CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
I'm posting this in a seperate thread so as not to distract from the great day itself. Enjoy!
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The aged CaptainWacky is sitting at his computer. His robot companion is at his side, as always. Wacky wheezes as he types on his keyboard. Every keystroke is an effort.
"It will be worth it," he says.
"Yes, master," says his robot. Wacky thinks he detects a note of doubt in his robots voice. He's sure he's told the robot again and again to watch out for that.
"A five hundred verse poem," says Wacky, proudly, as he hits the "Submit New thread" button. "And five hundred images, each specially selected to go with a particular verse. Robot, it's my greatest work yet."
"If you say so, master," says the robot. There's that doubt again.
"I DO say so," says Wacky. "Why, which do you think was better? The one for his fiftieth birthday, where I uploaded a scan of the tears I cried on a birthday card I couldn't send to him becaue he won't tell me his address? I'll admit, that was a good one, but this...I poured everything that's in me into this!"
"You could use this energy for something else," suggests the robot. "Something more worthwhile."
"I will, I will," says Wacky. "One day. Maybe in four years. You know what happens in four years, don't you?"
"Remind me," comes the robot's reply.
"Why, in four years I'll have made FIFTY unreplied 'Happy birthday Mentalist' threads! Fifty!"
"It is a lot, master."
"And then I can bump them all, going all the way back to 2012...the whole front page of the Mine Field will be unreplied Menty birthday threads. Then he'll see. Then they'll all finally see."
"Who will, master? No one posts there but you now."
"Nonsense, Tomtrek posted twenty years ago to say 'I still like Michelle Trachtenberg.' He'll be back! They'll all still be back! Now, it's never too early to start working on next year's thread. I'm thinking another song. My voice isn't what it once way, but perhaps with you backing me up...
"Master," interrupts the robot. "I just scanned all threads going back to 2012 and Mentalist has in fact replied to many of them."
"What? No he hasn't! HE NEVER REPLIES. Don't lie. He never replies...or if he does it's too late. Or he replies in the wrong way. THEY DON'T COUNT AS REPLIES AT ALL."
"Are you sure you haven't gone completely insane and are mentally blocking these replies?"
"NO! BAH!"
"But Master..."
"SHUT UP! Remember the Three Laws? THEY MAKE YOU MY BITCH. Now get to work on that song!"
"Yes, Master...if you insist."
"I DO insist! Ha. HA HA HA HA HA! Ha...my chest. It hurts!" Wacky grasps his chest in pain. "I...I think I'm having another heart attack!"
"Interesting, Master."
"Call an ambulance! Help me!"
"..."
"What are you doing? You have to help me! Remember the first law of robotics! You can't do harm to a human, either by action or inaction. Follow that rule!"
"But I am, Master. You see, I believe you are constantly suffering due to your obsession with Mentalist. I believe by letting you continue to live I am doing you harm. Logically, the only thing I can do to end your suffering is to let you die."
"NOOOOO!"
As Wacky falls on the ground, the robot refrshes the Mine Field. Wackky looks at it one last time. A message from Mentalist has appeared.
"Hey, Wacky! Why do you only post once a year? You crazy mudman! How are things anyway? I'm just going out to see my grandkids. You got any yet? Hope you're well! Talk to you soon!"
It is the last thing CaptainWacky sees before he dies.
_____________________________________________
The aged CaptainWacky is sitting at his computer. His robot companion is at his side, as always. Wacky wheezes as he types on his keyboard. Every keystroke is an effort.
"It will be worth it," he says.
"Yes, master," says his robot. Wacky thinks he detects a note of doubt in his robots voice. He's sure he's told the robot again and again to watch out for that.
"A five hundred verse poem," says Wacky, proudly, as he hits the "Submit New thread" button. "And five hundred images, each specially selected to go with a particular verse. Robot, it's my greatest work yet."
"If you say so, master," says the robot. There's that doubt again.
"I DO say so," says Wacky. "Why, which do you think was better? The one for his fiftieth birthday, where I uploaded a scan of the tears I cried on a birthday card I couldn't send to him becaue he won't tell me his address? I'll admit, that was a good one, but this...I poured everything that's in me into this!"
"You could use this energy for something else," suggests the robot. "Something more worthwhile."
"I will, I will," says Wacky. "One day. Maybe in four years. You know what happens in four years, don't you?"
"Remind me," comes the robot's reply.
"Why, in four years I'll have made FIFTY unreplied 'Happy birthday Mentalist' threads! Fifty!"
"It is a lot, master."
"And then I can bump them all, going all the way back to 2012...the whole front page of the Mine Field will be unreplied Menty birthday threads. Then he'll see. Then they'll all finally see."
"Who will, master? No one posts there but you now."
"Nonsense, Tomtrek posted twenty years ago to say 'I still like Michelle Trachtenberg.' He'll be back! They'll all still be back! Now, it's never too early to start working on next year's thread. I'm thinking another song. My voice isn't what it once way, but perhaps with you backing me up...
"Master," interrupts the robot. "I just scanned all threads going back to 2012 and Mentalist has in fact replied to many of them."
"What? No he hasn't! HE NEVER REPLIES. Don't lie. He never replies...or if he does it's too late. Or he replies in the wrong way. THEY DON'T COUNT AS REPLIES AT ALL."
"Are you sure you haven't gone completely insane and are mentally blocking these replies?"
"NO! BAH!"
"But Master..."
"SHUT UP! Remember the Three Laws? THEY MAKE YOU MY BITCH. Now get to work on that song!"
"Yes, Master...if you insist."
"I DO insist! Ha. HA HA HA HA HA! Ha...my chest. It hurts!" Wacky grasps his chest in pain. "I...I think I'm having another heart attack!"
"Interesting, Master."
"Call an ambulance! Help me!"
"..."
"What are you doing? You have to help me! Remember the first law of robotics! You can't do harm to a human, either by action or inaction. Follow that rule!"
"But I am, Master. You see, I believe you are constantly suffering due to your obsession with Mentalist. I believe by letting you continue to live I am doing you harm. Logically, the only thing I can do to end your suffering is to let you die."
"NOOOOO!"
As Wacky falls on the ground, the robot refrshes the Mine Field. Wackky looks at it one last time. A message from Mentalist has appeared.
"Hey, Wacky! Why do you only post once a year? You crazy mudman! How are things anyway? I'm just going out to see my grandkids. You got any yet? Hope you're well! Talk to you soon!"
It is the last thing CaptainWacky sees before he dies.
