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RANK THE STAR TREK MOVIES

CaptainWacky

CaptainWacky

I want to smell dark matter
In order of enjoyment FOR YOU PERSONALLY.

1) First Contact - The first one I watched as a proper Star Trek fan. Yes I love the original series and Kirk is great and all that, but TNG was MY Trek and Picard MY captain and I'm glad they got one genuinely great movie out of it. The movie just kicks ass from beginning to end, with inventive action scenes (the deflector dish bit), endless quotable lines ("SOME"), great performances from pretty much all involved (and Gates McFadden wisely kept to a minimum), a great musical score (the bit where Cochrane and Lilly touch hands before he goes to talk to the Vulcan MAKES ME CRY) and just one cool moment after the other (when the Phoenix launches and the nacelles pop out FUCK YEAH!) and really only ONE bad bit (the "star trek" line, okay.) YEAH, I'M RANKING IT FIRST.
2) The Wrath Of Khan - This one's pretty awesome too!
3) Star Trek - Maybe it'll drop down this list in a few years with more rewatchings and there was certainly stuff I wasn't happy about (Scotty being a retard), but you have to admit it was pretty fucking cool and has saved Star Trek. FIRE EVERYTHING.
4) The Voyage Home - I remember watching it before I was a proper Star Trek fan and enjoying it then, so it must have done something right. It was cute.
5) The Undiscovered Country - This is one I liked slightly less everytime I see it, because there's really quite a lot of stupid shit and weird choppy editing in it. All those "it'll be funny if the charactes talk about a 20th centuary thing!" moments and Christopher Plumber is a lot of fun but really what the fuck IS his character other than "Klingon who quotes Shakespeare for some reason"? This makes it sound like I don't actually like the movie, but I do.
6) The Search For Spock - I think it's unfairly thought of as one of the weaker movies. Okay, it's right in the middle of my list, but it's not SHIT like some of the ones coming up. "I'll kill you later" is probably the coolest line ever too.
7) Generations - My love of TNG makes me want to like this more than it deserves. The saucer crash is cool, the lifeforms song is great, Data being reunited with Spot is touching, Riker says "I plan to live forever"...but they managed to make Captain Kirk's death scene completely flat and unemotional. And Picard's horrible Nexus family were offensive on eight levels.
8) The Motion Picture - I think Tomtrek will probably stab me or something for having it so low and I appreciate how it tried to be epic and there were some cool sci-fi ideas in there...but it didn't really come together and there's a total lack of humour and the bit with them flying into the cloud goes on TOO FUCKING LONG AND IS BORING OKAY. Sorry.
9) The Final Frontier - Popular wisdom says that this movie is shit...and it is a bit, really. I don't care if the studio insisted that Shatner make it shit and took away his rock monster, it still is, on the whole, shit. That's not to say there aren't enjoyable moments and of course the most quotable line ever (I WON'T SAY IT) but really this barely feels like a movie to me. AND HOW MANY FUCKING DECKS DOES THE ENTERPRISE HAVE?
10) Insurrection - Oh Michael Pillar. Why did you have to write Insurrection and die? I still love you. It was Patrick Stewart's fault really.
11) Nemesis - How fucking dare they.
 
1. Wrath of Khan. Simply the best of the bunch, because it not only had a nod to the original series in Khan, but it gave Kirk somebody to play off of that made us really care about whether these guys would pull through or not. Add to that the first appearance of the maroon starfleet uniforms that revamped the look of the officers, the fact that the actors were aging but not yet too old to really be believable as a space crew, and oh yeah the whole dead Spock thing. NObody saw that coming, and this was in the pre-internet era. I remember the uproar that came with people seeing the movie and finding out what happened. You don't get surprises like that too often.
2. Star Trek revamp: Like you said, traditionalists asided that was a damn cool movie that not only revitalized the franchise it unchained them from years of cumbersome minutea and gave them a clean slate to work with. And before anybody bitches about changed history, let us remember that some of Trek's best moments were due to alternate realities. Mirror, Mirror, for example. Goatee Spock kicks ASS!
3. First Contact. The only good one from the Next Gen crew.
4. Voyage Home. Isn't this the one with the whales? I liked it because Nimoy really got into his role of total vulcan.
5. Search for Spock. Best of a bad lot coming up.
6. Generations. Liked parts of it, like the separating saucer crash and the part where Data keeps cracking up at fucked up moments. I THINK that was this movie, wasn't it? I was gonna say I liked the part where Geordi dies, but that may have been my imagination.

Ahh I can't even rank the rest. It's like looking in a toilet bowl and trying to pick out the least smelly turd.

I did like the one with the Borg queen, just for special effects sake. Which one was
 
^First Contact.
 
Bumping this above the parody thread since I actually took a couple of minutes to write it.
 
1. Wrath of Kahn - Give us what we really want: a decent space-battle, no CGI, acting, story, and decent writing.
2. Indianna Jones and the Last Crusade. Because Nicholas Cage escaping from Alcatraz with Sean Connery was just too cool!
3. The Empire Strikes back. Who knew that Scotty was Kirk's father? NOpe...didn't see that one coming!
4. The one that had Uhura doing a fan dance. Haunting cinima.

There Wacky, fixed the thread.
 
1. Wrath of Khan
I have so many fantastic memories of this that I have to rate it this high. I can quote whole pieces of the script that I must have had in my head for 20 years. I particularly liked the performance of Ricardo Montalban as a villain you actually had some empathy with. Admitedly the worm in the brain thing was mean, but what a plot device (when is Chekhov going to go nuts?) When I first saw that as a kid I think I started shouting at the screen or something (HE'S GOT A WORM IN HIS HEAD DONT BELIEVE HIM!)

2. Search for Spock
I liked this a lot and have rewatched it. I am a bit of a sucker for emotional heart strings on this one, so it is rated a little high perhaps

3. Star Trek Revamp
Maybe I am influenced by the fact I have seen it recently and it is spanking new with lots of good effects. I didn't really rate the main bad guy performance though. It was a little shallow.

4. Generations
Thought it was a little self indulgent. At least the new Star Trek kept the Spock cameo to a minimum.

5. Motion Picture
Really didn't catch me like Khan, I remember it but would end up researching it and basing an opinion on internet crap, so I stop here.

EVERYTHING ELSE
I hated Journey Home, thought it played like an episode of Batman.
Final Frontier - dont remember it
Nemesis - saw it before I saw reviews and got really confused. I genuinely thought it was some sort of bad TV episode that I kept on suspecting would end after 40 minutes. I think I might have gone off and cut the grass, come back in and then thought ITs still on?


Haven't seen Insurrection
 
I'll do my top three.

1. First Contact. It had everything that I loved about Trek - the next Gen crew, and action. It made the Borg look like a more serious threat than ever before, before Voyager resurrected The Queen, killed her again, and repeatedly Neelix-raped the corpse.

2. Reboot. This is how Trek should be all the time now. A much younger cast kicked new life into Trek in a big way. Will it catch on? Doubt it. The franchise is still limited when subjected to big movie company's mits.

3. Wrath of Khan. The best of the Original Cast's movies by a country mile. Shatner's tour de force by a country mile compared to other Trek movies. Montalban oozes threat from each passing scene. The effects still stand up well today.
 
Remember when Janeway, Tuvok and B'Elanna let themselves be assimilated and were fine by the end of the episode? Urgh.
 
I forgot First Contact! It was better than Generations but I wonder if it has dated now?
 
NO, because I watched it on Saturday and that inspired this thread.
 
1) Wrath of Khan - Is the Michelle Trachtenberg of Star Trek films (perfect in every way).
2) First Contact - It's a good film! It has the Borg! And Barclay! And Riker!
3) The Voyage Home - It's actually funny and it was the first Star Trek film I ever saw.
4) The Undiscovered Country - Earth, Hitler, 1938.
5) The Search for Spock - I really like Star Trek III, like, more than I should. I think it's really underrated.
6) Star Trek - It's probably a bit too wham-bam-kapow for it's own good, but at least it's good wham-bam-kapow.
7) The Motion Picture - Again I like TMP more than anyone really should. The music is outstanding and the effects hold up and Ilia is oddly hot.
8) Generations - "Does he have to find the cat? Can't he find, like, Geordi or something?"
9) The Final Frontier - Go climb a rock.
10) Insurrection - It tries, it fails, but haven't you noticed your boobs starting to firm up?
11) Nemesis - Um. It. Um... At least it had... um....
 
Well the opening shot of Romulus is pretty cool.
 
1) The Wrath of Khan - It has everything. Brilliant villain, great character moments, a spaceship battle (well, two actually), some interesting supporting roles and practically every line is quotable.
2) First Contact - I never ever get bored of watching it and I've probably seen it more than any other movie, including non-Trek ones. Like TWoK it's got everything, including a revenge plot... I think the only thing that lets it down for me is the Data subplot, which can seem to slow it down a little.
3) The Search for Spock - Again very watchable, with Christopher Lloyd perfectly cast as a Klingon, Kirk's son getting killed, the introduction of Spacedock, the Excelsior and Oberth class ships and the Klingon BoP.
4) Trek XI - When it first came out I probably would've put it in second place, but having not seen it in a year I think it's settled into a more realistic position. Of course it looked incredible, as you'd expect from a modern movie with that much money thrown at it, but the plot was pretty basic, so it can't really be considered better than the three above it, with their well considered plotting and scripts.
5) The Undiscovered Country - I don't think I've actually seen it since the new one came out, so I might infact prefer TUC. Anyway, the story's pretty good, certainly a better sendoff for the crew than Generations or Nemesis ended up being for their respective characters, and it's entertaining throughout.
6) The Voyage Home - Great pacing and a very believable heroine that grounds the movie and stops it from becoming too farcical for its own good. The environmentalist plot probably annoys some people, but you have to love Trek for having the balls to make a movie about some people from the future coming to the present day to save some whales so they can go back and talk to an alien space probe that visited Earth in prehistoric times. It sounds like something you'd come up with at the end of a night in the pub. And maybe that's how it came about... if so, an evening well spent!
7) Generations - It brought the TNG crew onto the big screen, so credit for that, but the subplot about Picard's family dying and then KIRK being killed off TWICE, well that was going too far. Destroying the Enterprise was pretty cool, though. Even if it was in every bloody advert. Probably the least quotable Trek movie.
8) The Final Frontier - Yup. It's got some stupid, stupid elements, that's for sure, but it is actually pretty entertaining. Basically, it's a season 3 TOS episode with a movie(ish) budget. The big three having lots of great character moments and riffing off one another, while Scotty boozes it up and the other characters are almost completely forgotten about. Classic Trek.
9) The Motion Picture - Feel a bit bad putting it right down here, but aside from the visuals and the fact that it was the first movie, there's not an awful lot going for it. The characters are as grey and lifeless as their horrible uniforms.
10) Nemesis - Yeah, I know it's rubbish, but I can enjoy bits and pieces of it and at least it seems to know it's a movie.
11) Insurrection - I don't think I can even watch this all the way through. It's like an episode, but not a very interesting one. Everything feels like it's been done before. Even the part I do enjoy, where Geordi regains his eyesight was done once or twice during the series.
 
1) First Contact - Objectively, it's not better than TWOK but I'm a TNGer at heart, so kiss my ass. And even tho I still plug my ears and squint during "So you're all astronauts on some sort of star trek?," all of Cochrane's other lines are killer. Plus, DRUNK HULK TROI!

2) The Wrath of Khan - What everyone else said.

3) The Voyage Home - It pwns because it took a franchise-ending risk with the camp story, but ended up with a really entertaining, kickass romp while staying true to the characters.

4) The Search for Spock - Everyone else in this thead reminded me that this was more than just the table scraps from TWOK.

5) The Undiscovered Country - Thought it was epic when I saw it in the theaters. Several years later, the internet started trying to convince me otherwise. You almost got me. Fuck you!

6) Galaxy Quest - Better than the rest of this list, for which Paramount should hang its head in shame.

7) Generations - I hated it the first time I saw it opening day. Time has been forgiving to it. It's still not a very good movie, but TNG pickins be slim and I gotta dance with the guy that brung me.

8) Trek 2.0 - Yeah, I know, it deserves better. I'm older than most of you, I didn't need Trek rebooted as much as you did. Good flick, though.

9) Insurrection - Awful but still very watchable, kind of like The Drumhead. Really drives the point home: Plastic surgery bad. Gene would have been so proud.

10) TMP, TFF - I'm sure they have their moments, I just won't be watching them to rediscover what they are any time soon.

11) Nemesis - I prefer to think that the Family Guy epidode "Not All Dogs Go to Heaven" was the cast's true swansong. Thank you, Seth MacFarlane.

(Edited to correct the title of #6 - apologies to Tim Allen)
 
I watched Star Trek 2.0 with the Directors Commentary on it last night and I did really warm to JJ Abrams. I almost forgave him Mission Impossible 3.

They also admitted a lot of Star Wars credits. They asked "What is our Tattoine moment?" etc.

I think it will stand the test of time.
 
GOOD CALL ON GALAXY QUEST
 
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