have started a new thread for this, but I didnt want to make it so.

 

[Cassie]

Data is also on Warehouse 13 this season. HE'S AN EVIL PRIEST!

 

[CaptainWacky]

Was The Simpsons bad?

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

The new ones haven't started yet.

 

[whisky]

Was The Simpsons bad?

A bit average really, there has been better, there has been worse.

With Brent Spiner doing the voice of a robot, its nice to see he has avoided typecasting.

 

[Cassie]

YOU HAVE THE BRIDGE, MR TROI.