CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
(A man and a woman are in a room.)
Man: I love you and it's not hard for me to say that for I am a man and it is hard for us to express our emotions.
Woman: I don't like that you told me you love me. Though I always claim I like men who are in touch with their emotions, in truth I like cruels brutes who treat me like shit. I feel nothing for you, nothing but contempt and certainly nothing below my waste.
Man: I should rape you.
Woman: That would seem an ideal solution.
(He pulls out a knife.)
Man: GIVE ME ALL YER MONEY, LADY.
Woman: I'm confused by this turn.
Man: GIVE US YER DOSH AND NONE OF YER LIP.
Woman: I thought you loved me!
Man: ALL A FRONT SWEETIE, ALL A FUCKDAMN FRONT.
(The woman starts shaking in a really over the top way.)
Woman: I...I...
Man: MONEY, NOW.
(She takes a WAD of cash out her purse.)
Woman: It's all I have...in the world...I was running away...running from a bad man like you...running because I still loved him and kept going back...running with my wad...running...
(He slaps her hard across the mouth.)
Man: PIPE DOWN! There's only a thousand BUCKS here!
Woman: It's all I have.
Man: Even I have more than that, and I rob women in minimalist plays!
Woman: Why not take my heart too.
Man: I know you meant that metaphorically but I'm going to take it literally and carve your heart out of yer chest with my big phalic knife.
Woman: Fine, do what you want to me.
(She lies down, spreading her legs.)
Man: Or maybe I'll stick my knife somewhere else...
Woman: It would be no more than I deserve.
(He picks up her skirt and takes a look up it...then drives the knife into his OWN chest!)
Man: Goodbye...cruel...woman...
Woman: I think I love you too.
(He dies. She sits looking at him in silence for TEN MINUTES then plays with her hair for THREE MINUTES. Then 'Under Pressure' by David Bowie starts playing, the man stands up, and they both do a crazy dance like they're having convulsions.)
Man(dancing): I've never felt so alive.
Woman(dancing): All of life is a song and we must dance to our beat.
(The song finishes and they immediately stop dancing. Then stand in silence of a further TWO MINUTES.)
Man: I love you and it's not hard for me to say that for I am a man and it is hard for us to express our emotions...
(The whole play repeats itself. EIGHT TIMES. Finally, after dancing for the eitghth time, they kiss.)
Man: I am tired after a hard day's acting.
Woman: Me too. Let's go back to our hotel near the theatre and have sex, for we are, in fact, having a real life affair even though I'm married and you're gay.
Man: Life is so complicated.
Woman: SPLOOKY WOOKIEE CHICKENSOUP.
(They leave through the audience. The stage then explodes, killing everyone in the first three rows.)
FIN
Man: I love you and it's not hard for me to say that for I am a man and it is hard for us to express our emotions.
Woman: I don't like that you told me you love me. Though I always claim I like men who are in touch with their emotions, in truth I like cruels brutes who treat me like shit. I feel nothing for you, nothing but contempt and certainly nothing below my waste.
Man: I should rape you.
Woman: That would seem an ideal solution.
(He pulls out a knife.)
Man: GIVE ME ALL YER MONEY, LADY.
Woman: I'm confused by this turn.
Man: GIVE US YER DOSH AND NONE OF YER LIP.
Woman: I thought you loved me!
Man: ALL A FRONT SWEETIE, ALL A FUCKDAMN FRONT.
(The woman starts shaking in a really over the top way.)
Woman: I...I...
Man: MONEY, NOW.
(She takes a WAD of cash out her purse.)
Woman: It's all I have...in the world...I was running away...running from a bad man like you...running because I still loved him and kept going back...running with my wad...running...
(He slaps her hard across the mouth.)
Man: PIPE DOWN! There's only a thousand BUCKS here!
Woman: It's all I have.
Man: Even I have more than that, and I rob women in minimalist plays!
Woman: Why not take my heart too.
Man: I know you meant that metaphorically but I'm going to take it literally and carve your heart out of yer chest with my big phalic knife.
Woman: Fine, do what you want to me.
(She lies down, spreading her legs.)
Man: Or maybe I'll stick my knife somewhere else...
Woman: It would be no more than I deserve.
(He picks up her skirt and takes a look up it...then drives the knife into his OWN chest!)
Man: Goodbye...cruel...woman...
Woman: I think I love you too.
(He dies. She sits looking at him in silence for TEN MINUTES then plays with her hair for THREE MINUTES. Then 'Under Pressure' by David Bowie starts playing, the man stands up, and they both do a crazy dance like they're having convulsions.)
Man(dancing): I've never felt so alive.
Woman(dancing): All of life is a song and we must dance to our beat.
(The song finishes and they immediately stop dancing. Then stand in silence of a further TWO MINUTES.)
Man: I love you and it's not hard for me to say that for I am a man and it is hard for us to express our emotions...
(The whole play repeats itself. EIGHT TIMES. Finally, after dancing for the eitghth time, they kiss.)
Man: I am tired after a hard day's acting.
Woman: Me too. Let's go back to our hotel near the theatre and have sex, for we are, in fact, having a real life affair even though I'm married and you're gay.
Man: Life is so complicated.
Woman: SPLOOKY WOOKIEE CHICKENSOUP.
(They leave through the audience. The stage then explodes, killing everyone in the first three rows.)
FIN
